Somehow week 23 of 29 seems like I have covered more miles. I haven't, in fact, unlike Scottie I haven't even run one mile for at least 20 years. Most people who remember me from footballing days will add they never saw it then either.
In my latter years as the fat sweeper I would walk through the game. Tell the 5-a-side kids to stay in the attacking half while we played the coat hanger system of 1-1-3. A lack of fitness improved my vision. To this day I wish I'd learned everything from age 36-46 when I was 6. At that age you think it's about running around whereas at 46 it's about pass and roll, read and stroll. When I put it into a song I knew it was time to retire.
There are so many of those phrases that wee dafties never hear. They are running around smashing into things and it's hard to slow down. There's only one gear and it's AFA, as fast as. In the case of our pal Graham growing up, AFAF, nobody could catch Graham. Over 2 yards, 20 or 200, he was electric, when electric meant fast.
Electric since got rebranded as being slow but is now on a rebrand mission with the advertising gods as being fast again. Anyone who, like my pal Simon, has ever been plugged in to the floodlights at the school playing fields knows how fast electricity is. Ask Simon or look at the skin grafts on his arms. It was pretty quick on lighting him up.
He's pretty quick again at lighting up when on the Camino, usually when he draws breath at the top of the hill waiting for the chasing pack, or at the start of a long downhill section where he knows his lungs can have a rest. I feel no blog about the Cancer Camino should skip the fag breaks. No longer advertising their products on the TV, or able to sponsor the Embassy world snooker championship these companies continue to peddle their wares worldwide and if you came here looking for investment advice look no further than the tobacco stocks. Their job is to get rich and they clearly don't have any morals. I remember applying the same technique to Caitlin paying through the nose to Unite for student accommodation. I bought their shares at £2 and sold them when she graduated.
They had charged her about £30,000 and the share price had risen to £8. Job done, I sold my 5000 shares. While it clearly might be confusing ethically I prefer to think of it as counter balance karma. I can't beat them so I'll temporarily join them. It didn't even stick in the craw. It's the corruption in capitalism that makes it so flawed and like most of the political systems it's the people who ultimately make or break them. Tobacco companies don't care about cancer, like most multinationals they just want to count cash. "The bigger the pile the broader the smile", that should be my headline, I like that. Greedy bastards. If I could do one thing it would be to say to the UN it would be, "we don't think think the cancer companies care about cancer as much as the oil companies care about the planet, discuss".
Obviously it's a bit loaded as both only care about the pile of cash. As the new song in my head goes....
"The bigger the pile
The broader......
The smile"
I'm lying on the table
Radiotherapy in my head
There's the smell of burning skin
Another cancer cell is dead
The bigger the pile
The broader.....
....The smile
How can you let claustrophobia into your head when this is going on. Let's hear it for the radiotherapy team today.
On drums tapping the tabs we have.....
On Lead with the light show
Look at the cancer care. The people are phenomenal and everywhere you go there's a lovely smile because everyone believes in doing good shit, it's positive, it makes your day go better and a bucketful of humour is so much better than a bucket of shite.
A woman walks into a bar with a bucket full of humour, "stage is over there" says the owner.... no that's not good enough, I need a better line, "thanks" she says as she reaches into her bucket, "I see your last act died on stage, do you want to clean him up before I start"..... well it's improving.....but I've never written a good joke and I've also never heard the punchline to a woman walks into a bar with a bucket of shite but I guess it would be a shite joke if I told it.
We need to remind ourselves of our binary choice to seek humour or not and this is why I am so excited by my daily visits to the Western. There's such an energy and vibrancy among everyone that seems heightened by their circumstances and I'm happy to join the club. I'd be happier to lose the ulcers but it's part of the journey.
I never thought I'd take to a feeding tube but I lovingly give it the daily clean, turn and flush. Today I even tried to use it as a feed. All good 20 mins saw 50ml move through. I drank the other 150 and I'm 2k closer my 8000 calories a day.
I feel like Caitlin when she got her yamagotchi or whatever that thing that needed shaking etc was, every moment I have together with my tube. It's like having a dog that doesn't smell, yap or shed hair. It's my little hamster that gets one minute of affection daily. It the tortoise that I kept in the shed at the side of the house in America. Oh, actually it's not. I found a tortoise once and his it there and gave it lettuce. The next day I forgot about it and two weeks later I went to see how my new pet was. It was stationary and I don't mean pens or paper. It was the dead parrot sketch before the dead parrot sketch had been on TV. It was, however, not moving fast or slow, it was dead. I have scoured my diary from the our time outside Washington DC and no mention of the tortoise. I think like any self respecting 10 year old, I ran away, pointing probably at Gordon for such a cruel act. Later in an act designed to create the shed and said tortoise, he would be seen burning spiders in a tree with the aerosol flame thrower trick. I felt pretty good when the tree went on fire and the evidence of my tortoise torture was burnt along with the side of the house. I beat the fire brigade at putting out the fire.
Being a child in the 70's you learnt loads about stuff like that as we still had more children than adults. Whilst adults made the rules there weren't enough of them to police them. In some ways I learnt more about fire from watching the flames above where the spiders were being burned and when I saw the tree was on fire went for the big hose we had in our huge four acres country house back garden. Putting it out made me want to be a fireman for another 8 or 9 seconds but it did teach me how quick it went up in mid August Maryland. 20 years later plumber Gillie, was having a diabetic hypo in my living room while trying to fix a problem with our radiator. Using a welding blow torch he was hoping the over sized nut would save him going to the van. It did but I had to ask are you meaning to set the wallpaper alight as the flames locked the ceiling. "Oh Shit! Have you got any chocolate" he shouted as he padded the flames out. A couple of fun size sadly was all I had as he ran to his van for emergency tin of coke. Note to all, a full fat tin of coke is a welcome gift to many a diabetic about to pass out. Always keep one in your cupboard.
I digress, where was I, before I became an expert on starting forest fires, oh yes, tubes and body piercings.
I've never had a piercing, not even an earring. I think it was cost rather than fashion. If I'd been given one I'm sure I would've pierced an ear or a nose or whatever.
The tube was my first piercing and I guess it's like your first tattoo. It's such a novelty that it deserves a bit more consideration. It like my first football strip or first pair of boots, not that I mention them much these days, handmedoons are like that.
So my first piercing and also my first scar as I'll have a wonderful wound that looks like a bullet hole in January when they finally collect their gear. I took the tube out on HP over 6 monthly installments, knowing full well they'd reclaim it if I stopped the payments early.
My quiet plan is to head of to Almenucar for 6 weeks. It's just along from Málaga towards Almeria and will be a beautiful place to stroll the beachfront. Jackie will enjoy the heat as well. There are so many places in the town that have wonderful tapas and fabulous food. The town is clearly jumping in summer but in winter it's quiet and perfect for us, while I recover from the single assassins bullet to my belly.
With any luck we'll sneak friends and family out for a bit and use it as a base for the odd day out into the mountains.
Until then, it's back to business and the bloods today.
I forgot it's balloon change Monday as well so I had my first changing of the water in my feeding rig. It's a clever thing as I've mentioned before how they hold it in place in your stomach with a balloon full of 5ml of water. Nature's Rawl plugs are water balloons. It was as easy as described. Twist the empty tube to your right to lock it then hold it while gravity or the vacuum gently sucks the water up the empty syringe. Once it stops you can then draw a little more and stop. Twist left to release and then take new syringe that you filled earlier and keeping your finger over the end, twist into position. Slowly fill balloon, or empty the syringe then twist off before releasing end. Job done and relax, yes Al, you can stop holding it in place with your other hand now, the balloon is full.
We had a great blether, well I did. Camino Norte Nurse and I went off piste to describe blisters on the feet as I compared them to ulcers in the mouth. Both important to avoid but then once you have them, recognise and manage them. Like being daft with dehydration last week. I think being so well today shocked me, albeit I can't open wide no more, but Wednesday with nutrition will help me there.
I've a few other daft questions like why is my whole head so hot and yet my nose is cold and drips occasionally. Also my nose has never been so clear. My nostrils used to be constantly busy and now they're empty, ironically only now I can't smell. I told them the story about me cremating some bacon and then trying to eat the crackling I'd created. Wow, that set my mouth alight, all the salt I guess. Like last night when forgetting I have lost my salt receptors I added salt to the Dauphinoisse. Not as stinging as the kiwi fruit but still a good loud greeting by the zing zing receptors. Tonight I'll eat them as is. As life support sang on the single bland food is just a "state of mind".
Bloods done, water changed and other questions done I went back around to a new room for the radiotherapy. The room was colder which was great and a little darker which made me feel the radiation light show was somewhat more entertaining through my closed eyes. I had a long discussion with myself and concluded it doesn't fall under my claustrophobia because all the people are so good and the purpose is perfectly normal. Strange but I'm used to it. I was quite hyper, I forgot to take my top off before lying down. Unbelievable, I'm just rarely in the room.
I'm back on the park by 4pm and wondering what to do next. It just feels so good to be started now on week 3.
The song, while I lay and then as I matched against the school traffic became quite an anthemic ear worm.
There's a drum solo between
The bigger the pile
Drum solo
The broader the smile
It went on more than 5 minutes as I walked to the park. It's official, my head is mince.
Time to leave the park and wander home.
More food pills football and sleep. What a good game the local derby was with Morecambe and near neighbours Fleetwood managed by Scot, Charlie Adams, who were 0-2 up before being pegged back to 2-2. Derek Adams the many times Ross County manager is playing his trade at Morecambe this month and has a 3-3 and a 2-2 in his last two games. I'd put more money on them again if losing at halftime. He clearly changed it up with 4 subs for the start of the second half.
Last slug of the 2k shot and a brush of the teeth and mouth guards in. My new technique to hopefully help preserve my teeth or at least get flourine into the bones as instructed by the Western dentists.
I slept until about 1am then took the mouth guards out had a rinse, another pint of water and back to sleep.
I'm hyper this morning. It's Tuesday I've got reflexology and reiki. I got to the bus stop early knowing rain is due so why I stood there nobody knows. There's a shelter at the next stop which any normal person would walk towards in case it did rain. I stood patiently until the bus passed me full of students heading to KB. How frustrating was that, until I looked at the weather and saw another great opportunity.
Was it not just last week Al, that you walked to reflexology and back on a day when you did 12000 steps. Yes I replied in a dozy dozy way. Yes, I replied as I marched marched marched away. I made it in 20 minutes and had a great session, woken every 20 minutes for a glug of water to stop me drying out.
I walked back and had a great wander to the Western. A fantastic chat with the radiotherapy professionals and what a lovely bunch. I say it every day to them, how grateful I am and everyone I know. We are so lucky to be the beneficiaries of their dedication and love of their work.
Back in the park and in cafe Gallo by 3pm. What a great day, ice cream and coffee. Perfect treats after a session of radiotherapy. Throat cooled down and then once the coffee cools to tepid, a delicious coffee. So good I bought a bag. Deli and Oscar are such good company for a miserable self obsessed wee boy like me. Oscar loves his combat sport but the judo really did for his knees. It's a wise young man who sees the old with their dodgy knees and has the wisdom to protect his. Not many people his age could've worked that one out when the thrill of competition can be so overwhelming. It's great to also hear Joe's travels and the obligatory insty pics of temples and £2 a night glamping gigs. Being in your 20's has so moved on from transalpine rail tickets across Europe and throwing fun sized mars bars to guys on the top of the tour D'effiel. When the turn out to be road managers of the Clash and you get back stage passes for the 1981 gig at the Morador theatre it all makes a bit more sense. I think pictures of Buddhist temples will live longer in the mind than listening to lost in the supermarket, Washington bullets and another 30 classics. The sounds from the temples and the jungle will be phenomenal, the smell, the feelings must just be so overwhelmingly good, look what happened when George Harrison went East. He was in his late gap year but still probably in his 20's. We have such a global generation now and the politicians haven't realised it's not just the multinationals that are moving around.
We the people of the planet are moving around. I caught the bus back and it's all I could think about. Sobriety has long been way too creative for my headspace. I became a drunk early in life to control my mania, self administering drugs was folly and when I tried to keep myself sedated with alcohol it was a tad more successful. However, when I'm sober I'm like a child, hyper as a hyper thing disappearing down rabbit holes and coming back up out of fat Al foxes holes.
What a mess I make of the countryside. If you've ever seen a fox with a 38" waist you'll know the kinds of hole they make. I'm sure the other passengers must think I'm on something as I can't stop myself laughing.
It's mental, I'm home again, Jackie has beaten her best yet again. It's mince and tatties, take some down to my dad and now all my chores done. Jackie made enough for cottage pie tomorrow so she's ahead of the game too.
All my weights are moving back towards 16 stone so it's all good as we move to Wednesday.
Time to calm down, take some pills, sleep, sleep, sleep.
Can you open your mouth for one last piece of cheesecake, oh yes you can.
Teeth, mouth guards sleep. C'mon son it's a school night, sleep.
Picture the canal at Fromista and water flowing gently through Spain.
Lights out.
Sleep!
Food daily diary note
15 pints water plus tea or coffee
2-4 Weetabix
1/3 tin of prunes and 3 tablespoons of yoghurt
Soup and a shot lunch with a sweet.
Main meal and two sweets, eg cheese and crackers, cheesecake creme caramel, ice cream etc.
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