40 years before 1979

40 years before 1979 Neville Chamberlain was clutching a piece of paper.

40 years after 1979 I feel I'm clutching at straws.

As we head towards the winter solstice in the longest night it seems quite apt that we should be facing the Armageddon that is a head of us.

Allegedly in aristocratic circles that it takes many generations to make a fortune and only one to blow it.

The UK is equipped with better commentators than I but we are heading into shark infested waters and I'm not sure we have the skills to navigate them. It's alright lying to get somebody to support you but if you don't have the skills to deliver in any job you get found out eventually, unfortunately usually after a lot of damage has been done.

On May 3rd 1979 my brother was away so I took his polling card down and bloated and I'm pleased to say on May 4th the Tory was removed. I also received £12 in wages and went to the pub.

I thought voting was quite easy I thought you voted and you got the answer you were hoping for little did I know so how country has this ridiculous tactical voting requirement. It's basically like playing poker
 You have to guess what's in the other hand and then NZ act accordingly. It's possibly more like bridge where you bid 3 trumps or four trumps or no trumps, I know what I prefer.

How are we supposed to guess how to tactically vote when the parties don't know and stupidly put up candidates to confuse us.

In Scotland we are very lucky in so far as we usually have a broad left wing to choose from, failing which the SNP are   a fairly left of centre coalition.

It isn't quite so easy in England so they make it simpler in message terms. This usually involves lying, politicians throughout the ages have always excelled at lying. Some people think that lying is bad and yet history shows us it's a prerequisite of politicians.

The problem we have with the politicians nowadays is they are lying to get a position of power with no idea what to do with that power, the game is only to acquire it, the thrill of The Chase. As we know The Chase is now on a break from our tv tv screens but will return.

There used to be a bedrock of values driving them, guiding principles, but that's long gone. It's what has made socialist Scotland slide more towards the SNP. We genuinely do want to educate our young, look after our sick and protect our elderly.

We are happy to work hard, pay taxes and enjoy our lives.

Well that's my take on it.

On this day in 1983

I had my hands full with the Deadbeat tape, a compilation of 8 bands, all unsigned and as we thought, surely on their way to greater audiences. Rough demo tapes sometimes just live but a raw taste of ingredients that would get polished in a studio.

It was well received in all the local record shops throughout Scotland and less so the A & R guys in London.

It was my 21st birthday and someone had thrown away the key!

36 years on and I'm walking in Spain with the sound of Burlesque "long Shadows" or the powerful strawberry tarts "walking in a straight line" exceptionally good for getting you up hills. There's a straight line from Sparks through the Jeremy Thomas classic jaw jutting guitar to Franz Ferdinand and it always makes me chuckle when I listen to the strawberry tarts tracks.

The first tape and the third one are loaded or have links on the site and well worth a listen.

At 21 my life felt over, while at 57 I'm still making new memories to chuckle over.

I still listen to all the Deadbeat tapes and they bring back great memories of the bands and that thing we all just called the scene.

Getting ready for a gig whether you were playing or watching, reviewing or interviewing after. The craic was the two hours before as well as the six hours after. Chuntering about adding or ditching the keyboards, the sax. Stripping back the sound, building more depth.

It was a blank canvas and that's what life is. One of our songs "the penny drops...as the mushroom rises" was always viewed as a CND apocolyptic anti war song, but it's really just a love song with a nuclear bomb back drop.

You listen to the words and it's all about how the penny drops as the mushroom rises.

A euphemism for you have really fucked it big time fat boy!

There is no bettere way to describe teenage angst and unrequited love than to put it in a song.

Master Craftsman Roddy Frame was for me, the champion songwriter of our day, "just like June, the curtains are closed"....

I still don't know why "walk out to Winter" went out in May. When did Slade release merry Xmas?

Just as we learnt loads of stuff doing the fanzine, tapes and the single, we also learned most people aren't as creative as you feel they should be in the industry.

It's quite simply a numbers game and the beautifully naive "need control over the whole creative process" is why many of the Deadbeat bands never "made it" to larger audiences.

The industry insists on it and it gets what it wants. Bands like fanzines would box themselves into a corner. For us we refused to move from 10p as if we were ripping people off to charge 25p. We were really lucky with Regular Music and Dance Factory, who took ads out which were listings we would have done anyway.

I love watching dramas where the art versus commercial get played out. We all know great artists that died penniless but does it really have to be that way.

In Deadbeat's case there is clearly competency in the music produced by the bands but my drawers for 1984 are full of good even great bands, so perhaps handing over their baby to the studio masters always caused  them needless concern.

With so many excellent bands about the public only has enough cash to support a few, but why Kajagoogoo!

The north south divide was at it's height when the two pairs of twins so comically divided a nation. Deadbeat had taken a career break.

In London, driving a car that I kicked, as it nearly ran me down outside dirty dicks, were Bros, quite simply vomit.

In Edinburgh, the Proclaimers, quite simply Hibees!

Highspeedcapital

Forget HS2, lets talk High Speed Capital. Let's talk crowdfunding. Let's talk kick starting an economy. Let's talk banks tied up in knots. Lets talk baby boomers pension pots. Let's talk returns on investments. Let's talk about risk. Let's talk about experienced fund managers

Let's talk less and let the money move quicker. Its simple economics.

I spend so others can spend. 

I give so others can give. 

If its stuck, money doesn't make the world go round.

While the politicians continue to convince us its about their ineptitude, past performance is not always a guide to future returns, but Brexit or not, we can, quite simply stare at the canvas they piss, shit and vomit on, or look at the canvasses people are creating despite them.

I worked, for a while, in a stockbrokers. It never ceased to amaze me how long it would take regulators to catch up with bad practice until in the words of Life Support, "The Penny Drops as the Mushroom Rises". The big mushroom cloud of armageddon that must've hovered over the financial world so many times during my working life and yet nobody seemed to get injured by the blast. See the film, "The Big Short", its all true. I witnessed small and large errors, frauds and the usual defence was 'it wis'nae me, big boy done it and run away'. Actually it was just ignorance, immaturity, arrogance or greed.

In 1987 I wandered down to help out our colleagues in London who had just been merged with County Nat West. While there I heard about a backlog. "40 people working on it", that's why I was helping out on the day to day. I dug a bit deeper and found they'd lost £600m. It took me a month to explain successfully to someone senior how counterparty risk worked and to show how the main bank had transferred this money into the failing firm to prop it up, the money was misplaced at best, but it had left the building. When the Nick Leeson incident occurred later on in the 1990's everyone was aghast. "Hello?" I shouted. The crash around then was blamed on many things but corruption and a lack of control was critically blamed. I blamed self reliance and integrity. If you have a chance to steal you dont steal, that's how I viewed it. That's not how the city viewed it. Big Bang had ushered in a mindset that Thatcher's government had endorsed. If you can take it, take it. Some people to this day view buying a council house at a overly discounted price, theft and view the privatisations during the 1980's as nothing short of bribery. That's not the question here, as I've always tried to say you deal the hand you're dealt, but please play with integrity.

What I loved back then and now is that the only thing that doesn't lie is the numbers only the people arranging them. When I looked for rational conversation in the press I turned to the FT. They could see that the numbers didn't add up sometimes and therefore certain strategic aims must be political as they're not economic. Labour isn't working screamed the poster displaying 1m UB40 holders, Thatcher's neat economic policies got it to 3m within a couple of years the revolution that caused the permanent schism in the UK. The oil revenues were used in a different way in Norway where they underwent their cultural revolution. 

The Nick Leeson case was quite simply a case of Barings being greedy. Every time he declared he'd made more money, but needed to borrow more surely somebody raised an eyebrow. They didn't. The only people who learned were the corporate bankers who would later appear in the film the Big Short. They knew that as long as they kept saying the numbers were good, they were good.

Many people wonder about the expression the "Emperors new clothes" but its frightening to me that such basic education hasn't taken place. The difference between right and wrong. The spotting of what is glaringly incorrect. A guy coming towards you with a knife is not looking to help you cut the butter in your shopping bag.

The banking crisis occupied my head during the camino recently, skip below, my diatribe from Estella - Lizarra.

The Basque railway closed in 1967, butchers everywhere in Europe it seems thought buses were the way forward.

All that's left is the station, which now doubles as a bus station, and the Greenway to Vitoria.

I remember getting politicians in during my Stocktrade days. I encountered 2 in as many days. I asked Alistair Darling to come in and see our operation while he was still in opposition and a few days later I would give Angela Knight's script writers a lambasting at the Mansion house during the inauguration of CREST.

I tried to explain to Mr Darling that we had been christened the Socialist republic of Stocktrade by our sister firms and it was a name we liked in the city. We reduced the cost for employees to sell their shares from over a £100 to £15 and we got them a better price per share. The price like in any market depended on whether you wanted to try to harder. The whole concept of using a stockbroker was exactly that they would earn their money by getting you a price but too many regarded it as a closed shop, control of access to the market. They regarded their tariffs as access controls that prevented (aka protected) the public from sharp practice. It was of course very sharp practice and while the doyen of deregulation is held in high esteem it was also the death knell for many established brokers as the pound shops or execution only brokers entered the fray. 

We wanted to target the workers who had been getting shafted by charlatans ripping them off. We were very lucky that we understood that someone working in a bottling plant would want their shares sold at the best price for the lowest commission. We were lucky because those companies had management who agreed, not all did and many  preserved the status quo.

Working as staff is something we did together, and this is why I wanted to speak to Mr Darling and also Ms Knight.

We thought that workers should own their company and if they couldn't own it all, we wanted to increase their ownership. This wasn't for everyone and certainly not for Mr Darling who was quite candid that version of Marxism wasn't part of new labour citing Maxwell's pension collapse. I argued a modest amount of eggs in basket education shouldn't prevent it. I was a tad disappointed as I never got to explain how SAYE and matching shares diluted companies in favour of their employees, whilst often representing less than 0.1% of the equity. What it did mean however was someone working in a bottling plant would get £12,000 after 5 years saving and if the shares underperformance meant they were valueless then it was effectively just an interest only saving scheme. 

There was a real jarring moment about that meeting especially as we were in a fast growing period that saw our staff rise five fold from 50 to 250 over the subsequent 3 years. It was the only assistance we ever asked for and it was fitting that this party of the people were against it while seemingly proclaiming to be into Thatcher's version of wider share ownership. My interpretation was that they couldn't understand that workers couldn't buy privatisations but they could save £30 a month towards an SAYE. If the government gave that SAYE greater security and privileges there genuinely would've been some wealth trickle down, to this day I feel I let my generation down by not pushing harder for this.

Later that week at the Mansion house in London I attended the inauguration of CREST with industry peers as well as listening to keynote speeches from Eddie George who was excellent and Treasury Minister Angela Knight, whose  script writers were well off message. The UK had far too many bungling mistakes made public by Barings, but far more prevalent than many would believe. If as many kegs went missing as share certificates and dividends breweries would be out of business, and we all know how much some brewery workers drank.

Counterparty Risk was a major headache for financial firms and the industry needed to move to real time settlement. CREST replaced the old system of paper handling through to talisman an electronic system run by the London stock exchange. Stock and cash would move as seamlessly as a bus ticket does now with a tap of a card.

It put London back ahead in the global security industry and was fantastic news for our large financial institutions. Our place in the world markets was assured and whilst initially we would not deal and settle immediately the infrastructure was there to do just that.

What it wasn't good for was the private investor, the very people the scriptwriters concentrated on. I spoke to Ms Knight afterwards and explained her speech was well delivered but her scriptwriters needed sacked. They were miles off the brief. She was somewhat astonished, asked my name and firm. I replied including my offer to discuss broadening SAYE which I said was superb and offered greater opportunity for widening share ownership which I knew was no longer a Marxist theory but a conservative one!

Oh how we laugh as we look back.

The rich most certainly got richer under Tony Blair and the gap between rich and poor grew after the Marxist Major and never looked back.

The film the Big Short for me is the best black comedy of all time and it is 100% in line with my experience. I'd like to have seen a '24 hour' version including Alan Greenspan's exuberance.

If anything I feel the cutting room floor probably had so many stories left untold. Blue Arrow, Barings, Dot Com disasters and all the market 'corrections'.

All the time these people have skimmed 1-5% along the way. We've sat by and let it happen and now the poor have kicked back will we have brexit.

I think not - I still believe we could exchnge our valueless pound, join the Euro in 2022 and get welcomed back with tail between legs. 

Markets have changed a lot since 1967 just like the railways!

Back to Crowdfunding

The model has a long way to run and doubtless many exciting twists and turns along the way, but crowdfunding platform providers have been slowly transforming the capital markets and with it the hand people are dealt. Democracy might be creeping back into the game as more and more individuals tap into this market via ISA or SIPP specific investments. From my experience the crowdfunding model is game changing at a time when the over 55's are sitting with piles of cash while their fund managers are finding it difficult to get returns. With the industry turning their back on seasoned pros like Mr Woodford, what they've done is shoot their own funds in the foot. Why would you trust someone in the city to be better at picking out investments just because its their full time job. The dot com crash in 2000 and then the banking crash in 2008 demonstrated people were paid to perpetuate a myth not protect performance.

The self interest of the city barriers come crashing down slowly, the rise of AJ Bell shows how long it can take but now, the critical path is how quickly it aligns with the baby boomers pension pots, and judging by the AJ Bell flotation last year, that is now. Its been a huge success and Mr Bell will push on now with his model, driven by successful technology and low cost innovation. 2020 will be known for more than just hindsight as the availability of capital becomes the new superhighway. When I first put my SIPP money with AJ Bell I did so because my investments were always going to be fairly small, £10,000-£20,000 max. Being with AJ Bell I wanted access to new issues and over time like HL they are good brokers to go to, where investors meet companies, its called the marketplace.

The money game moves on though and unlike the talk of the train and our northern powerhouse the capital markets are moving fast. Forget HS2, its HSC. High Speed Capital, continues to grow and will be arriving in the markets in size during 2020. Quite simply, the clearer the risk picture, the less compliance constraints there are. That comes from good software design as well as due diligence. The pure beauty of transparency and making sure people are aware how risky an investment might prove, is the less work to protect against that risk. With a Patient Capital investment trust you are advised to be patient but at no stage did they market to the investors Neil Woodford thought he had the Midas touch, they left that to the press. At least with crowdfunding you know the level of risk is higher, but by balancing out the portfolio as well as clearer evaluation of the risks, paradoxically the returns look more secure. The banks are now tied up in knots and their speculative lending has all but dried up. Peer to Peer lenders are rasiing money at an unprecedented rate. Crowdfunding will soon enter board rooms and just be known as a placing via a crowdfunding platform. Energy companies will try to fight with their corporate brokers and registrars over fees but it will be the shareholders and the media who will drive them to the less expensive solutions.

Investors can put the capital back into Capitalism and not see 7% top sliced by corporate brokers, registrars, accountants and industry yellow book enthusiasts who feel rewarded by going through a due diligence that is designed to clog up the arteries of its beating heart. Think Mr Creosote, please. Capitalism is a busted flush for a number of reasons, but first among them is that the money just doesn't flow anymore.

Marketing became the scourge of Capitalism during the 1970's when style won the battle over substance. Most board rooms over the last 50 years became populated with those media savvy types rather than manufacturers. Elegance won over engineering and closing communities in favour of colonial cousins where our wage rules didn't apply.

I've written so many times on bad laws passed, but the minimum wage has seen more jobs exported across the seas than any other piece of legislation. Quite simply anyone closing a factory here to open it overseas should pay their workers the minimum wage or have tariffs put on their products. The crass act of finding a way around a law is like people buying "off-road" vehicles to drive in town so the speed bumps dont impinge their road performance.

I've gone off message again though, so I say this, to the crowffunding generation, welcome to the party. I have Pension and ISA's and I can party. I have the cash to coarse through the creative veins of our country. I can fund the next POSTCARD or DEADBEAT records, I can help fund a venue, like the ODEON in Edinburgh, my friends can support a theatre run, we ccan fund the next vaccine trial, we can build houses for the homeless, brew bottled beers for the bams, build allotments and cafes, solar and wind farms and we can build the new industries. We did it before, that's why we've got so much in our SIPPs. We were doctors, and nurses, teachers, office workers, shop workers, plumbers and programmers, plasterers and professional darts players, hairdressers, oil workers and all of us saved.

Now its our time to spend.

Our cash is coming to a business near you.

Crowdfunding be ready for us, your first £1bn funding is just around the corner, welcome!

E-sports and entertainment

Since we gathered around juke boxes and pinball machines, since players threw darts or dominoes, our species has had a curiosity that watches contests, fair or otherwise, so why the surprise at the huge crowds gathering to watch two people twiddle their thumbs.

What possibly might surprise many is the level of support the professionals in the E-sports have. These gamers, like chess players have nutritionists, physical trainers and mental coaches.

These players need to be as fit as formula one drivers to cope under the pressure of the lights, the crowd and their opponents.

I remember playing space invaders in the Students Union and the only crowd that gathered was tuite simply because they knew the wouldn't have to wait long to get on, as they knew how quickly I'd be losing. Not so some of the other players. You'd marvel at how some of the experts could make 10p last 2 hours as they sought a new all time high score. So much so they'd draw a crowd with comments like 'great shot'. 

As we all know with all technology, its also apparent in the way our language even evolved. Expressions that have long since become extinct suddenly appeared commonplace. Its been so long I've forgotten them but I do remember being stoned one night and wondering why these space ships had names. Why did we talk PACMAN'ese. Every munchie expression bringing a giggle or two.

So why did we not bring E-sports into the colosseum ?

Why did it take so long for Scrabble to become a spectator sport when Bridge, Chess and Bowls clearly were?

We'll never know but we are sold what we buy and whether we want or need it, we often just buy it, so when E-sports arrives and does so as a respond to demand, it just shows that its not about the marketing but actually because people do want it.

Sport used to be about keeping healthy to live longer without needing a doctor, its maybe about time we recognised that most people take the car to the gym, or sports club. The idea of walking or jogging to the gym, clearly defeats the purpose.

Liverpool v Man City fans trivia question

As the General election brings our dis-United Kingdom into focus today's match at Anfield offers us a glimpse into the world of the wage gap from rich to poor. #hungerdoesntwearteamcolours

The 22 players on the pitch will be watched by 50,000 fans. There'll be a few thousand corporate boxes so we'll ignore them.

There are 2 simple trivia questions

Who earns more, the 22 players or the 50,000 fans watching them?

The second question is who pays more taxes?

The nurses, sparks, zero hour workers, plumbers, doctors, teachers, police, ambulance drivers, taxi drivers etc or the 22 who run, kick, and header a ball. Its a tough question and one that every primary 2 teacher should take to their class on Monday morning.

Ok its no great surprise is it, the more you earn the better you can pay accountants to hide your earnings, so the 2nd question is a no brainer, but the first is extremely tight.

If you throw in the squad players you'll probably weigh the scales one way, likewise if you add in the winners bonuses. Note the winners get a bonus, that's like if you flip veggie burgers on a zero hour contract you get paid for turning up and then an additional amount if you actually flip a burger. That would be a much better deal! I can just imagine Harry in my local, your agent's just got you a new contract, that's minimum wage for opening the bar and standing there, you also get a winners bonus every time you serve a pint.

During the minutes silence we'll be ask to remember the dead from conflicts and if you take all the dead from WWI & WWII and you take their wages and in death pensions, you'll still not get to the figure that will be paid to the players this afternoon.

So does that mean the players are overpaid or are the fans just underpaid?

That's why we have general elections I guess.

Oh and when we leave the European Union and the limited protection the employment laws give those workers, it may get a wee tad worse.

The American style labour laws are designed to make the richer richer. Like the Uber rich need more money, or have the nous how to spend it or give it away. What saddens me is there seems such an appetite to encourage more food banks as if that's the way forward. I can see football grounds in 2 years times being the biggest food banks in the country, as if that's a solution!

It'll be the most ironic statement our society could make. 50,000 fans leaving the ground with tins of beans, tuna and other assorted goodies, gifted by some embarrassed player who got subbed in the first half and had a dressing room fine to pay of buying 50,000 tins of tuna.

I had a simple dream as a child, to pay £1million in tax. We have a duty to pay taxes to help develop our society and we have elections to make sure the tax is spent correctly and not on tax cuts for the wealthiest. If the money is earned on the fields of stanley park, it should be collected there.

Scotland will probably vote to leave the UK, England will probably vote to make the rich richer. Wales and Northern Ireland will do their own thing.

I ask only one thing?

Should 22 football players earn more than 50,000 fans?


"Should 22" is released by Deadbeat music in 2020, published by hindsight.

Deadbeat #10

It was the Higsons cover which got Deadbeat sold in Norwich - was it Backs records?

Tapes

Pamplona to Obanos - a walk through time as well as Spain.

Up the top here as well as the rusty steel pilgrims you're introduced to the 92 victims of nearby towns during funtime Franco's brutal assault on the elected government and their people. His regime that saw these 92 from nearby towns taken away and buried at the top of the hill during 1937 in shallow graves. There was no dodging the bullet and too many willing to fire them. 

In Madrid, alongside Picasso's Guernica masterpiece in an adjoining room is a wonderful cartoon on the defense of Madrid, with a cardinal leading the assault on it.

Church and the population sit as comfortably as they do in Ireland and I wish I could keep my mouth shut on the subject as the locals can be easily offended when I preach a different Camino. We all have our own Camino and for me the churches have huge scientific and historical interest but ultimately they represent a men only private club and while a few things have changed God's still a man. Jebus is still the son of man and Eve played a bit part with a rib.

As a 4% Neanderthal I would like to declare we were more enlightened.

Obviously it's the winners who write history but have a think about Sheba, Cleopatra and our friend the Amazonian, never mind the Scots last real leader.

Women have put up with men since time began but only relatively recently have they pushed the envelope. 

Cave dwellers wrote loads of stuff to suggest for 10,000 years men were shit at fishing or spearing the wild boar. It was women who had to catch them in nets so the men could spear them and bring home the bacon. Meantime a three course meal had already been put on the table because the leftovers from the better budgeting Brigit were ample. If you know your partner is most unlikely to bring home food without you and you can't be arsed blowing smoke up his arse, of course you're gonna have a plan B.

Great town Obanos full of inspiration.

Tomorrow  I leave Obanos for Estella.

changing channels to fatal-bananas.blogspot.com

Yes its that time of year when all the thoughts turn to Pamplona, Logrono, Azofra, Villambistia, Burgos, Leon, Ponferrade, Melide, Eirexe, Palas del Rei and Santiago de Compostela if I haven't gone off piste by then.

Tapas heaven and a healthy wee stroll with some other nomadic randoms off in search of a good bevvie and a tale to tell!

I've done it through Scottish independence votes, US elections and Brexit nonsense. Its always a broad minded bunch of religious fanatics that I encounter and I'm sure it'll be the same this year.

As long as quaffing Vino Tinto is their religion, they'll do for me!

Adios

@biblejohnplay 3:50pm Monday - last show @thepleasance *****

Charlie Harthill Special Reserve award winning play gets to give it all all back to the Scottish audience that has supported it through its run today.

As the bank holiday traffic heads south it'll be left to the locals to fill the seats this afternoon as the regularly sold out run comes to an end.

For a new piece of work to sell out over half it's run based largely on word of mouth. is quite simply phenomenal.

Having seen it twice now its no surprise.


This inventive vibrant play has caught the public's imagination with comedic charm and serious purpose.

Social media has transformed our lives and our likes. Podcasts and crime fascination have turned us into voyeurs.

We're gently woken from our daily life dozing in the first half hour and by the end of the play we're wide awake, words charmingly smacking sense after sense.

Great writing, direction, audience engagenent and action packed acting sees this play right up there in the fringe events I've ever seen.

The performances from each of the cast are quite incredible, they interact and are gregariously generous with their support of their fellow actors aware that what makes the performance is as much about what you do off camera as on it.

Props dance elegantly across the stage as the actors dance diligently around them, at times its simply mesmerising.

Do yourself a favour and enjoy this 5 star play too!

This play is the new sound of young Scotland.

3:50pm at the pleasance above

Enjoy your last day with your sunny fringe!

Vinny Bee

Issue #14

Issue 14 was an inspiration to many on the local Scottish scene

On the inside pages Groucho records displayed some of their favourite badges. Anarchy in Glamis took these sex pistols to the dum dum boys while "Colin and the ants' still resonates....

You did a brexit eh?

As sales of freezers go through the roof this summer I was queuing to get into one of my favourite late night spots last night when I got chatting to my fellow queue member.

He'd been in the club but had left at 11.30pm to find somewhere better, only to return an hour later and £35 poorer having realised this was quite a good club after all. I told him my Brexit pontoon gag and asked who twists on 18, following it up with who brings a knife to a gun fight.

My queue member was from Texas and he was advising me that there is nowhere near the level of knife crime in the states that we seem to experience here. I explained police officers in the states kill more civilians than knives do in the UK, that the victims of these random crimes are where our concern should lie, but to be fair its late and its probably better to save this conversation for another day.

That's when I remembered how well freezers were selling. It seemed the perfect time to talk about how Iceland's business model was proving very robust as we tumble towards October. He said that the President was going to buy Greenland, to which I replied Iceland would give him a good foothold in Europe.

At that moment I got into the venue and smiled a fond farewell, ah the Festival!

#edinburghfestivalfringe

Performers know this but it's one of the darkest secrets of the festival.

Financially you rarely break even and Edinburgh excites your brain whilst stealing your soul, oh, and your money. Whether it's accomodation, coffee house or purveyor of alcohol, you'll be greeted by high prices and petty crime. You're in an untrained workplace where the majority of the helpful people in front of you have no intention of having a long term career in hospitality. You'll think 'thank fuck', but then part with the statement  internally, 'aye, it's the fringe'.

The circus comes to town and the performers perform, while the local wannabees make up the chorus, the bars and the restaurants. The time for hygeine training is somewhere between wiping your arse and picking your nose, but definitely after your tattoo had dried.

At a time when the UK has rules on the 17 years and younger you wonder why a couple of days can make such a difference. Clearly I did.

I had a great day in the sun as I soaked in the sounds, the carnival ambience but against this background what stuck in the craw was flyers being handed to us at the table and the same voice sweeping them into a black bin liner. As the afternoon wore on all I heard was "Can I leave a flyer,", "Can I take this flyer", I explained that those taking the flyers away were only encouraging more to arrive and that by leaving a pile on the table it would clearly attract more but at least the same one wouldn't be dropped numerous times.

Whenever I was joined at the table by patrons of the fringe, I would ask them if they'd like a drink, a precursor to watch my beach towel and seat, and I'd quickly buy a drink. I say quickly but there are few bat staff working the counters as few have worked in the trade before. There are very few people who know how to change a barrel never mind operate the till, or calculate change. The problem isn't that they're particularly inept, more that there are few resources available to train them. Every year poor bar staff are left without change as the managers hope that everyone will bring the right money and the unfortunate bar person isnt hit with £20 notes for their first 5 rounds. Contactless helps this but putting signs up saying card till only are quite simply statements of "Fuck you customer". They're like betting shops hoping if you go contactless you'll not notice your spend until its too late.

Ryanair are often pilloried for their treatment of passengers as they herd them into lines 30 minutes before the flight is ready for boarding, charge them for the privilege of using the plane and yet many venues make Michael O'Leary look like he cares deeply about the customer experience. Has anyone every been advised what to do in the event of a fire alarm sounding, where the exit is, where the muster point is? Never mind the audience lets just hope the performers and staff have been trained. Its another of Edinburgh's quiet disgraces and I hope it never manifests as we'd never recover from it.

There's a certain amount of car crash that comes with the month of August in Edinburgh and its not always on the stage. The streets froth with people thinking that the city is one big pedestrian zone, cyclists think they can still zip up the inside of cars and buses, crashing lights with impunity and shouting at pedestrians crossing the road for entering a cycle lane. I say the latter as I watched an altercation between a pedestrian and a cyclist on the middle meadow walkway. A walkway that is split in two for bikes and people, yet there are always 300 people for every bike. I wanted to heckle with, should the pram be in the cycle lane, but I could tell the cyclist was already miffed at slowing from 35mph down the hill to accomodate the itinerant pedestrian overtaking said pram.

Ah the Fringe, we love it, but visitors bring their own believe system and Lance Armstrong certainly didn't know we had a speed limit in Edinburgh of 20mph but he did think pedestrians weren't allowed in cycle lanes, ha ha, of course they are, this is Edinburgh where Pedestrians Rool ya bass!

TBC

Issue 4 in colour

Sold out shows

The latest arrivals to have sold out shows @thepleasance includes @biblejohnplay as reported here only a week ago. Well done on such an inventive play. Tickets are still available for midweek shows but be quick for the weekend shows as it may be returns only soon. Get along if you can and enjoy the show before a pre theatre meal at 3:50pm daily.

@thepleasance sold out boards

Yes we tipped it and you backed it!

Bert Jansch - living in the shadows

As seen in the Record Shak window in Edinburgh one of the first places to sell Deadbeat - looks like the only one in stock.

I remember a life support song living in the shadows from 1982 but that's another story.

Festival flyers

Flyers are a wonderful part of @edfringe and here's some to enjoy - pop along this sunny / rainy August evening see funny woman Alice Snedden then  listen to Ruby in the Rough @thepleasance then send back a review!

I remember going along to see our exports to Europe, the Clash at the Mogador in Paris in September 1981 - sadly before Emile Elisa Lucas and Victoria were born - nice to see the French returning the favour!

Hot hot ticket!

As the Geordies say a Rollercoaster

I'm still in shock

What a journey these 4 actors have taken us on. An exploration of a culture I've completely missed and an empathetic recognition of the salient aspects of a cold case.

Froth, bubble and a battering of the senses as well as sensibilities.

These performers deserve all the praise they'll get.

Well done!

Five star fringe @thepleasance 3.50pm daily

Deadbeat copies available by email

Anyone wanting back issues not on the site, let me know.


I've not been too successful at loading all the copies up on this site despite all the help I've received particularly from Gordon at www.retrodundee.blogspot.com, but if anyone wants a copy, not already loaded up I'll try and email one through.

Leave a comment or get in touch via twitter or discogs.

I'm @fatalovinnybee on twitter or just vinnybee on discogs.


I'm away traipsing around Arran and Kintyre, then over Spain soon so will be sending all replies within a month, or two.

Fat Al, aka notso fatso, or vinny bee

Bilbe John opening show @thepleasance 3:50pm July 31 2019

This afternoon sees the opening show for Bible John @thepleasance an a delight to see a homecoming for writer/actor Caitlin McEwan.

Welcome home, thanks for bringing all the girls up.

 Enjoy Edinburgh, the Fringe, the fantastic @thepleasance venue and have a great show.

Oh and if you've time an interview needless to say, and an invite to any after show party!

Annie & Dave interview page 15

Annie Lennox interview #11 page 14

Superb evening's entertainment followed by Fab interview with tequila shots (almost)

Notso Fatso - Fat Al in weight loss shocker

I went for blood tests the other month about a low level pain I'd had all my life and got referred for a endoscopy.

Down the throat they went and gave me lovely pictures of my hiatus hernia, stomach and duodenum.

It looked like my 13year old face, or Edinburgh roads, riddled with pot holes.

As the doc explained after the process, the biopsies would go off to confirm if I was coeliac. 'Wheat free?', I muttered, oh well, I'm a stoic, I'll just change my diet.

As I looked at my diet which involved baking bread and pizza, eating three loaves of bread a week, cereals, pasta oh, um, mac and cheese pies, yeah and lager, looks like my broccoli, brussels sprouts and bananas are fine but everything else is off the menu.

I hear its quite life changing and in my case, 85% of my diet contained gluten, so yes, I did concur, but like with smoking it was obviously just time to move on.

In 2005 when I found I wasn't able to play as much football and started getting lifts between the 2nd and 3rd floor at work I realised the game was a bogey. I started writing "1000 reasons why I love smoking", a cathartic self help book, and decided not to smoke 50g of tobacco every day.

It was shit and I didn't like it but I found my breathing returned within a year, so it was probably the right thing to do. I'm not a reformed smoker, I still tell people how good smoking is for you, but it obviously has some distressing qualities which on balance make it slightly worse than a bar of chocolate, although for those with irritable bowels I'd probably say ditch the chocolate and smoke a fag. I'm not unique, for many, its obesity or emphysema.

Talking of which my weight then proceeded to return to my body at a rate of a stone per annum. When I created longer gaps in my smoking I was 13st and within a short period, 5 years without a fag found me at 17st 10lbs. I suddenly found I was having breathing problems but this time it was just the exercise of inhaling while carrying 2 kegs of beer around my body.

I've had two fags in the last 14 years, one turned out to be a single skinner joint, that I received from a pilgrim in Santiago de Compostela in 2013. As I took a long deep drag, I felt like my lungs had just received 8 Christmas's in one go and I held it so long in my lungs that no smoke came out when  I exhaled. Oh how I laughed, it was even better than I'd imagined. That's when I handed back the dout and said oops sorry that's my first drag of a fag for a while as my head went deliriously dizzy!

The laugh about the gluten free was that you can have as many joints, as you like (boom! boom!) and I suddenly found myself losing a stone in a month. I had to substitute gluten free lager for Tennents, give up bread as the cardboard that masquerades as GF bread is cardboard. I had a soda bread that was ok, but generally speaking it was easier just to not eat bread, or breakfast. A couple of bananas and a melon would suffice.

Lunch was similarly simple. No more egg, bacon and chicken/avocado rolls, sausage rolls, peanut butter sandwiches. Baked tattie and beans was back on the menu, but no pies. Avocado and chicken wrapped in lettuce leaf worked well too.

The GF diet saw me lose a stone in a fortnight and when I received my diagnosis I was 22lbs lighter, oh, and not coeliac after all. The only difference was that the pain I'd had all my life had disappeared.

I'd had what I used to call the 'stitch you get after eating' not the one you get running since I was a kid. A low level pain that I'd never bothered seeing anyone about, its not returned in 2 months now so that, a the Swing Club used to sing in Dundee, is "Serendipity".

It transpires I'm a wee bit gluten intolerant, so now I dont eat pies, I'm Notso Fatso and a few pounds off 16st not a few pounds off 18st.

It wont work for everyone but if you try the gluten free bread, one loaf could last a fortnight and in that time your 'crass' diet may result in you making permanent changes. If nothing else you will have a new found understanding of what it is like to be a coeliac, a debilitating condition I would not wish on anyone.

The Higsons page 10 of #10

From the technical ly challenged for Terry

The Higsons #10 page 10

From the Dance Factory in Dundee on a fine February evening

The Higsons #10 page 11

So many issues so little time

4% Neanderthal

4% Neanderthal

I've had enough of all the nonsense spoken to divide our society on the many unpopular fronts from sex, race, religion and I'm going for the jugular.

I'm 4% Neanderthal and relaxed. My species were slowly outbred by homo sapien but there still lingers that small nice part of me that believes in a community and a better world for all. You can see why Homo sapiens have been sung about by Pete Shelley and others but my truth is we all need to embrace our inner Neanderthal. Feel the love, lose the hate, don't win the war, put those weapons down, feel the love.

I make an annual pilgrimage to Atapuerca where I identify immediately with my ancestors as they plotted their way out of Africa and headed north. I go to Galicia and see the ginger gadgees.

I'm left handed and proud, not boastful. If I'm meeting a fellow left hander I shake their left hand, but if they're right handed I don't get too worried about using my right hand, it's ok. I know I'm naturally more flexible than a right handed person. It's like speaking Spanish. It's ok. I'm 4% Neanderthal.

See www.fatal-bananas.blogspot.com for lovely pictures on the road to Atapuerca

Sent from my iPhone

windy gowl

Views from Prestonfield Golf Club

Cherry Blossom in May with sunsets in July

Delightful dining at Prestonfield Golf Club

Delightful dining at Prestonfield Golf Club

Many locals in Edinburgh know that Swanston golf club offers fantastic food in a lovely environment for walkers over the Pentland Hills

City centre golf club, Prestonfield has recently upped its game and is now serving food from 8am to 8pm

The porridge station for the early morning sofa is an absolute must at 8am.

With all the usual accoutrements of fresh berries yoghurts, apricots, jams, honey and the like your £2 goes a long way.

While a wee Scottish breakfast will only set you back £4.

Some golf clubs are certainly from another century and these Prestonfield prices are, but the attitude from the happy staff was very much 21st-century courteous service.

The golf course is magnificent and in pristine condition. This tough tree lined track applauds every birdie and they're there along with peacocks, pheasants and deer as you stroll in the shadow of Edinburgh's iconic volcano, Arthur's seat. The basalt columns of Samson's ribs tower over the par 5 third, a 550 yard dog leg along the edge of the Queen's Park while the cherry blossom provides a colourful canopy.

The evening bistro menu was quite simply off the clock

I know where I'll watch the Open championship at Royal Portrush, the July promotional Bistro menu has a varied selection for every palate. For Gluten free me, chicken fajitas and the chilli con Carne served in a GF tortilla basket with vegan cheese and sour cream hit the mark. Both plates were £5 proving a visitor to Edinburgh needn't lose their shirt every time they want a meal. Golf clubs are notoriously cheap but rarely accessible.


Prestonfield is friendly, the views are outstanding and it's only 10 minutes to walk to @Summerhall or the @thePleasance.

I know where I'll be dining during the Edinburgh Festival fringe 2019

£360 million less for the NHS as a result of Brexit and the US trade…

£360 million less for the NHS as a result of Brexit and the US trade deal

In a wonderful ironic twist in the card game "Brexit pontoon" it seems like we should've stuck with the EU even though the cards we had didn't seem good enough.

Sitting on 17 the question was stick or twist. Remain or leave.

Currently the dealer is getting impatient as a few other players are sitting at the table but we like the word prevarication and we excel at filibusters.

As the gloss drips off the Brexit canvas and we find the £350m for our NHS, per week, was just a sweet slogan along with curly cucumbers, our muscle in the markets is also being found wanting. Was being part of 500million better than 50m for negotiation?

The big bastard brother across the ocean, responsible for more concentrated wealthy and extended poverty than anyone can aspire to has let the cat out the bag. We'll charge you £350million, per day, more for your drugs.

Stick or twist.

With our NHS hamstrung and our money heading overseas to fund more drug companies, what impact on the population I wonder.

Stick with friends or twisted brother and sister?

It's never been about freedom to choose it about being free to be abused, or unprotected!


Sent from my iPhone

Deadbeat flexi - #17

A 1977 Hello from the Edinburgh Nite Club

OK Edinburgh - who do you recognise, PS they're 60 now...........A huge thanks to Gordon for finding this photo of the iconic entrance to.....

Bible John | Pleasance Theatre this summer

https://www.pleasance.co.uk/event/bible-john#overview

Issue 67 - Jackie looking good!

Very self indulgent but I like it!

Caitlin drew her mum some 22 years ago I felt it was time to put out a birthday issue

Happy Birthday Jackie looking good!

Without that certain thing

Without That Certain Thing - the Vault Festival, Waterloo, London

Sunday March 3rd 2019 Waterloo, Vault Festival

Yes the £9 glass of wine - ouch

I was lulled beautifully into the £5.10 for a pint of Estrella at a nearby bar, but it all meant nowt as my £15 ticket let me watch and review a show.

I stumbled, quite literally into the Vault festival in London's Lower Marches under Waterloo.

I'm a fan of reviewing this kind of theatre as the Vault Festival encourages people to write, act and produce just like bands back in the 80's would play and perform their own songs and Deadbeat tried to showcase them. A creative explosion is good for the soul whether learning a trade or just playing for fun..

Nowadays the price has changed and at these prices the voices are possibly not as cosmopolitan as London is, but nonetheless you have to strike out.

Which I did indeed when I joined the queue for the gents. Only one toilet for us and two for the girls, wonderful irony when more toilets are now gender neutral.

The auditorium filled up quickly. When a late arriving lassie shrieked "ah need a piss" I chuckled, knowing she'd be quick.

On her return she announced "I made it", "you made it" her pal reiterated, the lights dimmed and the action started.

A superb night watching three actors perform an interesting play that engaged at will, sometimes meandered, raised the roof with hysterical laughter, whilst casting a confusingly dark shadow over the many different locations, played out on a fairly small stage. I didn't count the many locations but credit to the actors and set designers for creating and inhabiting the space in our minds.

Botwana's Number One Ladies private detective, may have been an inspiration or possibly 'Sherlock stalks a stalker', but as the play moved on it was clear there were twists and counter twists as they played 'carry on up the cluestalk'. There is always the temptation to squeeze extra in and five one hour episodes a la Sherlock Holmes may have enabled the characters to relax into their roles and the writer to balance the prose.

As it was they moved Helter Skelter through the plot and took the audience on the ride. The laughter from the paying patrons proved there was plenty to please them.

The play opens at a lesbian dating night where it becomes clear one of the characters will enjoy an inner narrative with the audience while the other isn't there for the dating. Our sleuth Sullivan spoke swiftly and her words swung in the air, with the audience, back to her speed date and back to the audience. She's clearly in love with herself, her voice, vast knowledge, great powers of investigation and its funny. She listens, narrates preconceived notions and responds with all the consideration the character comes with.

As the speed date developed the straight character came clean, admitting she was only there to throw a male stalker, Swann, off the scent.

The appalling ends she described to evade including confronting the stalker providing both scary and comedic overtones juxtaposed against the background of being straight at a lesbian speed date.

Our sleuth lost no time in explaining she was out of the game with overtures of double entendre slap stick confusion. The challenge was there, the gauntlet picked up, Sullivan would indeed investigate, "what's your name?", "Madelaine" as through the window peeked, Madeleine's monstrous stalker Swann.

Some jokes really tickle me, and there was something really hysterical about Sullivan the Sleuth being so good at the PI job that she'd given up, told the audience about, won awards for etc, that she hadn't even asked Madelaine her name during the pre-nuptials of the speed date. I thought I heard her say "you're my favourite biscuit....." during the date or maybe I didn't it.

The dialogue was intricate, as it fizzed fast between the two of them. It was very funny. Madelaine squirmed awkwardly as she came clean and dug deeper holes with her narrative while the additional layer of Sullivan the Sleuth's inner dialogue delivery was proving very pithy indeed.

The audience were laughing so much some gags could be missed. It's brave for young writers to put in a laughter break but foolish if the audience don't get it. Some of tonight's crowd seemed to know the play and a few were ahead of the rest of us.

As Madelaine engaged Sullivan the Sleuth, at £80 a day no less, there followed some excellent narrative as the pair bumped into each other, playing out their roles in the play within the play. The work to work, the lunch break and going home all were given locations and the options for the carry on comedy were all max'd out.

The plot developed very quickly into sleuth, stalker and stalked. It was a tricky tightrope to tread as the subject matter is extremely serious and the writer tried to give the stalker a sadder profile to shift the light into farce rather than trivialise the issue, I'm not sure where you go with that but the device used, was to humanise the stalker by turning the sleuth into a stalker too. With stalkers 2-1 up on the stalked it became apparent that majority rules apply and so we moved to comedy.

At first the sleuth was stalking Swann the stalker, then in a bizarre little twist they joined forces, hiding in a bush together, to enable the stalker to be stalked by the sleuth at close quarters.

Keeping up?

The play slides and crashes into 'carry-on' up the 'can stalk will stalk', moving into the full comedic confusion of who's stalking who and why before an explosion back into reality as the stalker realises the sleuth has the jump on him.

It's moving so fast now I did have a bit of trouble keeping up. Madeleine, the stalked, then does a runner and having had very predictable behaviour starts to vary her routines.

At this point I'm a bit confused, but to be fair, I've still not looked at my watch, so my attention is being held.

Sullivan the sleuth shows her hand as she breaks into Madeleine's flat while Swann is angry at his fellow stalker crossing the line. I'm not sure if these were metaphorical lines or comedic crossings of the code as stalker Swann saw it.

I'd never give away the ending and to be fair I'm still not quite sure what happened. There was a bit of a crash and a bang and it felt like the stalked was now being blamed for bringing it on herself. She was standing on a bridge and before she jumped, she threw her phone and then smiled to camera, put on a wig and said 'here we go again', or words to that effect. A serial stalking victim? As we left the Velvet Underground were playing "Femme Fatale" so I guess the moral if there was one, was that, dull deserves what dull gets, for acting like a femme fatale. Hmmm dunno about that.

The play will have benefited the writer, director, cast and crew, which is why new work is encouraged. If it travels to the Edinburgh fringe I'll look forward to seeing it again with a few of the narratives nursed into shape. The way they used the stage was very impressive at times even physical and the actors were all very impressive with their dialogue and movement.

The first 40 minutes were fast, furious and funny. Sometimes you need to focus on the best aspects and stumbling back into the serious stalking subject matter was in my view a mistake. A straight comedic ending would benefit this play enormously.


Vinny Bee