Rip van Bee

I woke up this morning and had a brilliant dream. Thatcher did not get elected in 1979. Healey was still chancellor and had used the oil revenues in three different ways. 1/3 he gave to the mining industry and said you have a limited lifespan, but let's keep the communities going for the next 20 years. The money would be invested in safety, retraining and in new uses for mines, ie museums and long term storage. He figured quite cynically that Scargill was getting on a bit and that by 1999 there would be no Scargill and the people he was bribing were currently 38-45.

Callaghan had pointed out the steel business and shipbuilding were also in terminal decline but he accepted the next 1/3 was for investment in the future, primarily infrastructure. Being an energy tax, Healey argued vociferously that the steel based industries should re-invent themselves as part of the new manufacturers. New cleaner power was envisaged in the coming generations and harnessing its power profitably as it moved from the laboratories to the manufacturing plants was key. Ditching loss making activities at the early stage was crucial. Electricity was the new idea. The new national grid would run parallel with the railways and the massive transit systems. The pylons would be gone and the electrification of the railways would provide a grid the envy of the world. The primary resources of water would also be part of the national grid. In the Somerset flats, massive canals would sit either side of the raised railways. With the collapse of other steel business, we had a lot of manufacturing plants going empty. Huge grants were made available for any company transforming itself and their staff to fulfil elements of the national grid. British Steel wasted no time in availing itself of the largesse. The investment was not just for steel. Healey targeted the developing telecoms industry and one of its off shoots, something called the internet. He finished his budget speech to rowdy cheers as he set out plans radically transforming the water industry with his proclamation to create 100,000 new plumbers.

Having visited Scotland during the 1979 bid for devolution he was conscious how dreich it could be so  1/3 he suggested be put away for a rainy day.

During the early 80's he realised that the sale of council houses was a plan the public embraced and took note. He matched the tory policy on discounts and agreed to sell houses to any tenant however with a caveat that if they subsequently sold the house within 10 years the discount would be returned on a 10% sliding scale. All revenues were to be reinvested in new council houses and councils were obliged to ring fence infrastructure revenues which highlighted the tory plan to use the proceeds to reduce central government support of councils. Every council was asked to set aside an area to convert into new accommodation. 80% council housing 20% student housing where appropriate. Where council house sales exceeded certain levels new schools, libraries, recreation centres and hospitals were to be built as part of the infrastructure.

As unemployment fell from the 1million to 650,000 universities were seeing a greater proportion of overseas students who were happily filling the skills shortages, particularly in the new computer related industries.

Tax revenues from those employed rose as the government continued to see employment figures rise.

Then I woke up, a bit snarly having heard we get getting devo max minus the oil revenues clearly belong to London as that's where the spreadsheet is. We can have all the tax raising powers, except on the big things, as we need it for cross rail, HS2, another millenium dome....

back to sleep, it was all looking so rosy...zzzzzzzz

Its over - Mebbees aye, mebbees NAW!

Aye, Dundee might be known for jam jute and journalism but now it is the official capital of the Yes vote and  Glasgow, North Lanarkshire & West Dunbartonshire can also lay claim to having smelt the roses. I'd suggest future campaigns start there but I doubt there will be any. We are unlikely to be afforded another chance in the next 30 years. We must now find a way forward in the current set up.

Firstly though, Falkirk. What are they drinking out of the canal there. Ballot stations closing at 4pm because everyone had voted!! This is hysterical, it tops the imperial masters rickshaw. If we could get the rest of the population to follow that polling station in Falkirk these votes would cost peanuts. Like a self service bar. Open until 4pm thereafter, Joan, Elsie, Jimmy and Big Tam you'll find your ballot paper behind the bar. Just pop it in the box there. This is the democracy we strive for. The one where every vote counts and people feel they count. 88% in Falkirk and Clackmannanshire is a pretty tasty turnout.

As for the No campaign, I always thought the closer to the power the more likely you are to cling on. My home city voted overwhelmingly, No Tack! 

Caution is something we do well. Random decisions get made all around us but generally speaking we are a cautious lot. This is why the No campaign were well advised to tell us that we could'nae organise a piss up in a brewery. All of them should know as they have been running the UK for the whole of our lives.

But it is politics. This is why Gordon Brown could tell us how he knew best. The same guy that the rest of the UK told to walk along short plank. He was a good foil for them. England hated him so we had to listen. Everyone had their underdog, and every underdog has its day. I backed an 18/1 shot the other day and watched it scoot up.

The key to the No campaign for me early on was that they convinced me to vote No. I wanted to vote YES, but when I saw how inept their campaigning was, I realised we were going to be in trouble long term. I then heard the pack of lies coming out of London and relaxed and voted Yes. Long term the voter turn out suggests this country will have a lot more entrants into politics from different spheres, not just the Oxbridge graduates.

The best answer Salmond gave was if we cost the rest of the UK so much whiy do they want us. Like a one legged sheep dog they came up and showered love and platitudes on us that clearly had a few of us puking. The original vote was supposed to be 65% - 35%, so did the imperial masters help or hinder the cause.

My life has been sorting out messes made in haste by people in London. Highly pressurised, tired from long daily commutes and unable to make decisions on the hoof one lot racked up debts of £500m. Sorting it out was fun, but stopping them making the same mistakes again was not so easy. Others like me went down and sorted these types of messes out but the penny never dropped and my affinity with London is now primarily on the social side. Big metropolitan centres suck people and jobs in but when they cant get the best they take whatever is available locally. There is now a massive crisis in London as they suck people in but dont have the education or transport infrastructure.

I wondered what part the Trams would play. You can have Cross rail, HS2, Wembley stadium, the millenium dome or even a big fucking aircraft carrier that was the wrong size for the planes, to name a few miscalculations, but we were in Scotland and we were in Edinburgh, a decision that the council made and then found themselves over a barrel with. Hmmm, if we deliver nothing it costs £500m deliver something it cost £800m. This was a proper fuck up. The No campaign used it very successfully to scare the people of Edinburgh it couldnt govern, only London could. 

For me the greatest thing about the referendum was the turnout. On average 84% of people got out of their bed, care homes and asylums to vote. Even if a lot of the older people were more cautious and swayed the result, I dont care. I'd rather they vote against my preference than not vote at all, I'm mad that way. Its quite funny that a turnout of 75% can be considered low. My own take is Glasgow got a high turn out and thats why it voted YES. In an ultra high turnout it is blind panic and caution to say No that wins the day. I've not done the sums but I figure if Falkirk had 88% turnout the 43% who voted no probably equates to the 50+% who voted yes in Glasgow. IE YES generally polled at 40% of the total possible and they squeezed every bit out. The unknown, status quo cant be arse converted to a No vote in many areas but in Glasgow it did stay in bed awaiting a conclusion. 75% is huge though and it shows that politicians have engaged the public better than ever before, even if the purple prose was at its most poetic.

Hysterically funny how many barrels of oil surfaced hours after the referendum vote closed. In case we didnt know its not just Salmond, all politicians present to us what they want. Some people call this lying, but they arent all lying bastards. They just forget things from time to time.

I feel its time to bring in SS Politician. Yes Whisky Galore. Yes all those barrels of oil had been hidden and when the good ship went down, up they popped!!

I think if the SNP missed a trick they needed to get UK Sport involved. Not for their votes but for the 0.2% here and there that they needed, one I thought was worth 0.3% was they could have suggested their future name. We knew we didnt want the SNP governing us as nationalists just want independence. If they keep the name afterwards it suggests, Franco, or  others who have continued to govern as nationalists. Had they suggested they would be opening up a democratic party to encourage membership and new representatives it might have shown more of the futre and how we'd participate. The vacuum was filled by fear from opposition parties who through the BBC proposed that Jim Sillars represented the only view likely to oppose Salmond. Jim Sillars and many others would undoubtedly have been hugely influential, but we would have had many more, the YES campaign never succeeded in selling them. Ironically Gordon Brown was positioning himself for prime minister of Scotland, it would've been a great trivial pursuit question in 2050. 

We do want a democracy in our country. We currently have not got a democracy. The UK is a busted flush. They are clinging on in the houses of parliament, but constitutional reform must come.

What will it look like?

The same, ride out the storm, get the general election over with and then do nothing. W had a bite at the cherry, hope everyone enjoyed it.

There are a few postscripts

Firstly - 97% of the electorate registered to vote. OK if we know its 97% how do we know the 3% didnt? We must know who they are, why did they not tell us throughout the campaign who the 3% are.

Secondly - It seems Lloyds are still moving the jobs. The referendum was a convenient opportunity and not one to miss.

Independence - YES or NO - its not just the end of British Summer Time

As the might of the westminster machine rolled into Scotland, eluding Alex Salmond's well positioned Panzer divisions it was clear that Vinny would go walkabout, and he did.

Alicante, then up to Barcelona where I had many discussions with the Spanish and Catalonians about our referendum. In homage to Catalonia George Orwell gave a simple account of the civil war 1936-39 and although I didnt re-read it, there are many themes that run through from 80 years ago. British Summer Time was not among them.



A guy in a rickshaw wearing a darth vader costume while shouting "bow down to your imperial masters, they've come a long way to Glasgow today" over the Sky wars soundtrack has probably been up the top of my top 10 comedic moments. There's been loads.

Cameron telling Salmond he can have his after school clubs already, while his researcher is shouting in his ear piece, yes but he wants the tax revenues from letting parents go back to work earlier to pay for it, YA DAFTY!

Salmond meantime meanders around a number of points as nimbly as I did at my wedding. Sore feet all round and a noticeably large number of women switched off by him. Given that the other side are shagging their way through Westminster, allegedly, it comes as no surprise that not being a womaniser loses votes. Its one of those oxymorons, although it is easy, to comprehend. If he had the charm, he would get the women out voting and he probably would be a shagger. Look at Hollande in France, although, he has taken it a bit too far and now looks like every woman in France is an ex. Salmond doesnt exude that charm, he's no Bill Clinton. He's a wee dumpy guy who went to St Andrews, backs a few horses, cracks bad jokes and probably enjoys the odd light ale. Sounds like me, definitely nae time for shaggin.

So what are the vote winners, what are the things that are getting us out of bed to vote, well except me as I posted mine before my travels.

When I reached Narbonne in France, we discussed the auld alliance, and whether the French would welcome us into the Euroland. "Mais oui, vous avez beaucoup d'argent, huille, whiskey, en France il'y'a rien". Well that's the euro and economic argument put to bed then. It seems we get into Europe as net contributors and part of the energy security, we also disprove the theory that we cant be a profitable nation. As well as education and tourism, computer games and golf we can also export some of our other things like oil and whiskey which may help the fledgling economy and if we dont get to keep the pound they'll throw the euro at us making it even easier to get tourists.

The big questions for the floating voter though are will it make much difference. How much control over our revenues do we need in order to max out on the economy. Let's face it, Clinton always said, its the economy stupid. This is the whole deal. The main and only argument those discussing YES & NO need to have.

Voting YES means that there will be a transitional phase and we will all be worse off initially, except the constitutional lawyers and accountancy firms employed to negotiate the separation. There is plenty reason to fear the size of the divorce bill as there is not going to be lot of love in this room after a YES vote. The ends will justify the means when 35 years down the road in 2049 we are looking at a successful development of the work that was started since the split.

At present we look back on the years since 1979 and are somewhat bewildered. All our tory MPs have left to get constituencies in safe seats down south. I wasnt a big fan of them and laughed when they left then and in 1983, but the real loser was democracy. These guys were parachuted in just as people from down south came further north to find a safe Labour seat. If representative democracy is to work, then civic volunteer, councillor to MP is surely the route we want most people to take. Let's face it, the civil service guide the hand anyway.

The measure as I say will be in 2049. Its 35 years ATE (after thatcher election) so 35 AYE (after YES eventually) that we can look each other in the eye and say we've migrated to a model closer to the Swedish one. Higher taxes, full employment, after school clubs.

Many voting NO will be saying, exactly. I dont want that. Its clear if Scotland on its own votes for a government it will be left leaning, like left used to be not Tony's Troskyite version.

Education education education was his mantra. We didnt realise it was the old school bully nonsense of I'll show him....I digress, we discuss the future not the past.

On balance I am pro-democracy, which meant I became a YES voter. There is no line that is a vote winner for me, on either side. It is a massive vote of faith.

In 1979 & 1997 there was a massive vote of faith and it was misplaced. One spent all our money on creating high and sustainable unemployment (for those wondering why Norway has a huge oil fund of £800bn and we have a £1trillion deficit ask Sherlock how much it cost per annum to keep 3 million unemployed never mind how could it grow if it could've been invested). 1997 is best left alone, its still too raw but the emphasis is on democracy.

2014 and another vote of faith. Keep with the union, leave home and start afresh. I think if we split up, we'll be closer together in the future, if we stay together we will disintegrate. I think our democracy on these islands will improve as we show the way forward. Scotland has taken the lead in the past and not just with the poll tax.

Its a lot of dough to get rid of trident, and will we have politicians who keep their noses from the trough. There are lots of places where we would choose to invest if we had control over the revenues. Its not just about providing free this and that. It is about investing in infrastructure industries. We led the way with the turbines but the Danes got the job manufacturing as we were so busy closing all our steel mills. Check the Proclaimers letter to America if you dont believe me! Will we choose to do that or will we acquire a taste for fine port?

Can we make whisky cheaper and therefore stimulate investment by the distilleries in the independent Scotland instead of Japan?

Nobody knows. Its a leap of faith that business leaders will continue to see that Edinburgh is the number 2 financial centre currently and in the top 10 in Europe. Will that change? Its up to them but the talent will not leave Edinburgh unilaterally. What makes these financial institutions migrate to Edinburgh and Glasgow is the pool of staff. For every Standard Life that makes noises about leaving there are Blackrocks, JP Morgans and the rest who view the cost and quality of the staff, its geographical positioning between Asian and North American markets as being pivotal.

Can Salmond and the successors in this new democracy fuck it up? Of course they can. They've been educated the same way as the screw balls I mentioned earlier did so for the whole of the UK, but with any luck our democracy will be more robust. Who knows, but we'll find out some answers soon and others we may not even find out at all.

Good luck whichever way you vote, we'll still be in the pub Friday night.

Vinny B @ Swanys, Tuesday August 19th

If music be the food of love, the crowd at swany's would be a starving lovelost bunch. Happily its the festival and getting out yer face on a tuesday night listening to Vinny destroying every song he ever wrote and a few other people created.

Opening up with "sitting on dock of the bay" was a promising start. The guitar seemed in tune and the lack of a microphone meant the singing may well have been in tune too. The follow up of Wreckless Eric's whole wide world was another gentle intrusion into the pre-theatre menu. It was 7.05pm and all seemed well. The bar was deserted apart from Dave the barman and a couple of bits of tumble weed.

"Watch you grow" was next up as the tempo grew. Relying on a hearty bunch to echo the singer's chorus, in a retro Alarm style 68 Guns,....for guns guns guns, sing grow, grow, grow....you could see the tumble weed growing to the task.

In pure camino styled magic, a rendition of the Proclaimers' "500 miles" continued the singalong and when Charlie leaving PAtaka heard his song being destroyed he popped in to give Vinny a few tips. Swelling the crowd to one was just what Vinny had been hoping for. What he didnt realise is that he would become the crowd as Charlie gav a masterclass in one man, small venue, no mic performance. As Vinny sung along to Sunshine on Leith he realised that he was indeed a very good pub singer, when someone else was performing. Alas Charlie had to go as his carry out was ready for collection and Vinny resumed with "Stop you Sobbin".

Quite apt as he watched Charlie disappear and left Dave the barman distraught in his emptiness.

Vile Rapport 1981 classics, "Why?" & "Romantic turn" were dished up as easy to play inoffensive fare. Distraught Dave looked to have composed himself.

"No peace for the Wicked", "Another girl another planet" and "its the truth" followed in quick succession as the only ones segment came to an end, as did the first act. The teams were out and Arsenal v Besiktas took centre stage. With only 45 minutes to rehearse for the half time show. Vinny wasted no time in getting a second opinion from Distraught Dave. "Faraway" was clearly a favourite.

There was much talk about the Buzzcocks, but nobody knew the chords. Interesting as the chords were easy, it was just the order. Outrageous Disorder. The penny drops as the mushroom rises had not figured at this stage and the cold war classic looked comfortable in its cloudy past.

The halftime show was full of keyboards as first "Satellite of Love" then Perfect Day" were treated to the Vanity B Fair makeover. As the crowd cried for a stones cover, Vinny experiemented with the first bar of several before acknowledging, "Naw, ah dinnae ken any"

The crowd started getting edgy as the football had started again and Vinny hadn't stopped experimenting with the Boomtown Rats "Rat Trap". While little julie was watching top of the pops, the volume control was working well on the telly and a 0-0 draw would be played out while Vinny faded to grey!

Pataka - Fusion dining experience - 5 stars

A great Scottish welcome is rare in Edinburgh but Pataka have specialised in it since they first opened their Charles Rennie Mackintosh themed restaurant. The food is superb with traditional Indian and Bengali dishes cooked to perfection. Marinades make the chicken tikka mouthwatering but whatever your preference you'll get your taste buds dancing. Good food is a given at good restaurants and service is sometimes ignored. Pataka people make you feel special. Good service compliments good food, it is that simple. That's why I've been going to Pataka whenever I'm in Edinburgh, and will be for a long, long time. Vinny B

Anniversary time again!

Like my alma mater - our 30th anniversary just rolls and rolls. It is now 31 years since issue 16, yes, Strawberry Switchblade and also 31 years since our 1st birthday when The Wild Indians and Pop Wallpaper produced the flexi disc and we produced an issue that sold out. At 10p including a flexi disc a pile of shite would've sold out.

Evan where are they all now, bring us up to date. Keith is up from London this week so maybe arrange something at Bennets in Maxwell Street if you are all still living in Clinton Road. Well of course its 31 years on and you wont, but just in case....Bennets is handy

I've moved house this past week and I'm exhausted. Age does not make you stronger. I did however heave a huge pile of back issues to Backbeat in Crosscauseway. I gave them a load of records too, pass it on I say. Guys like Backbeat enabled Deadbeat to get started and sustained us through our first year. The record companies then gave us free records and 30 years on those promo copies of Talking Heads etc have made it all the way back to the deserving second hand shops like Backbeat.

Backbeat also kindly took some fanzines from around the globe like Falling and laughing, simply yellow, etc etc. Photo courtesy of fat Al some time in 1982 at cimitierie de pere lachaise....

Carl Donnelly, 4th Aug 2014. Upstairs at the Pleasance 4 stars

On a very warm 2 for 1 evening Upstairs in the Pleasance, Carl Donnelly is rocking a new look, double denim and, lack of spectacles... This allows him to kick off with a bit of audience participation but in case its his ice breaker we'll leave him to crack the ice.

What`s behind the image update? 

First is the break up of his marriage and second the eye surgery, and yes they are very much related. The former supplying most of the material for this years show. 

Thankfully, he`s now in a much better place he explains, starting off with the night.... distraught as he left the marital home, leading to an in depth heart to heart with his dad, his travels through India, to this show...and all the pitfalls that have befallen him in between....Alcohol, hallucinogenics, horrific house parties and attempting spiritualisation through a Peruvian magic tea, there`s not much missing, even a victorian wanker.

BJM

Beirut - eating for fun

Eating at the festival is one of the great pleasures for visitors and locals alike. Pop up restaurants appear all over the place and some of our busier places thin out a wee bit. If you want good food, look no further than the Edinburgh Central Mosque and the original mosque kitchen. If you start at the Mosque, I guarantee you 30 different types of cuisine within 5 minutes walk. I like Tapas. Lasal does Spanish Tapas in Howden Street while Mother India does Indian Tapas dishes in Infirmary Street.

Just such a place is Beirut. Come out of the Mosque, turn right, and with the BBC tent on your left, hang a right into Nicholson Square. As you come around the corner another 20 steps takes you to the door of Beirut and another 10 steps will get you to your table. If you've thought about it in advance you will have brought a carry out, and if you dont drink alcohol you will get all the drinks you need in the restaurant.

Thereafter there's a menu but if you have brought a pal, a partner or even just bumped into someone who had a rumbly tummy, then sit down and order the banquet for two. Its simple, tasty and huge. Lebanese food is fusion food for those of us who were brought up on mince and tatties. For anyone who has sampled tapas, meze, you know where I'm going. Lots of good flavours and combos that have worked for 1000's of years.

Neither rushed in and out, nor left dangling for too long the service was superb. Suitably chilled unlike my lager from Lidl, but at 75p a tin, I shouldn't complain. So when the bill is less than £40 and you cant finish the baklava, my only complaint was a lack of space in my ballooning belly.

I love Mediterranean food so I am biased. However, our tip is usually an indication of how much we enjoyed our meal. It was great, we tipped happily and will do so again very soon.

Eddie Izzard - force majuere - 25 years of joy - 5 stars

An hour in my life that I'll never get back and ah never want back. The journey Eddie Izzard takes you on is still the same. It is simply superb surreal comedy. Dali would love the way he melts time. As scholarly as his artistic licence allows him, he juggles time and states-people (well statesmen really, that's the way they write history....), moves seamlessly through the epochs and never forgets to give the Gods a glance. Giving punchlines away would not spoil the show as his delivery is everything. We all know why later copies of the bible suppressed the bit when Adam and Eve discussed cross dressing. We wont dwell on the ego of a performer or even older phrases on the power of deep voices, its the delivery, and Eddie delivers across a diverse eclectic range of topics. The crowd hang on every syllable and when it doesnt arrive the tension just makes the humour better. Has he forgotten?... is it for effect?... what is he thinking? The Danish have laughing clubs and Eddie clearly has his own touring laughing club. There is no tension in the room. He tries to remind us that the right wing are still alive and kicking us, but we know, and we pretend it doesnt hurt. Tonight, of course, it doesnae hurt. We have our saviour, our talismanic, idiosyncratic action transvestite. Go on yersel big man, well in those heels we'd all be big men.

The last time I saw Eddie in a venue this small was in the last months of Thatcher's Britain at the Brighton comedy club. I'd travelled down from Edinburgh and after a game of 5-a-sides stumbled into one of the finest nights of my life. Joint second with my wedding and daughter's birth. All through the 80's we had divided the country in two. Comedy was the same. Alternative comedy grew out of the ashes of our manufacturing industry although the greatest irony was working mens' clubs gave voice to the old right wing fascists, but I digress. As Thatcher's cabinet was nimbly applying pressure to the pillow they had lifted over her whisky stained gob a more sophisticated alternative comedian had appeared. Eddie shone in that Laura Ashley frock back then. He was a more overt transvestite but his mind was as sharp as the tangent at the point of a circle. Yeah, really sharp. 

He looked 25 years older but that could just be the marathons he's run or the fact that he is 25 years older and even action transvestites dont believe a nip and a tuck is a good use of financial reserves. Instead Eddie very kindly let the impoverished public wander in for £15 to an intimate gig which he did in German and French earlier in the evening. The same show performed every hour for 3 hours in 3 languages is his well publicised new gig. Some language teachers need to look at getting the kids along to his shows. The French gig tonight was not sold out, that is simply a scandal. Fanfuckintastico when he adds Spanish to the list. He'll be doing 4 hours a night, even when footballers have to go to extra time and penalties they still dont do that long and they charge more than 4 x £15....

Quite simply Eddie Izzard is a human being in our space, on our planet at the same time as us. Quite simply in the absence of God and the Clash, he is the new religion. Quite when he'll have the resources to do the show in Gaelic is unknown but I'm sure he'd relish the challenge.

Blues n Trouble - Queens Hall Edinburgh - July 2014

Well, its a full 30 years since issue 27 had Blues n Trouble being interviewed by Mad dog Doug and Keith, the same Keith who along with Vinny interviewed Joe Strummer in La Sorbonne one year later.....I digress, so Blues'n'trouble are still playing and this week its the Queens Hall but clashing with Smiley Miley.....after the gig, go and check out issue 27. I'm having website trouble again...its that 50 year old in me,

 it seems the clock restarts at 50, and yes I'm 1 now....

EUROPEANS IN TROPIC

FORMER BANDS MEMBERS WILL KNOW THAT APRIL 8TH 2014 WAS WARREN OZZIE HUTCHINS 50TH.

I'M THE INCOMPETENT VINNY BEE BUT HERE'S A MESSAGE FROM PETER - PLEASE GET IN TOUCH

Looking for any contact for former members of the band Europeans in Tropic. Trying to find friends of late Warren Ozzie Hutchins who died some 30 years ago and was a member of the band. My partner Fiona is his sister, and Warren would be 50 years old today. Hope someone may be able to help.

All the power in the hands, of the people rich enough to buy it

While we walk the streets, too chicken to even try it..

Yes Tony Blair was brought up on the Clash, he misunderstood the message and where are we now?

40 years on from the 70's - London may not be burning but everybody's sitting round watching television, they have the new religion. Electronic media killed the spirit of Trainspotting, just as, video had killed the radio star, allegedly.

When Joe talked about the new religion he couldn't have envisaged people bumping into each other playing text dodgems, the new British bulldogs for the school playground, but as I type as a screen, there's no getting away from it, it is the new religion. Churches are full of people who are not computer literate. Its obvious they turn to God when their PC wont come on. Why? is it broken or because their partner had wisely flicked the switch at the wall and the irascible auld git heads up to church seeking sanctuary and some divine inspiration, and if he's no too busy, intervention.

We predicted this back in March 1983 and by 1984 all our apocalyptic vision were starting to come true. Labour had imploded, Mrs Galtieri had won another election and was selling her pals all the stuff she'd found in the basement of parliament. The sign read, Poundies of Parliament. The whole infrastructure of the country was sold at everything must go prices. BT went with a 50% discount and to prove they couldnt be blamed for another flood or rail disaster, water and rail followed swiftly off the shelves. Obviously rail came with the bail out for life card that is normally reserved only for children. Obviously devolving power stopped at getting rid of the energy companies, but yes, again 'bail out for life' card comes with every nuclear plant. This bail out for life card came in useful when the 5th emergency service, oor postie, was seemingly on sale for ever. As soon as the £10bn pension shortfall was removed it was sold, aye, you got it, half price, nae bother. What aboot oor Postie? Slowly being shafted into oblivion. The last remaining care workers in the profession are being told to stop talking to people on their rounds. They are supposed to be moving so fast if a pile of mail is building up at old Janie Jones' hoose, feck her, you're a postie no social services....thankfully we still have a lot of Posties who know that if it takes a bit  longer its worth it. In this disconnected world there is still one person who knows a few people  in our streets and stairs, and do you think our MPs or councillors seek them out to ask them questions......but why would they do that...they only walk the streets and know the constituency. In any other country every James Bond would start as a postie, every under cover cop would do the rounds and learn the trade of their community, but what do we do? We privatise it so that there are less Posties on the ground and more managers in the moneymaking offices discuss strategy.

Deadbeat was there. We walked every step. Career Opportunities the one that never knocks. I knew I didnt want to be a bus driver or ambulance man and I certainly didnt want to go fight in the army or the RAF, despite the growing number of opportunities.. being a Postie really had appeal

After the success of the Higsons issue with Switch adorning the cover for the girls, Annie Lennox was our cover girl for issue 11 keeping the boys happy.

We never got that interview with Debbie Harry or Siouxsie Sioux, maybe that'll come before our 40th anniversary.

So Funboy three are the next cover issue 12 but spring forward to March 1984, 85 & 86 and its a different mob

My memory fails me just now but undoubtedly Lloyd Cole was darkening our front page in 85 for issue 29. The joint best album of the year. 30 years on I think it works. I've heard Lloyd now on his own and he can be a bit of a car crash without the smooth polished rigours of the band to keep him on track. He does become the wandering minstrel quite successfully. I think that's what Bowie sussed early, probably a week after the ivor novello awards night. Doing a gig is fourteen little sketches. A three minute tour for the senses. If its kept tight and it rolls on you have a fantastic sketch show. If you have an advert breaks where you discuss where a song was written and it becomes 'an evening with....' well it all goes pear shaped for me. I wanna shout, I wanna sing, I'm hear for the music, as Clinton famously said during his re-election, "its the music stupid",  Me I'm heading back to the garage because....I'm in love Janie Jones.... and to listen to the Clash at La Sorbonne again...and does anyone remember the name of the famous Edinburgh band who wouldn't step aside for them that night.....answers on a postcard....all will be revealed at the Deadbeat reunion on the 22nd

February Finales

Not really a finale, more a final post, but before we expire, we have to review the February deadbeats in preparation for our 2014 anniversary - 28 years since the last issue or 31 years and 8 months since the start, let's party, Oxford bar, 8pm, see you there. I clearly have a few more chins than I used to and whenever I meet guys from yesteryear, I can be confused by the ones who forgot to eat the pies. Clearly I only ever went backstage to eat the buffet. Dont get me wrong, I could do a line or two, but when it came to the buffet, it was a shame to see it go to waist, oops, waste, I took my diet pills after I'd eaten, c'mon, I wanted to stay up all night, but why miss out on the buffet. You've blagged it backstage, why hang around the powder when there were vol au vents lined up.

Charlie Higson plies his trade as a writer now but back in the day, he adorned the front cover of Deadbeat #10. The interview was the usual nonsense. "Oh, you're from Norwich, Backbeat records are in Norwich, arent they?

Yeah, how do you know about Backbeat? asked Switch

I read it on the internet, replied Vinny, fresh from a seminar on the future of information processing

Aye, said Switch putting on his finest 'Scotch' accent as we went back to talking about Norwich being the new Edinburgh, Glasgow Liverpool and any other city that NME or Sounds had advised us was 'appening.

Issue 10 preceded #11. Annie Lennox  & Dave Stewart arrive to play the Barracuda in March but for now its February.

The year is 1983 and we sold out. We felt we'd arrived when we sold out. We knew there was an election coming and we werent sure that selling out was the right thing to do. I think I also burnt my balls in an ashtray in the TSB but that's another story. Life Support had got a gig and we were being bad as usual. As we blasted out "Out of time, out of tune" I did the splits, then decided to straddle a table as I sung some words I'd make up as the circumstances demanded. On this occasion, I made up words as usual but the smell permeating the air was burnt hair followed by burnt baws. I looked down as the words went up a key to see a fag sitting in the ashtray, with said baws as company, as I removed myself from the table and tucked my shrivelling sac back from whence it came, I smiled and sung notes I'd never reach again. "out of time, out of tune and out on the embers...." Oh how I laughed as I sung... As a precursor for a vasectomy it was a glorious warm up.....

The band as professional as ever continued..... playing different songs.....

But back to the interview with the Higsons. They had their first and only hit that they were out promoting, "Run me Down". The Norfolk sound was non-existent. The three mains bands all played completely different  styles, rhythms and the sounds were unique. Personally, the Farmers Boys worked for me but I just liked the voice. Run me down was as good as anything else at the time, it was a bad time though. We were up against it as a society. It was about to end. The family jewels were about to be sold off and war was on its way. The tory party had found their own Gen. Galtiere and if we thought 1982 was the beginning of the end, 1983 proved it was only the end of the beginning.

Nobody will ever know what this country would've looked like if she hadnt won that election but if we had a society before, it certainly never existed afterwards. It was a shit time to care. It was a great time to be an opportunist, and many certainly prospered. The great thing about selling off council houses and nationalised industries is that those who could afford to buy them, would be well rewarded. The thing about Capitalism is that it thrives on people having access to capital. Those with access to capital, get given more capital. Those with no access are fecked.  As all the industries and council houses had been sold by the time the Socialists returned to power they had to sell the gold and start more wars. In fact, they started a war with the Socialists in their party and decided that the party would now be called a Capitalist party, but nobody told them Capitalism had died. It had morphed. politcal and economic systems dont stand still forever. While nobody had noticed Deadbeat in February 1985 decided to throw its hat into the ring.

Capitalism is Dead, it pronounced, long live Opportunism. Hardly prophetic, but we had suddenly became aware it wasnt just a case of musical chairs or pass the parcel, it was indeed dead. The marketing was now everything. Only two years earlier we were being told about the Norfolk sound and now we were being advised that bands like Dancing Bears and The Men Men weren't what people wanted. I'm just flogging a Deadbeat tape, but I sat in the A & R rooms of many companies and they played me what I was to find in Scotland. I laughed. I said its pish. They told me its where music is going. I said no. Its the Wedding Present, have you heard some of the Creation sounds, I said have you heard this sound you're playing? Its tumbleweed ya dafty, As Anita Ward said, I'm out of here. I didnt have a deal, I wasnt looking for one on behalf of anyone, I just wanted a free coffee and biscuits, to stay on the mailing list to get free LPs, but please, NO!!! I dont want that pish you call the future. Only a year later I was involved in a fracas with Big Phil and those arseholes from Matt & Gloss. It was a mini pagger, mini, because we had to go back to work......and in London its worse than handbags at footie.

Its taken me a long time to realise why Deadbeat did finally run out of steam, I'd always thought it was because we were too busy working, getting married, divorced, that kind of thing, but with the glorious benefit of hindsight, the glorious fun, the joyous nonsense, the carnage of burning yer baws, or biting yer way through a long line of vol au vents had become sipping cappuccino while listening to pish. If it sells its good. If its the only thing in the shops, the only thing on the radio, the only ticket you can buy in this totalitarian state...it was all getting messy, time to go retro and get that stuff from the 70's

"Wasnt I lucky, wouldn't it loverlee.....where did you go..."

We were in a desert and it was time to desert....The greatest irony to all of this was that I missed the oasis.....where the Stone Roses grew.....well, I was working......

January Deadbeats

Its back - another year - I've updated issues 11-17, seems like Janaury 1983 was the start of something big, it was certainly the end of me doing any studying at St Andrews. Much bigger fish to smoke as Arbroath, Aberdeen, Dundee, Glasgow, Inverness, Inverurie, Perth,  Norwich, Liverpool, London and all towns 'not' St Andrews started to stock Deadbeat

Dancing Bears rolling back the years

"Looking back on the days when, we had such....."

Fun! You guess it and I'm sure Maurice and everyone else did too. That's what happens as you hit 50, you get bookings for all the private parties, shame I couldnt get blasted away but I'm sure you'd have a good one. I saw the Beautiful Suit a year ago, Donna alive and kicking cowboy joe and anyone else who got in her way at Simon's 50th. I'm not sure if it was the Ruby suit or Beautiful suit as once you get to 50 its all about getting the band back together, names rarely come into it.

I did the same myself last December as Tucker, Ross and Simon squeezed Dock of the Bay, Teenage kicks and Whole Wide World around my warbling.

But now, I'm off to Spain again to walk 500 miles. I'll try and write that September/October Deadbeat update, and the August one too but art is now immitating life as my attention is dragged off again...this time to vbcamino3, the new blogging home for the month of October.

Buen camino

www.500m.wordpress.com
www.fatal-bananas.blogspot.com

Rocky Reihill returns to Edinburgh Friday 5.22pm

Barney clearly still has Mark's guitar but if you want to catch up with the vile rapport guitarist, fat Si or Fat Al we meet at Waverley off the 5.22 fi London

The cherry orchard - deadbeat reunion Saturday august 3

Yes, you've guessed, Caitlin is upholding the traditions of nostlagic 80's nonsense, see you on Saturday, bevvy afterwards. Proud father, beaming unashamedly, that's what years of drinking does....

Deadbeat issue 16 - festival round up 1983

Its always jumpin in July

Jumpers for goalposts, and golf, that's what july does. Well that and jumping about a Glastonbubble and at other festivals like the collapse of the Berlin wall, what's that? News just in July it was still intact? hmmn... I'm sure it wasnae the last time I passed it but I agree, July may not have been the month.

July however was the month Strawberry Switchblade did agree to arrive on the cover of Deadbeat  issue number 16. Its too hot, never mind the summer of 84, this is 2013 and its not for me all this heat.

aha - the picture above suggests it wiz more August, mind you the picture below suggests I need a nose job, that or a haircut, a shave, and also the long awaited diet, oh and a smile wouldn't be out of the question either.....

Grumpy git mair like. Anyway, I have found the issue 15 that had Pavlov Orange and many other stars not least

cant argue with Deadbeat, there are no mistakes there, its not the Scottish Sun. Oops that issue 14 and 18.....

15 is a well kept secret but you'll find it if you have a look in 2012, as for issue 31

Issue 30 is available but its 31 that covers June/July, must get some of that calomine lotion that slaughterhouse 5 sang about, these midges are jumpin this year.

See you during August, Spiegel tent is good, or at the Cherry Orchard, there aint much Checkov on this year but you know you gotta check out Checkov...issue 16 had a review of some budding actress back in the day, now we didnt tip her for an Oscar, but we did like her...

Aye it's June

Just like June the curtains are closed

So sang I - as roddy frame sang the same into a microphone

It's never left me in all these years that a wee line like that reminds us all that we choose what to listen to - what to develop as a thought, what to ponder and what to ignore and get on with the real moment of our life!

Clearly I had a moment - in June - but the curtains were closed!

I opened my eyes in July but all that existentialist stuff had receded into another era

Cheers

Al

Alan McEwan

May'dness - issues12,13,25&30

Everyone looks younger in 1983 as the pix below suggest

Happy 50th Keith !!

This is why I will walk again in September 2013

Are these acorns still on the camino 86 km from Santiago ? For this And many other mysteries I will walk again

C

Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government (by emigrating)

As the seeds were being sown so avidly in the testing ground, Margaret prayed for Scottish Independence. Thatcher was sitting round the cabinet table and announced, go back to your constituencies and prepare for government, oh sorry could the Michaels please stay back, we know your constiuents wont vote for you so we have a new plan, you're emigrating. They dont know you down here so we've told everyone you're really good, and they're all members of the club so you'll have a 5 minute interview and that's that. It was April 1983.

We have never had to face a choice like it, and we never would again. The choice was simple, she was a psycho and had to be opposed. Her policies seemed to involved deregulation, selling the family silver and all the council house stock. I could agree with the latter if it was to then build new homes, but 30 years down the line as kids struggle to get on the housing ladder, its clear that wasnt the plan, sell sell sell, dont build build build. As to the former, deregulation clearly left us a legacy Harry Enield's load'sa'money predicted as he waved his wad. The birth of the bankrupt banks and what a 21st birthday they'd have. I wont try and talk about what happens when you push one half of society out, Les Miserables has just won the odd oscar, so its a well trodden path, but let me bring discord...where there is....and may my legacy be the next generation of politicians, moulded in my likeness.

The legacy is clear for me, but I can cast my mind back to the Deadbeats of April....in fact I did, in April last year, its a belting month..................

As the daffodils fade, the sweet scent of the April Deadbeats were upon us. Easter holidays meant working and earning some dosh to go back to St Andrews with, well it did in 1983 for issue 12, I earnt enough to take Deadbeat to London and put it in Virgin in Oxford Street and Rough Trade. In these days of surfing for downloads its hard to comprehend what a massive step forward the Virgin megastore was. You could trawl through the racks for hours, flicking your fingers, much the same as we glide through the touch sensitive screens of 2012. I'm chuckling as I remind myself that A Flock of Seagulls were releasing 'nightmares' and I'm reliving some as I read the reviews, not least Life Support. Happily Peppermint Pig by Cocteau Twins and Alphaville by the Monochrome Set survive the patchy reviewer's ear, while The Marine Girls, LP "lazy ways" warms us up for the summer of 83. There's a review of U2's gig at Tiffany's in Glasgow and interviews with Friends Again, APB and Pop Wallpaper, other reviews include Club Feet in Dundee where I said it makes Edinburgh's Hoochie Coochie look like Wigan, obviously not everyone was drinking the same stuff as me, but I did like the way the DJ followed "Rip it Up", with "Boredom". 22 Beaches, Wild Indians, Sleep Detectives, Tears for Fears and Fun Boy Three complete the issue.

Issue 24 in April 1984 was another of the great additions to the racks of Ripping Records, Record Shak, Tayside Bar, Groucho, Virgin and the other fine stockists of Deadbeat. Interviews with Dancing Bears, Morrissey, Kirk Brandon Del Amitri, Danse Society, there were loads.

Have I got Scottish music 2, aka Deadbeat's second tape was finally released. The incomparable Dancing Bears with Ritchie Lambert's superb dancing songs a lasting memory for me. He's still gigging down south and last summer somebody sent me a youtube link for a video of a gig at Roslin. If I ever get a Deadbeat reunion organised the Dancing Bears would have to be there. I'm 50 in December, seems like an idea.....if not we could have a Deadbeat Tapes Karaoke.....Jo Doll must be well up for reliving some Circus of Hell, Jeremy Thoms doing some Strawberry Tarts....Martin Stephenson and the Daintees....Hey! Elastica, Josef K, the Cubs,..

Back to April 1984, Morrissey was indeed a charming man. After their gig at Clouds in Edinburgh he gave us a quick brush off but asked us to send some questions through to him. As sceptical as we were, a week later they all returned with answers. Popstars back in the day were so much more friendly. Like Gillian Gilbert in April 1985 after the New Order gig at the Barrowlands. She was absolutely superb and I discovered the tape of the interview in the garage last month. The chuckle factor is huge as I asked one stupid question after another. Thankfully Gillian interpreted them successfully so the answers negated the need for me to print some of the questions, phew!

Paul King adorns the cover of Deadbeat with our new letraset, Deadbeat's experiment was close to the deathknell as we seemed to spend more time printing than publishing. It was an experiment, a bit like the rolls I was making at my mum's roll shop, the picnic basket, opposite the pear tree pub in Edinburgh. As well as selling Deadbeat's I was selling Chicken and Avocado rolls, Brie and Apple, and this experiment was far more successful in 1985 than changing the letraset. The problem with working though, was taking its toll on the interviews and the energy to put another issue out. There is however some gems and the Paul King and Gillian Gilbert interviews ensured that an issue needed to be produced. The review of the Crucial Xylophones was also another driving force in getting the issue published. We had also finally completed Deadbeat Tape 3 and The Government, Men Men, Rhythm System, Relations, Pulsebeat Plus, Swirle, Crossfire & Splash me I'm Drowning deserved to get their music out.

Oh and of course, the reviews of the Immaculate Fools at the Dance Factory in Dundee were superb. So good I have to remind you all especially the DJ!!

What a bunch of Deadbeats

I read in happy hints to keep warm in winter put all your tapes old copies and singles on the wall as the Eco way to look after your prized 80's artefacts, watch for your band going up soon ...

Mad March

It was my Mum's 80th on March 3rd, 3/3/33, an easy birthday to remember when you were growing up and I remember her 50th really well as we were interviewing Annie Lennox in Dundee!

The best interview I took no part in. I just stared while Hilary asked all the questions. Annie was superb, warm, friendly and an excellent host as the tequila threatened to get shared out, but more of that later.

My Mum doesnt remember yesterday, but funnily enough she's ok on 30 years ago, I think she'd thrown me out the house. She had tired of the rats tail that was growing down my face and the inverted skunk look, fair enough I thought, Dundee and St Andrews were certainly more fun for me than Edinburgh at that time. Edinburgh was still very partisan, punk or mod, student or hippy, hibby or hearty! Unless you were on the broo and shootin' up you werent cool, and if you were, it didnt matter. You were always having to choose sides, although when it came to politics there were no sides to choose, you were either for the testing ground or you were'nae in the country, and finally of course you could watch the Young Ones while they tried to parody all of this psuedo anarchy and get yourself completely straightened out, but that was never going to 'heppen', not when there was a gig at the Baracuda and a really bad sound system for poor Annie and Dave.

Issue 11 was a great issue, Keith loved Eurythmics and had given us these questions which meant I could just drool and stare at Annie while Hilary did the work of asking the questions and writing down the answers.  I'm sure I mentioned it a hundred times on the pages of Deadbeat through the years but Annie's smile was so infectious and later when she did "Sisters" with Aretha Franklin, I remember  thinking I heard her say,  it must've been the pinacle of her career (,,,well,,,after that interview with Deadbeat........not)


I remember signing off the Hiccups piage with 'Take Care', and in my head I'd always thought it was to do with AIDS but history suggest it would be 1986 before we were talking about it in Edinburgh so it must just have been a premonition of me straddling a table in the tayside bar while wearing the gold lammie and my chuckies dropped into an ashtray full of lit fags, or what the band were going to do to me later in the spring when I got so gassed that they tied me to a tree. It was the night of the election, and tied to a tree in 83 was no more than I deserved after....after, well, to be honest, the amnesia does have its benefits, but it was in May 83 and so its irrelevant....







You can always re-invent history so when you see Deadbeat promoting Gary Glitter's rescheduled dates you can tell that what it now says is him and jimmy so vile were disliked by all at Deadbeat and should've been strung up by the short and curlies until one by one the curly ones gave way and......well at least that's what it said in the cartoon in issue 11.......but enough of that revisionist nonsense the review of his Dundee gig says he was 'strutting and posing like a cock in heat', aye you heard it here first.

There were many bands interviewed in issue 11 and where are the Swing Club now, Purveyors of the "Sloane Square malady" and many others that worked well for me. It really is 30 years ago and some since they supported Aztec Camera, and a bit like my mum, I seem to remember that gig better than the last time I went to a gig.

Its of the moment though, music, it has its moment, its vibe lives for ever, but it is a moment in time, and me singing Sloane Square melody, malady etc, will always have me strolling happy through the streets of Dundee.

Dundee looked a lot better then by the way, Jam jute and the Junkies, or was it Jam, jute and Jo Doll!

Also passing through the Dance Factory doors that month were the Bluebells and Roy Terre confidently predicted that Ken would adorn the front cover of smash hits, although it was hardly much more of a prediction than backing Desert Orchid to win the King George or Gold Cup, Red Rum to win the national would've seemed an outside chance and Shergar to be in a Tesco near you 100/1.

We were really pissed about the Cruise and Pershings missiles, and in our own little Cuban Crisis decided to print a page of enlightening talk about just what dual control meant when it came to launching these things, before getting back to the serious matter of comparing Altered images Clare Grogan with Bonnie Tyler, now there is a comparison to make you shudder. I know which one I'd want singing the eurovision song....

By issue 23, 1984 had arrived Hibs had still not won the cup, JFK's nephew pled guilty to possession of H and we remarked that at 30 he should really be a bit wiser. That enabled a seamless link to a Mr President review before my traditional moan, this time about someone stealing my ghetto blaster from the motor while I jumped out to buy some fags. Having given out the time and location, make and model, you'd have thought I knew a Deadbeat reader had it.....but alas, no, and I had to carry on without it and do my interview with Malcolm Ross with paper. A Ghetto blaster for those under the age of 50 is the things they carry on their shoulders in films from the 70's, it never looked good when you turned up at someone's flat with a ghetto gblaster to do an interview.

Picture the scene, as the interviewee looks over your shoulder to see if there's an entourage and their flat is about to be wrekced by some freak with a ghetto blaster and his 50 mates. It was quite a light ghetto blaster and as such would've been easily lifted out of my motor, by someone as young as 3.......but I digress. The interview with Malcolm proved that March was the month for good interviews. He was just trying to get 'Ape the Scientific' off the ground, and admitted to enjoying the Farmers Boys despite himself! A far cry from the days of watching the Fire Engines, Thursdays and Scars.

It was a good month for Albums as well was March, and Keith got the Smiths first offering through the post (and kept it). It was the greatest thrill getting an album like the Smiths for nothing, I got Sparkle in the Rain. Simple minds are a good band, but there was no comparison, THE SMITHS, were a great band, and at that moment, in 1984, I knew I was getting first dabs on the next postbag

The beautiful voices of Sunset Gun were reviewed and we expected "Stay with me" to be hugely successful but somehow it wasn't. We reveiwed Autumn 1904, and despite being out of season we predicted great things, hmmn, a theme is developing, oh well, we were wrong there too. I still stand by how good everyone was.

Take Care

Vinny

PS - 1985 - would've been issue 29, which I mentioned last month, we were too busy hawking the Deadbeat tapes around A & R guys in London. They rarely got signed, but we did get them some publicity and, we got our free LPs!

Email Hacking - why do we get persecuted?

Well, its not like the old days when we used to carry our Deadbeats around on a bus - my apologies if any of you got a junk mail from my email address - it seems the hackers are very resourceful - I even found one posted to this website this morning.....Take care, Vinny

Rhythm System issue 30

The rest of the interview is found if you follow the tab for issues 27-33

February Fun eh.. How good is Rattlesnakes?

I think its time I paid attention to the nosense that masqueraded as nonsense back then when I was wearing my Articulated Van hat. Self praise is no praise indeed, but do I care? I do like the review I gave and I got onto you tube and found a German gig which was loaded on by someone called mgvintage, I think, and I played the whole gig twice. Its now that I cast my mind back to the nosense that I wrote. The last paragraph in particular where I gush about how well they use silence. Many try but few have succeeded the way Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, Echo & the Bunnymen, and a few others have, they just knew how to ride that emotional wave without surfing into sleep, superb.

As LPs go Rattlesnakes and Ocean Rain were released 30 years ago and they are complete albums. I love songs on Highland Hard Rain on many different albums from the era, but rarely do I get out of my seat (every 40 minutes you'll find) to click an album on from the start again, ahh, the benefits of Alztheimers, every time is like the first.

the funniest thing when you read a review like that you wonder what was going on in your life, another good day, another bad day, well you'd think I'd lost my virginity the day I heard Rattlesnakes!

I cant wait for the mad March hare now, to remind what was going down in March 83, 84,85 & 86. This therapy is superb. I cant tell you what I was doing last week but I've got hard evidence for what I was doing in the early 80's.

Well, actually that's a lie. I once reviewed Tony Benn at the Caird Hall in Dundee and I put the review in a week before his 'gig'. I called it a 'Song for Europe' which was loosely based on one of my favourite tracks by Roxy Music at the time, the other being 'Chance Meeting' which shouldn't be confused with Josef  K's 'Chance Meeting' which is the same name, but a different song, although when we covered one of them I'm sure most of the adoring public weren't sure which song we were covering, (but Mark was a shit guitarist, he was certainly no Malcolm Ross, who funnily enough was interviewed in March1984, his issue sold out and is still considered the must have by the collectors, oops, typo, collector!)

I digress, so back to the Song for Europe. I wrote the review because I was taking my half of Deadbeat down to Edinburgh and in the Dundee half was this and that but we were wan page short of a picnic. From memory - I draw a blank - but that doesnt stop me making something up, which is exactly what I did on the bus to Edinburgh that famous February night. I thought it would be quite cool to have the new issue of Deadbeat out with a review of our Anthony Wedgie Benn, so I wrote it on the bus, got a kerry oot, typed it at the folks and gave the copies over to Keith watched his masterly use of the glue pen and we wandered down to the printers.

I dont know if it did bear any resemblance to the events of that night and I must get someone from Dundee, ooops, fi Dundee, to have a quick look and correct me. Either way it was a great wheeze as we had Deadbeat in Groucho's and the Tayside Bar the day after the 'gig' and we thought we were Lou Grant, I'm certainly as fat as Lou Grant, but that's enough of 80's American tv, I'm also as fat as Danny Devito but I carry it better than he did in Taxi, another reason Deadbeat rarely hit the shelves on the days it meant.

It was when the Tube hit the screens and suddenly our world was changed. The pop videos grew during the early 80's into mini movies and everyone had a part to play. I remember when the Scars were doing a video for "All about you" which involved Rab Scar singing, 'It was a cold day, outside today....' so of course, the video was shot, yes you've guessed it, in Freezing February up the top of Arthurs Seat, in Auld reekie where the wind blows and even the women wear pants under thier kilts. But from one big budget blockbuster to the  You Tube and other mediums of today, is quite frankly mesmirising. I mean, when I was only 5 there was all this stuff about Walking on the  Moon, and then 15 years later, The Police have got a song and a video, and then another 30 years later, still we wait. Its all a myth. Nobody, is Walking on the Moon.

"I hope my legs dont break, Walking on the Moon..." HELLO HELLO is there anyone out there, nobody is Walking on the Moon. I've walked to Spain, albeit, I started in France, it was certainly a lot quicker, but nobody is Walking on the Moon. Walking to Spain is great. I remember that too as I did a blog. When I walked it in 2007, me and Si the bassist, walked the 500 miles to Sanitago de Compostela, and can I tell you , right here, right now, its a lot better than Walking on the Moon. 'I hope my legs dont hurt, Walking on the Moon' HELLO HELLO, it all depends how  far you walk. If you play golf you'll walk a long long way as the golf ball once hit will travel miles, or if you are walking to the pub and haven't been informed that the Moon doesnt have one yet, you'll walk a long long way, so yes your legs may hurt, but not as much as walknig the Camino to Santiago nd I'll tell you why. Its because you have a pack on your back that weighs something. When you are walking on the moon, even fat boys like me will feel like they are walking on air, I could run faster than Bolt, well that's not true, as we would probably not be able to fit in the same space craft, him needing the height and me needing the width, I suspect I'd need to book two seats, but I off on one again. The second time I did the work across Spain, Europe's premiere pub crawl as I sold it to my mate Harry, I was fit enough to be able to eat and drink even more at the end of each day, so the 500 mile walk took us a few days more in 2011, but all that nonsense is on the other blogs www.500m.wordpress.com and www.fatal-bananas.blogspot.com - that's Fat Al and Bananas for those who havent gathered that Vinny is now so Fat he's using his old name again, it also looks good on golf balls when you mark them fatal.

So you wont hear me digging out the Police album then, but you will be delighted to know that I'm getting the band back together for a 2020 gig. Not sure how many of us will still be breathing by then, but it was never about the music was it?

February Fun - Lloyd Cole 1985 - Bluebells 1983

What a big jump from issue 9, as someone once wrote "....an enigma on my files, nascent and naive, ignominous fate awaits, innocent faith in these...", and with this foreboding do we migrate to the dark ramblings of issue 29, as the youthful bambi of deadbeat's desire, bludgeons itself on the print machine which outweighs it....oh, and for the health and safety community out there, dont lift heavier objects than you are able, they will probably hurt you and judging by the print quality, its probably pointless.

Yes,

So that was 1985, but I'm more fond of  the Bambi days, yes issue 10, the one with Switch on the cover, aka Charlie Higson if I'm not mistaken. They were called the Higsons, the had a single called 'Run me Down' and along with the Farmers Boys and Serious Drinking they were putting Norwich on the map, its a town in  East Anglian, well, ok a city, as that's what their football team is called, and at the time they were my favourite team, I liked the strip.  So good an area was it, that John Peel moved there, and more important than that they had a record shop called BACKS, and it sold Deadbeat. Not many in 1983, but we could proclaim ourselves as a nationwide rag. February 1983 also saw the demise of one of the great Deadbeat outposts, The Tav in Dundee aka the Olde Tavern was to be making way for a road. now on so many levels that is so stupid. If Dundee was to keep people from bypassing it a road is the last thing it needs. more traffic lights and pubs like the Tav could only encourage people to stop for a pint, a fag and a chat, its well said the seeds of despair for the Dandy were planted in 983, although it was another scoop the far thinking  people at Deadbeat, failed to spot, lets face it. February was also the month we were getting ready to interview Annie Lennox, but more of that in March.

Yes February 1983 was braw. It was Bambi braw.The Tayside Bar, Bruces, Groucho, Rockpile and the Watergate studios were selling Deadbeats and we were having to print the next issues early to keep up with demand in the city of Discovery. Meanwhile across the silvery Tay and the frothy Forth the Record Exchange, Ripping Records, Virgin, Scales, the other record shop and Ezy Ryder were all phoning up demanding more copies of issue 9, when they weren't selling out of Aztec Camera's 'Oblivious' as it headed into the top 40. I'm sure I've heard 'Oblivious' more on the radio this year than any other, clearly the pop pickers just look back 30 years, oh no, that means we could be getting............................................

As predicted in issue 9, issue 10 proudly confirmed, the Undertones did indeed book a gig at the Playhouse March 31, Glasgow Tiffany's April 1st and Aberdeen's Fusion on the 3rd April, fingers on the pulse or what....we even mentioned "Hippies please note that Eric Clapton plays Edinburgh Playhouse on April 8 & 9" and followed that up with and for those who really want to see some music "Pop Wallpaper are at the Edinburgh College of Art on Feb 25th. A review of Pop Wallpaper's demo is sandwiched between "Fields of Fire" and "Rip it Up". It was a tough ask, and I wasnt impressed, but I hasten to add, I'm not a good judge. Just because I really enjoyed Rip it Up, everything else was given lip service. Having rubbished the demo, I then published Evan Henderson's Dalkeith Road address and phone number, although after the review the only kind of calls he'd be getting he'd probably not want. Happily Pop Wallpaper ignored me and produced some fine music as well as the flexi disc in issue 17.

Happy Hints had a campaign to "Adopta Bee in 1983", such wisdom in such young minds.

Cleaner than dogs and cheaper to feed......you can take it for a fly and it will ward off intruders, Each will come complete with a dinky black and yellow jumper......

The Bluebells review from their gig in Dundee is another highlight of issue 10 in February 1983. I remember it well, do you remember where you were in February 1983, well I remember where I was the day I first heard "Cath, Woaah Woahh...you led me up the garden path", yes the Dance Factory in Dundee.

Mark had written Life Support's classic 'On Your Own' a few years earlier using the same riff in the chorus, it used in a lot of songs, eg the Velvets 'Waiting for the Man', and I really liked our line, "your old man, when he sees me splits his sides in laughter, he used to think that you were 'stupit', now he thinks ah'm even dafter", but when you heard the way the Bluebells put it together it was perfect pop. It took until the Frattelli came out with some of their stuff for me to hear a song so instantaneously brilliant. I remember that day at T-in-the-park when me and my 13 year old daughter Caitlin, divided up, she for the Editors and me to see the Fratellis. It captured the mood, in 2006, just as the Bluebells had in 1983, although I did wonder where the years had gone as my daughter carried me back to the bus!

Pure Energy and undiluted fun. Aye, Bambi was Braw.

Hello Peeps - another throwback to the 80's and January

Yes, its another year, so its like Groundhog day for me as I trawl the archives looking for some nonsense to write nonsensically about, and yes I found it. Issue 9, 1983, it was all urban angst, no money and unemployement, mine closures, marches, or, or, or, megabucks, big brick like mobile phones with battery pack attachements that looked more at home on a world war II battle field, oh and big hair with a bucketload of kajagoogoo. Kajagoogoo was a name that Chris Tarrant had introduced during a game he had on Tiswas.

Tiswas, the saturday morning show when most of us were heading to bed, had its riotous moments, some say the dark anarchistic undertones when buckets loaded with goo, aka, sticky yellow shit, were poured onto someone's head, and the bairns would shout "Da Da loooook, he kajagoogoo on his head...or maybe not... I need to get out more.....or maybe not as the pictures suggest, I used to go out too much some say. I used to call it my humanitarian work.

I do remember by 1986 finding myself nearly run over by a guy from a band called Bros, well i say band, more a couple of erses who the record company decided to advance too fast a car to. I was drinking in one of my London dives and they clearly came to join us. Within 5 minutes we were going outside for a pagger, nothing to do with trying to run me down, that's excusable, as an 80's drunk i was frequently an obstacle for car drivers, so fair play, I never minded them hitting me, even the Higsons managed a hit out of it, but when someone steals your drink and he has a stupid name like Matt Gloss, clearly the son of a painter who never used oils, anyway, he steals my pint and I lose it, he argues over his pronunciation of his name, and I argue its not my fault he cant pronounce his own name, he raises his hand to push me and I completely lose it, he buys me a fresh pint and all is well, but he was warned not to come back.... and we never saw him in the pub again, or the charts for that matter......  Take Care, Vinny

Our best cover was Issue 9, the drawing was superb and the lumberjack shirt that Ian McCulloch was wearing set off the whole ensemble. We were running out of the white letraset letters but had enough to complete the bottom section highlighting interviews with the Farmers Boys, David Weddell from the Happy Family, Ralph Smith from Europeans in Tropic and Brian Sinclair of the Tayside Bar.The Farmers Boys seemed to pick up where Orange Juice left off, leaving the crowds very happy and finding that good songs and good vocals are all you ever need. In the interview Roy Terre got the low down on moving from the Higsons label to EMI, the usual comparisons with other bands but finding common delight in the Monochrome Set. Finally Baz gave us his address so you could all write to him in Halesworth. To put it in context they were signed at the same time as Kajagoogoo a band that rarely got a mention in Deadbeat. The interview with Davie Weddell confirmed it was the end of the Happy Family as sadly a lot of broken promises and a general apathy had left the band with no gigs and no appetite. This issue also had a review of the Plastic Flies a poor punk band who were encouraged to split up, quick as well as confirming that Edinburgh was duller than Glasgow, or as Ian McCulloch put it during the gig at the Playhouse, "Glasgow was much more fun". The Happy Hints page had the legendary Cocktail Cat sketch, which I'm sure Auntie Lynne and Auntie Kath wrote long before its subsequent use. They had fine inventive minds and produced three ways to make trousers longer which proved very useful when drainpipes and white socks drifted out. Sew on extensions included Arabian curtain fringes, Russian mink fur fabric and technicolour ethnic beads. There was a lot of news for February not least in Dundee where the Dance Factory had 3 gigs including Eurythmics at the mighty price of £2.50. Some unknown singer called Madonna had her debut single released by Sire, a self penned song called "Everybody" as we wrote back then, oh and Keith also said "Madonna is an accomplished ballet dancer and actress who turned to music in the late 70's learning to play drums and keyboards." Next thing you'll be telling me she can sing too and she was only 3 in the 70's, and she looks ok getting her kit off at 60,....ooops 50,,,,.

There's a review of the St Andrews Festival '83 - Bayneys quasi nightclub - well - for 4 days the local community centre was turned into a venue - it seems they had a Dundee night on Wed 9th feb with Swing Club, AAGA and Scott Gowans, followed by Saturday 12th with So you think you're a cowboy and The Frontiers, Wed 16th it was St Andrews finest with Kix and the Rhyme Tray (Paul Milner & Derek Anderson) and finally Saturday 19th saw APB with Stereo Exit supporting. At £1.50 a ticket you had be wealthy in this part of the country, it was 50p a pint in the bars remember!

China Crisis get a page dedicated to their 12" EP with most emphasis on Greenacre Bay, which I can still sing to myself as I type. "Greenacre Bay,...repeat ad nauseum..." superb...