Sunday, 2 January 2011

Issue 4 - October 1982 - issue 16 in July 1983

 issues 4, 5 and 6 appear to be missing - I'm sure I'll find them......issue 4 had an interview with Life Support and a review of Hey! Elastica

 Hey Elastica were playing Dundee's Dance Factory and along with Aztec Camera were one of early performers at the venue.



.issue 5 had the interview with Roddy Frame, including the great title from Stu the roadie, "ITSSCH AWLL SEX'N'DRUGS'N'SHAUSHAGE ROLLS.

There was reviews of  Japan and ABC at the Glasgow Apollo,  Culture Club at Edinburgh Coasters and Stiff Little Fingers at Dundee University, where Jake Burns made his customary request for no spitting "If I see the person who's gobbin' on me after the gig I'm gonna boot his face through his head". While Jake was making the promises it was Drummer Dolphin who kicked his drums out the way so he could run over the first three rows of the crowd to kick said geezer in the head!

Oh how we all laughed to see such fun and the bass player ran away with a drum.

Another great night by the silvery Tay, shame I didn't have the camera



 Taking the hump..........Bumping into Ahmed and one of his camels at the Ladywell.....this was one of the highlights of downtown Dundee days after the clocks went back and the pints came forward




Roddy Frame also explained what lyrics on Pillar to Post, "Just like June the curtains are closed" meant.....Roddy "Its a crass black thing. Existentialist 'woe is me' in the middle of summer"


 Issue 7 came out before issue 8 but not on the blog it doesn't.







































Graeme Peters did the interview with Durutti while they visited Dundee






Time was called on serving Orange Juice as the reviewer of the Glasgow gig seemed to call time on them as Edwyn's confusion wasn't creating a happy vibe which is all the gig needs to do



 Vinny tried to sell Billy Mackenzie a Deadbeat, and then called it an interview.




Our best cover was Issue 9, the drawing was superb and the lumberjack shirt that Ian McCulloch was wearing set off the whole ensemble. We were running out of the white letraset letters but had enough to complete the bottom section highlighting interviews with the Farmers Boys, David Weddell from the Happy Family, Ralph Smith from Europeans in Tropic and Brian Sinclair of the Tayside Bar.The Farmers Boys seemed to pick up where Orange Juice left off, leaving the crowds very happy and finding that good songs and good vocals are all you ever need. In the interview Roy Terre got the low down on moving from the Higsons label to EMI, the usual comparisons with other bands but finding common delight in the Monochrome Set. Finally Baz gave us his address so you could all write to him in Halesworth. To put it in context they were signed at the same time as Kajagoogoo a band that rarely got a mention in Deadbeat. The interview with Davie Weddell confirmed it was the end of the Happy Family as sadly a lot of broken promises and a general apathy had left the band with no gigs and no appetite. This issue also had a review of the Plastic Flies a poor punk band who were encouraged to split up, quick as well as confirming that Edinburgh was duller than Glasgow, or as Ian McCulloch put it during the gig at the Playhouse, "Glasgow was much more fun". The Happy Hints page had the legendary Cocktail Cat sketch, which I'm sure Auntie Lynne and Auntie Kath wrote long before its subsequent use. They had fine inventive minds and produced three ways to make trousers longer which proved very useful when drainpipes and white socks drifted out. Sew on extensions included Arabian curtain fringes, Russian mink fur fabric and technicolour ethnic beads. There was a lot of news for February not least in Dundee where the Dance Factory had 3 gigs including Eurythmics at the mighty price of £2.50. Song singer called Madonna had her debut single released by Sire, a self penned song called "Everybody" as we wrote back then, oh and Keith also said "Madonna is an accomplished ballet dancer and actress who turned to music in the late 70's learning to play drums and keyboards." Next thing you'll be telling me she can sing too.

There's a review of the St Andrews Festival '83 - Bayneys quasi nightclub - well - for 4 days the local community centre was turned into a venue - it seems they had a Dundee night on Wed 9th feb with Swing Club, AAGA and Scott Gowans, followed by Saturday 12th with So you think you're a cowboy and The Frontiers, Wed 16th it was St Andrews finest with Kix and the Rhyme Tray (Paul Milner & Derek Anderson) and finally Saturday 19th saw APB with Stereo Exit supporting. At £1.50 a ticket you had be wealthy in this part of the country, it was 50p a pint in the bars remember!

China Crisis get a page dedicated to their 12" EP with most emphasis on Greenacre Bay, which I can still sing to myself as I type.
Feb 21-Mar 13 1983. Issue 10 and what a great band the Higsons were. Where would Ricky Gervais be without Charlie, not that he was in the band, but he is a Higson. Hilary did the interview in Dundee after the Dance Factory gig. They were a bit gutted as most good bands were with the whimsical nature of the gear made available to them. I went to a lot of gigs and the sound quality was rarely praised. Its a tough nut to crack. You make the P.A. better by spending money but its not an investment you'll ever get back, unlike Vinny's trip to Paris with Jim and Si which was covered in Spotlight. That money was well invested, not least in the bottle of wine that was carried to Pere Laichaise and back to a bench under the Tour Eiffel only to break when dropped on the stone. There are some great travelling trips to Paris from Dundee, none of which I would recommend today. The news for Feb March 1983 was Aztec Camera's Debut album High Land Hard Rain surely a poor pun on Scotland and Bob Dylan, U2 had tour gigs in Dundee, Aberdeen, Edinburgh and then a month later at Glasgow's Tiffany's.

Keith went through to Glasgow to meet Stephen Pastel from The Pastels and interview the rest of the band as well. Pop Wallpaper sent us their tape while Orange Juice sent Rip it Up. That's what I call timing and it sure was bad for Pop Wallpaper as I couldn't see past Rip it Up, I still cant. Everyone has their favourite songs from their favourite postcard bands, some will be the same but everyone has their own opinion and for what its worth the Aztec's 'We could send letters' and Rip it Up by Orange Juice are mine. I'm glad Pop Wallpaper didn't hold it against us and an interview or two later came the flexi disc and fame.

This issue also saw the start of the Deadbeats, Hilary's carton strip where the hero Raymond (thumbs) plays bass in a belting rock'n'roll band. The Happy Hints page suggested that the readers "Adopta Bee in 1983" and if it wasn't obvious they went on to explain that bees were 'cleaner than dogs, cheaper to feed......and ward of intruders......and each comes complete with a dinky black and yellow jumper....

The Bluebells in Dundee and Tell me a Colour and Higsons Edinburgh gigs are all reviewed, but the amusing thing looking back now is the type face. There is clear evidence that my 21st birthday had passed and my Mum and Dad bought me half an Amstrad. I looked at them and said half (?). Yes we'll have it the rest of the time so it stays in Edinburgh when you go back to St Andrews....

The walk to the third tee was a long and winding trail through golfball gathering gorse which with auto suggestion, our gormless goaders tried to introduce JJ to his familiar foe. It was only two holes but already the gloves were off and the old yarns were being re-written.

Remember Paris, it was all going so well until you opened those curtains, chirped Vinny.

“Yes, Paris” JJ smiled, as his fag lit the hazy memories and romantic tales, suppressing the unflattering truth.

We hit Paris in 83, just before our third year started. We ate badly, but then we ordered badly as well. It’s one way to learn the language when you receive a plate of raw steak mince shaped like a hamburger topped off with half a raw egg, or do I mean a raw egg in half it’s shell.

On this occasion I realised that “un ouef est un oeuf”. We would have to buy a phrase book or get an education and stop JJ thinking he had any value in assuring us he had an A level in the language. We tried to explain he wasn’t speaking French to the Enlish anymore, these people used this language regulary, they positively owned the phrases that we were farcically covered in a smattering of “je pense, je vais voudrais…quelquechose…. si vous plait”.

We slept rough, well JJ did. For such a slim guy he failed to take advantage on the stairs of our lodgings every night. As TC wedged himself between the stairs on floors 4 & 5, he always got the pushing role, whilst I vaulted past and got to the door with the key. The key to the room, “Un  chambre, trois personnes, deux nuits”, which had sounded like “deux lits”. Apparently the floor did have a bit of give in it, but neither TC nor myself were particularly interested in finding out.

Sleeping on creaking floorboard had few benefits and JJ rose early to peel the shutters and present himself to the greying morning, as well as the St Lazare postal workers. It was hardly and he had hardly the figure to match. He scratched his lingering body hair, reaching down below in the traditional male pose to check there had been no burglars in the night, all the time struggling to adjust his pernod stained eyes to the early autumn sunshine.

For the workers it didn’t matter. With cafĂ© in hand they gathered for their traditional stare at the tourists in room ‘cinq-deux-cinq’. The clothes Americans wear in Scotland is always tartan, in France it would appear that Scots wear nothing. That at least is what the ‘travaillers de la Poste, St Lazare’, believe, although I’m sure they were looking at the hairy guy next to JJ in cinq-deux-six.


We stumbled out after our first night, into a glorious Parisian morning. Drizzly rain bizarrely bouncing up off the filthy streets. JJ paraphrased freshening to the day ahead, “Never wear a kilt in Paris or you’ll have to clean yer balls when it rains”. This was the Bohemian quarter we would be thinking. Much rather have a quarter of Morrocan or Lebanese would be the musing reply. Thankfully we mused it to ourselves.

Paris has its Metro but hoofing it out to Pere Lachaise is standard fair for teenagers. So we did. We tramped around and admired this and that. The crunching of branches under our feet and the soft squelch of extrement,  deposited by some animal in a hurry.

“Two legs or four?” I asked.

JJ stirred it with his cowboy heels,
“Definitely two, you can see they had corn on the cob last night”. 

The Graffitti naturally dragging us to Jim Morrison’s alleged grave. We’d done our duty and could now go to the Pub. 

Someone seems to have started early, ...time for the pub then....

We arrived at the third tee and JJ had the honour, while Vinny took relief from the last piece of Gorse.

“Did they not have toilets in Paris then? asked AK

“The toilets were superb,” Vinny said sarcastically over his shoulder,

“When we got to the pub we duly ordered and TC took respite in the Crapper. Unfortunately by the look on his face when he returned, this particular toillette was not designed by Thomas Crapper but one of his drunken cousins. Presumably one who had no legs or very strong arms. Our first experience of a crapper in Paris and we find out that,”

“they use showers to shit in! Shorry” TC said, “slipped into my Sean Connery there, sit in.”

JJ sniggered as he put his ball and peg into the ground but the distractive banter continued.

“We duly took turns to inspect and then use the famous shower, then left,” continued Vinny.

“Turning left we found a shop that sold the Vin. We bought a bottle and checked our budget. TC was loitering around the cheese counter. He watched patiently as customer after customer asked if he wanted served first, then moved in front of him as he gestured ‘Apres Vous’. We moved closer to check it out until eventually he moved and picked out his words with calm alacrity. “La meme s’il vous plait”. A Camembert duly arrived and we all found out what Camembert was in French.”

“I’d already told the daft bugger but he hadn’t listened” said JJ as he measured the distance off his front foot and started the swishing that would see his ball acquire the look of a baby springbok as it fell into the bunker 100 yards up the 3rd on the right hand side. This was a bunker well worth avoiding. It usually took him 3 to get out and he rarely got it out with his club.

“Sod it” he said, before returning to the theme. “The metro was something else, although we weren’t too good at it.”

“Aye” said Vinny, “With such an efficient and cheap transport system we ignored the metro. We chose meandering through the boulevards, past the Brothels instead as we plotted our way back to the centre.”

“We made good time ‘a pied’, especially if quizzed over “Sir, looking for a lady, Sir looking for a lady?” How that phrase put a gallop in our wee steps. It also encouraged us into the supermarket.”

“Time to spend some of that money on liquid, we thought”, said TC as he rammed his peg in the ground and prepared his ball for a bashing.

“In France of course you get wines of all sorts and ours seemed to travel quite well. In fact it travelled very well indeed and duly arrived in the shadow of the Tour Eiffel. Whilst enjoying the journey it didn’t seem to enjoy arriving.” TC continued whilst hitting the ball down the centre of the fairway some 250 yards.

“Cracking drive Cy” said Vinny as he stuck his ball on the peg that he thrust in the ground while taking the swing that would topple the ball down. It duly arrived in the middle without flying more than two feet in the air. An ugly looking shot but it had rolled a reasonable length.

“A bit quick as ever Vince, but it’ll do you,” said TC as he continued his yarn.

“We chose our site in the park opposite the Tower by a bench and a tree while Vince performed the christening of the bench. Unfortunately the bench had never been christened before and leapt up as TC sat down, duly smashing its fore arm into the bottle.


“Over-rated little vintage.” Vince sighed

“I always was a bit forceful opening bottles.” Said TC

“Oh well, I said,” muttered JJ, “pass me a piece of La meme please!”

“It was a cracking Camembert though” said Cy, “I remember spending the next three days trying to find the same one but I couldn’t find it anywhere.”

It was time to adjourn to the louvre. Well it was but the bar beckoned. It was Cy’s round so they went to the Champs Elysees. £3 had got 9 pints on the boat but at the George V it only got one half of a pint and there were three of them. £9 later they moved  through the shadowy streets towards the Pompidou so  JJ & Vin got their rounds in....


But enough of Paris, back to Issue 11 - Anne & Dave sit down in Dundee and discuss the banning of the video in the states, or to quote Dave, "because they're stupid and they were scared because they thought Annie might've been a tranvestite", well it was 1983 in the land of the free.


Issue 11 with our interview with Annie Lennox was missing but i've found a copy - along with our Big Country and New Order issue 13 - its the last one. Stuart Adamson (sadly missed) is pictured below at a Night Moves gig. He spoke with Roy Terre (a massive fan) in his hotel after the Dance Factory gig in Dundee. He was very generous with his time and the questions our Roy needed answered, whether they be about the Skids or that riff in Field of Fire. This issue could've gone to 24 pages on Stuart alone. 100 years on he'll still be remembered and I trust he always will be.





Issue no. 12, and a superb cover again tells you who was interviewed plus which bands got reviewed.



Issue 14 with Edinburgh's The Wild Indians, Dundee's Dum Dum Boys, Combo Vitto and The Junkies.....oh and Tracie of course, we wouldn't put her on the cover and then forget to interview her would we?



 Issue 15 had many reviews in it including 7.84 bringing Men Should Weep to the Dundee Rep. Hilary also interviewed Pavlov Orange and Hanoi Rocks as the Tayside Bar bounced to the latest glam rockers from Finland. Unsigned Bands sent in tapes in abundance and we couldn't review them all. Burlesque, The Personality Test, Henry DF McMillan, Strawberry Tarts and Rex Begonias. Karen reviewed the Camden Palace show at Glasgow's Ultrateque as high fashion and Rusty Egan arrived in town. Night Moves was a popular venue in this issue with reviews of The Armoury Show, Passionate Friends & The Alarm. Boogie Disease in Edinburgh at Transport Houseupside down
Issue 16 came out in the summer, July 25th-August 22nd and what a brilliant interview Keith had with Jill and Rose. It was also the summer Keith and I got a train to Inverness and went to watch the Bunnymen at the Ice Rink. Afterwards we interviewed Will Sergeant before trying to crash some party and walking the streets at 4am waiting for the first train back. That part's not covered, but a review of Bauhaus is as well as an excellent drawing by Hilary.


Burlesque were also interviewed and there were tons of reviews on the Edinburgh Festival including one of Emma Thompson. "Short Vehicle, is the banaal title of what is obviously just an excuse for a brilliant comedienne taking over the stage at the hole in the ground, in Castle terrace", as the gig is described.

1st Birthday issue August 23rd 1983 - Are we over that election yet?

 This was issue 17, Pop Wallpaper and the Wild Indians donated a flexi disc and we sold the 1000 copies in record time.It was one of the hardest issues we ever put together - owing to the fact that everything had to go in a poly bag at the end. I hope they got recycled.


The Screaming nobodies were brilliant. They screamed at everyone, especially Twisted Nerve and the Vikings but were very disappointed with every Edinburgh band after Josef K. A brilliant laugh had by all

 October18th 1983 and issue 19 arrived with a lovely drawing of Kirk 'not so theatre of hate' Brandon. Kirk's interview ed along with the Invitation, the Alarm and reviews include the wonderful Sunset Gun.
 This was a freebie to keep the name out there and it did its job. We sold 3 cassettes and thankfully nobody read Oslar's review of Paul Haig's Rhythm of Life gig in Glasgow. Describing Josef K 'who at some stages stood still to the Rhythm of the Dead' demostrated our true believe that everyone has an opinion, and how glad we are for that, oh and the fact this was a free issue so we never deprived anyone of any cash.
Paul Haig generously posing for Deadbeat after a gruelling interview conducted by Keith & Vinny for issue 22.The coffee and chat was superb and his flat with the mural wall was a fantastic backdrop.
 
  The conversation ranged from soundtracks for horror shorts, the proposed LP of Josef K unreleased tracks, down to the perennial favourite of having to travel to London because we didn't have the array of recording equipment and facilities in Edinburgh.

 A great interview with Malcolm Ross, where the interviewee did most of the talking and Vinny actually listened to the answers. A superb guitarist and a choice of chippys outside the flat by the meadows where Vinny would have his fill after the interview
 Morrissey in his own words. We know because we still have the sheet of paper that he wrote them down on. Issue 24 March 28 - April 25th also had interviews with the peerless Dancing Bears and Del Amitri. Kevan McClair (with special thanks to Jackie Gribbon) did the Del Amitri interview and caught them in a cynical mood with the added quote of 'but that doesn't make us cynics', yeah and "nothing ever happens", arrives three years later.... Vinny had been taken to a promo party to see Moroccan CoCo and Strawberry Tarts. Some primary school in Limkilburn, one of the more surreal experiences from the Deadberat archives. Karen, Julie, Oskar as well as the other regulars helped make this issue a belter.



Sept 27 1985 to Oct 25th allegedly as Issue 32 and Plastic Surgery takes care of the front cover - issue 12 in the background.

Issue 33 - the one before the crucifixion





 The last issue - the printer was obviously tired before he'd even started, but the original drawing shows what the cover could've looked like and you'll never guess what that is in the background!!

What was inside was an interview of the Alarm and a hearty rant from Vinny about Precious records not letting him interview the Floor. It did his head in that he had to interview Goodbye Mr Mackenzie or Wet Wet Wet and not the band he wanted to, obviously this was about journalistic freedom, he guffawed! The Mackenzies were great but he hadn't heard them at the time. Baby's Got a Gun and The Heart Industry gigs are published while APB and the Square peg prove how easy it is to get your single out. Tapes were now flooding through the door and piling up and the Holy Joes, Rhythm System, No Tomorrow, This Poison, Curiously Carved Head, The Shamen and the Heart Industry are all reviewed. Dexy's new album is reviewed while the Crows gig is reviewed. The Crows were formed with 2 each from First Priority and Autumn 1904. The Fall at the Hammersmith Palais, Happy Hints page, A short story by Harry Rafferty, gig reviews of Luddy Samms, Paul Haig, The Smiths and Crucial Xylophones conclude this Christmas edition. Issue 33c the free one that never was, had a review of the Daintees and promised interviews but work sleep or drink must've got in the way!

There was a short story I was working on which was to run alongside the idea of a cartoon each issue....it never saw the light of day, until now,

1. Kittymeister

“Do you have an empty wallet?” asked JJ

“Yes I do” replied the Aubergine Kid

“Are you fluent in German?” asked the Clone

“Ich haben zi gut Deutche” replied AK Grimbly

“I think that was a ‘Yes’” said Vinny

“Then may we confer on you the honorary post of Kittymeister. There are only a few duties but they are extremely important.

One. Go to the bar whenever we need a drink.
Two. Give us some money for fags.
Three. Organise and pay our tee off times.
Four. Pay the Van man when he asked.
Five. Tell us to go home if you run out.


Initiation duly complete, AK Grimbly assumed the role. We handed over all our money and went for a pint. AK quickly added it up and advised us all we’d be allowed to have two nights in the caravan, two games of golf, 80 pints of tennents, one Chinese set meal for 4, one chippie, 180 fags, 2 pouches of tobacco, one visit to the bakery at 2am for a dozen rolls and 8 bridies. There was no money in reserve for rizzla papers, petrol or pencils, so anyone with a car who smoked roll ups and marked the scores better have come prepared. Finally owing to budgetary constraints we should use the public facilities as opposed to those in the caravan. This would save on toilet paper.

The decision AK confirmed was also compatible with health and safety, as no bathroom windows would need to be left open whilst they were out.

The members of the group confirmed their appreciation of their financial security, their hygiene and as the bar beckoned they locked the caravan door.

First stop was the pub at Kinky Braes.

The route was simple and etched on all their minds.

Turn left, walk across the gravel path.

Eight paces then cut the corner and walk on the grass.

Nine paces then one on the gravel path.

Open the right hand door.

Turn right.

Open another right hand door and dodge the pool players.

Twenty seven paces then open left side of mouth.

“Good evening, four pintsh of Tennentsh pleashe, he’sh paying”.

The pre fight drinks were almost legendary, largely because they were only 1 or 2 years old, notably that nobody remembered the next day.

Once a year had elapsed there was no hope of reollection, but why let the truth get in the way of a good story. There were always 3 or 4 versions as well, which was useful depending on which of the company you kept.

Part of the evening that always raised the temperature was the handicap committee. Every year before a ball was struck in anger the committee met to decide on the handicaps for the runners. Being as TC & Vince were always top weights, they took on this secretarial role. It was rarely impartial but the handing out of strokes was key to the success of the competition. JJ fresh from divorce was to be given a shot at all holes except the par threes. Last year he’d got a shot per hole but the freedom he was enjoying had improved his eye for detail, although it had little real effect on the golf course.

The Aubergine Kid was a different kettle of fish. He stank most of the time but 2 shots per hole might be a tad too generous. They would have to do it though on the grounds that his last three scores had been 132, 126 and 137. We had thought with these scores he could consider himself half way to being a Professional Golfer, as frequently they would score this after two rounds of golf not one. He beamed with pride at the thought that a Professional Golfer was only twice as good as he. Within a few years he may go for Professional status himself. He had worked out that Nick Faldo and Seve Ballesteros had been playing for 30 years and he had only played for eight months. Once he’d had twice as long playing he’d surely be in a league of his own. World class. We agreed.

There was more drink to be had and the committee work was concluded for the evening. There were salt and pepper vessels to juggle, pints to swallow and dominoes to be cracked open. There were fourteen year olds with filthy thoughts to avoid and we were starting to feel old. Mid twenty something’s being harassed by fourteen year olds, that was pathetic. Back to juggling the salt and pepper they thought. Back to the Van more like. The last bell rang the scene was set for battle to rage. “May the worst man win” Grimbly cried. We cried with him.

2.

The members of the handicap committee were forced to meet again following JJ’s incredible scoring. He’d taken a five iron at the first and put it to two feet. Off a bare St Andrew lie, this was not golf as we knew it Jim. The normally unreliable putter had been binned and he’d acquired Vince’s in exchange for his cherished “chunkitstraightintothehole”. A hapless piece of metal that even Vinny couldn’t putt with. With one birdie, net eagle, in the bag he’d strode onto the second tee at the Eden. A hole that now forms part of the driving range was intimidating to say the least. Bounded by the Old Course on the right, the Old Course hotel behind (a feat only TC had managed to date) and a traditional flurry of bunkers either side of the Ally McBeal middle. JJ stood tall. Put the ball 4” of his front foot and hit his traditional off drive over the bowlers head. Still mastering the game of Golf he had failed to notice the ball was stationery in this new game. We tried to explain it in cricketing terms, but as hard as we tried he couldn’t master it.

“Get your front foot to the pitch of the ball” cried Cy

“No, I could never do that at cricket either” was his resigned response.

The ball had got use to his flailing and had started accepting it as well. It galloped down the second fairway as only the springbok can with a cheetah chasing it for comradeship. It ran left around one bunker, right around the next and rolled out 120 yards from the green. For JJ, it was a seven iron from the green. It was only 1 hole and one drive, but the handicap committee was worried.

Cy & Vinny had always taken this onerous task on board. The issuing of Arnolds & additional strokes were never easy tasks. There was always someone who wanted to score more than the other. The greatest hacker by far was still AK Grimbly but JJ was a close second. On his day, JJ could surpass even the handicap committee’s combined score. On occasion he could total all three of his fellow pro’s, but the freak, had a mean streak and today we were seeing it.

As the others strode onto the tee the nervous fidgeting began. Vinny left his trail as usual, but it was a bit early, even by his bladder’s standards. The call of nature over, he assumed the position. The ball embedded in tee peg, while the tee was dumped in the ground. The practice swing was ignored and the flailing attempt made contact. This was to be a better than average contact and the out of bounds was within reach. Luckily a Japanese tourist was playing the Old Course and socially threw it back.

“Play it as it lies, I believe” he smirked as AK Grimbly assumed the position.

Tee peg, ball. Tee peg ball. He had a Tommy Cooper’esque feel to this game. It worked. Golf swings lampoon all your mannerisms your life values and style, encapsulated into seconds. Tee peg, ball. Club, ball. Tee peg, club, ball. Tee peg, ground. Ball, club. Tee peg, ground, ball, club.

We were ready.

Swing, stop. Swing, stop.

Hips, hands, swing, stop. Swing stop. Swing stop.
Hips, hand, swing, stop. Swing, hips hands stop,
Swing shoulders, hips hands stop, swing shoulders, hips, hands, stop.

SWING SHOULDERS HIPS ARMS HANDS BALL CRUNCH!

The rhythm was building and AK was winding up. A rousing crescendo was rising in his head and he knew it. The palms started sweating, the heart started pumping, this was a shot, a golf shot and a half that was about to be exploded onto this hole, the second hole, on the Eden course, St Andrews. They had never seen it before. This golf ball had never seen it before. The guys had never seen it before.

And still they didn’t. As the ball flew off the tee the sound of laughter was brutally suppressed with the respect of friends, a couple of hands, a baseball cap and a three wood’s head cover. It had to be fair, travelled a good distance in the belief that it was on its way to being the best shot the Eden had seen, before nose-diving 50 yards ahead, and maybe a bit to the left,  into a bunker designed to protect the 17th hole.

“Great strike, shame about the direction” came the well-versed lies.

“Just a fraction out on your timing, but it’s nearly there” was another piece of ill advised support.

The trolley however was on the move. “See you at the green” was heard as the body & bag moved seamlessly across the rough.

“I’m sure I’ll miss him” said TC rhetorically as he teed up. “I need shooting if I don’t” he replied to himself as he took his practice swing. Swing, swipe, ball straight up the middle. Bouncing at the wandering springbok’s ball it galloped on in search of a few more yards. Driving was never an issue for the wee man and the fast running links fairways maximised his weight advantage. But would he get it in the hole. The only problem he’d ever had in his golfing career, was to move the ball closer to the hole in the last 50 yards. The business end as they say. “Drive for show, putt for dough”, a mantra that had destroyed his professional career. On the circuit he’d been known as the pin up boy, but now he was with friends. They’d pin him down using the only part he couldn’t do.

“Get nearer the pin now then”, goaded Vinny

AK thrashed away in the bunker to some minor merriment. The further away you were the more merriment you had. You didn’t like to over-egg the merriment, but AK & bunkers were the finest act never to the grace the Edinburgh festival. Vinny topped his way up the course having recovered from his bit of good fortune. Blaming his lack of patience on a golf course that was empty, he rushed ingloriously into the valley of sin once more. And then it was JJ.

Off the front foot, 7 iron, swish. Bouncing merrily the ball had the green in its sight. Still twisting and turning but now with the more sublime grace of the cat walk the ball nestled up within 10 feet of the flag.

‘The business end’, thought Cy. ‘I’ll show them this time, I’ll use my putter’. Another mistake golfers make is that they cant do any worse with their putter. TC could. Shanking is supposed to be an art only performed with clubs like a 9 iron, a pitching wedge, a sand iron. Cy’s artistic repertoire however knew no such bounds. With the gentlest of swings he gave the man at point a chance of catching his ball as he putted it up the slope some 50 yards from the green at an angle of 70 degrees.

This resulted in posing him the most interesting of shots for his third as he had somehow positioned his ball behind a bunker on a downhill slope and Vinny was still laughing.

“I’m back in this” was the cry as he topped it for the fourth time onto the putting surface.

All this was to no avail however as JJ calmly stroked away his 10 foot putt into the hole for a one under par, birdie 3. With his stroke still to come off this score of 3, his net score of 2 made him the comfortable winner of the hole.

The others fought a valiant struggle for second place but as nothing but pride was at stake they were just at their normal level of rivalry. This meant that every stroke would be counted and a putt of 30cm was long enough to be counted. Normally conceded with the good grace that your opponent would be able to hole such a short putt, ‘a gimmee' was rarely offered in this company. The ball had to be close enough to the hole that the wind might blow it in before anything became a gimmee.



 Lloyd Cole's head looked such a good idea for the cover, unfortunately the printing machine said, 'you're having a laugh aren't you? So many bands in this issue as well as a big interview with Watergate Studios in Dundee. Studios are so much fun, its a bit of money well spent that all bands should experience once.
 After Morrissey in issue 24 came these two, 25 & 26 with Pop Wallpaper on the cover of 25 and Strawberry Switchblade supplying the 'guide to good living'. Paul Dicken's lyrics for "You Wont Hear Us" gave an incling where he was destined in life as he sang "We're searching for a real estate for us to anticipate". Gene Loves Jezebel were interviewed by Hilary, Might Mouth and Sasc, Random Rhythms lost the silent H and as consistently as Deadbeat was, appeared as Random Rythms 8 times as we plugged Guy Dadge's Stirling based musical workshop. Keith ensured Pop Wallpaper were given three pages to entertain readers on their "Great Adventure". Swansway were given the Hilary treatment with an interview and drawing after their Fat Sam's gig in Dundee. Cartoon strip the Deadbeats were trying to stop Steve Wright taking over the world by sending his hynoptic jingles, something the Dr Who writers would use 25 years later...Jock Edwards then gave us a rundown on how the Meadows Festival 1984 was organised before Vinny gave a plug to the Stagecoach timetable, proving he knew how to get up and down the road distributing the Deadbeats. Keith interviewed Fiction Factory who had just followed up "Feels like Heaven" with a re-release of their first single "ghost of Love" or "Ghost of a Chance..." as the band had re-named it. CBS had decided to re-release it on the basis that they might just cash in, Kevin and Eddie didn't agree.
 The June Brides first single on Pink got a great review as well as the necessary interview

Happy Hints returned in issue 26 and while Julie interviewed Sisters of Mercy in Glasgow, Vinny raved about June Brides. Local tapes from Accoustic Youth, BTOC, Single File, So you think you're a Cowboy, Plague of Fools, Maxim DaDa and Breakfast ofChampions are reviewed by various people while Mo tells us how good Talking Drums were while playing at La Sorbonne in Edinburgh's Cowgate, oh yes and plugging their next gig at Maestros in Glasgow on 15th July 1984. A flu victim with a runny nose, Pete Shelley was shown little sympathy by Keith and Vinny who needed their scoop. In the early days of the computer age it is very funny what a geek Pete was. Kissing bandits from Glasgow were interviewed by Jon who was passing the Park Lane studios one sunny day when the band were in recording. The Twinsets, Bourgie Bourgie and Lloyd Cole gig at the Caley Palais is given a balanced view while Kitsch and the Nightset's gig at the Hoochie Coochie is compared to Almond and Ball, well there were two of them and one sung and one played Keyboards. Dormannu were interviewed in St Andrews where they had stopped off on their tour promoting the single "Degenerate". Before the Crossword there is just enough time for a review of Red Guitars by Julie and a review of some American fanzines. As Vinny was to say later, we seem to be spending all our time reading and listening to all this shite that people send us, talking of which, Life Support promote their single "About You" on the back cover, although the might've been better off spending their time practising.
 The Cocteau Twins proved how bad Vinny was at judging music, he grew to love the Lullabies EP but having slagged it off in an earlier review was unable to secure an interview in issue 21, quite rightly the Cocteaus thought we were arseholes, although to be fair it was only Vinny. Issue 22 was the biggest we produced with 24 pages we took on more than we could chew. We spent longer producing it than we did selling it, or you the public in buying it - yes there's plenty left

The covers of issues 14 with Tracie and 18 with Screaming Nobodies the band with the boxing banter

Printing and Publishing

Looking back at these old things reminded me of the ink on my hands when we printed and distributed the finished Deadbeats. I had a print machine in my folks house and it was a clunky old AB Dick. I'd never been a printer before and it shows. The best thing about the old AB Dick's (apart from their scrap metal value) was the sound. In full tork the pages streamed through and as long as you kept the old drunk happy it churned out page after page. The only problem came when you had a cover like 24. Morrissey with the rest of the Smiths in the shadows. Black used a lot of ink and sometimes too much. The skilled printer could cope but not me. I grew wise and later issues had less concentrated sections of black. I was never one to bang my head against a brick wall for too long, somebody elses yes, but mine no. The earlier issues like no. 6 with Siouxsie Sioux or no. 9 with Ian McCulloch must've been a nightmare for Stevie the man who sold me the machine. I was really luck in 1986 when the inch community centre gratefully received my donation of scrap metal. When you look at what photocopiers could do you realised it wouldn't be long before these machines were fairly obsolete, although the sound will forever ring in my ears.

Once printed we'd take the 6 times 2500 bundles up the stairs and start to collate them. This by far was my favourite job. You can have all the interviews, even that one with the gorgeous Annie Lennox, and let me play origame as I take 6 pieces of paper marry them together, put a staple in the and then fold in half. I knew I wasn't meant for better things. Every time you completed another pile of ten, you'd look at the cover and talk yourself through the contents and start weaving the next issue. It was very laborious but never tedious. My mind always wanders and doing something as mundane as collating Deadbeats was the perfect foil for creating content. It was obvious from the beginning but clear as crystal towards the end. Keith & I didn't have the time to print and collate. When we started printing the end was nigh. It was one full day for novice printers. Numerous time saving prioritisation was put in place, we'd do the centre pages one day and then pages 2 & 19, or 2 & 23 and leave the cover until the day but it was all too much of a stretch.

As soon as you finished printing it was essential to get them married up, folded, stapled and distributed to the shops, yes published for reading. We took one small stage out and as a result taken control of something which had previously been a great control for us, namely finish writing, hand over to printer, go for a pint and wait for a call to let us do stage three. How joyously naive. We didn't realise that you need a day of rest! By the time we'd done the printing job we were usually a day behind schedule. There were bands to see, interviews arranged and as soon as we moved into the corporate version of Deadbeat the wheels ground to a halt. Its not a lie when people say small is best, its possibly truer to say small is easier, its simple but the truth is more likely to be keep your focus in the small and let the large look after itself. When we were growing from 500 - 1500 we were still publishing roughly every three weeks.

Looking at the history, issue one was published on a wet wednesday in August 1982 and the free issues continued until October, roughly every three weeks. By the end we had issue 33 declaring in December 1985 we were going to a quarterly publication and issue 33c, the unfinished free copy in August 1986.

By Issue 9 when Hilary drew Ian McCulloch from Echo & the Bunnymen for the cover we were in full three weekly cycle.

Week one we'd write up the material and hand over to the printer, week two we'd get it back and collate it and then we'd sell and distribute hopefully collecting more material via the gigs in the towns that we'd see.

There was plenty of material although very little did get discarded. We got a lot fussier later and it was manifest by the length of time it took us to get it out. Analysis paralysis and a growing belief in our own journalistic abilities got in the way. The rawness of the early issues is so refreshing. There is a great sense of purpose in the just get it out there. Its a fanzine and its a laugh. Its not to be taken too seriously, Morrissey hadn't been interviewed yet and there was no need for neurosis.

I was given great advice in 1985 from my boss Rick, "just do it right and just do it now". Its not too complicated so I followed this advice. A bit later  I realised how many people 'didn't get it right' and spent tomorrow not doing work but addressing their mistakes or 'didn't do it now' and were answering calls asking why something hadn't been done.

Only once with Deadbeat did I make that holy mistake of not getting it right when collating the fanzine. I had the pages all laid out but had a hangover and didn't fan them all to check they were all facing the same way. Oh how we laughed when I had to unstaple 200 copies to turn pages 8 & 11 the right way round, it wouldn't have been so bad but presenting the X-word answers before people saw the puzzle was clearly not the plan.

The issues came out on the following dates with the person/band on the cover.

Issue 5 -
Issue 6 -
Issue 7 -
Issue 8 -
Issue 9 - Jan - Feb 1983 Ian McCulloch cover
Issue 10 -
Issue 11 -
Issue 12 -
Issue 13 -
Issue 14 -
Issue 15 -
Issue 16 -
Issue 17 -
Issue 18 -
Issue 19 -
Issue 20 -
Issue 21 -

Issue 22 - Jan- Feb 1984 The Kate Garner cover
Issue 23
Issue 24 - March - April 1984 The Morrissey Cover
Issue 25 -
Issue 26 -
Issue 27 -
Issue 28 -
Issue 29 - Feb- March 1985 The Lloyd Cole cover
Issue 30 - April - May 1985 The Paul King cover
Issue 31 - August - Sept 1985 The Crucial Xylophones cover
Issue 32 -
Issue 33 - Dec 18 1985 - The Alarm cover
Issue 33c - The unpublished final issue many drawings