October didn't last as long as it usually does

But then again its not over yet, so its probably doing as well as always. Giving it 31 days however was always a bit of a silly one.

Let's face it, the guys and ah'm sure ah ken, they were all men back then, just sat down and slam dunked a 31,30 & 31 day month to end the year. What were they thinking? Ah sorry, we ran out of months?

You cant run out of months, its your own idea to put days into months so you cant run out. What the fuck were you doing putting 28 days into February, even every 4 years it only goes up to 29. C'mon, we had an abacus, work it out. Start with 30's and 31's and if its a leap year, give us an extra day in July!

I sat down and worked out what it should be and here it is. January 30, February 31, March 30, April 31, May 30, June 31, July 30 (except in a leap year), August 31, September 30, October 31, November 30, December 31.

As I typed them, I couldn't help thinking by July they'd got one right and that was only once every four years.

To be fair the last 5 months are spot on, so clearly they were learning and if given another bite at the calendar cherry would've cleaned up.

I figure its a bit late to change now as that means many birthdays would move, but I'm ok and anyone born after August will be fine, but its gonna be carnage for my Mum. She was born 3/3/33 and its just not going to work for her. 1/3/33 just doesn't have the same ring.

There's also a campaign starting around February 31st. Apparently its just not got the same feng shui as March 2nd. 31/2 v 2/3. From an arithmetical point of view I do get it. The '2' & the '3' are still  used but its the new 1 to make the February date that just seems to spoil everything.

I get it if people are a bit confused and are worried they have to get a new passport and birth certifcate but apparently all death certificates will stand and we dont need to upgrade them. It must've been murder when we shifted from imperial to the metric system, although a bit like the way we use the metric system, its envisaged that the new system will have a colloquial balance. Just as we say half a pound, 30mph or 100 yards, schools are teaching the conversion tables so old people wont be left behind.

Luckily for me I've an inbuilt adjuster, a wee shock absorber in my head. When things jar, like being asked in Gaelic for 8 kilos of cheese, I know they mean 8oz. Its a great way to age people and now with this new calendar we'll have another way to work out if you are a 21st century girl or boy, or part of the new dark ages.

I love the way we've now changed April fools day to March. Its time for the Mad March hare to make a comeback!

Having said that its not going global. The Olympics might be 100m but that's was not going to be enough for certain countries and the new date system is already being greeted as an interim solution. Daylight days are being investigated and there is talk of a longer summer and hibernation being encouraged in winter. Summer time and winter time will involve the whole of society as working hours in summer are being reduced to 4 hours a day and winter hours being increased to 10. University graduates and School leavers have been delighted to hear the news as they embark on their first jobs, they know its only 4 hours a day for the first few months.

All from one dreary day in October!