Friday, 27 September 2024

Half way on the treatment timetable, 15/30 my bald patch gets bigger while the tumour gets smaller

15 of 30 today and something you feel requires a ceremony. Truth is halfway in my head has always been the end of treatment. I feel week 5 and the chemo double shift is what I'd call the real starting grid. Everything has just been prep until then. 

Judging by my blogging it's certainly been a good bit of preparation to get here and I've met so many fantastic people on the journey. They have been the difference between me being prepared or not for what comes next so a huge thanks to all the staff at all 4 locations in Edinburgh and Livingston, as well as the bus drivers, family and friends and the footpaths of Edinburgh.

Ask me at the end of the next 5 weeks is how I'd bill it.

Those two treatment weeks, 5 & 6 and the two weeks that follow are the most brutal stages that most people tell you about. Getting  my 61 year old self in the best shape possible for that week 5 is what this has always been about.
The amateur skelly-eyed sleuths, the patients who have done it and the professionals who watch on all say that's when the body needs to be at its best because that's when it's hammered the most. You'll be on your knees and struggling to get food into that ever shrinking gob of yours. I'm still doing my mouth Olympics and it's so tough. 
It's not just energy sapping it's trying to go through a wee bit of Orange Juice with Edwyn singing rip it up, ripping up your throat again, arghhh arghhh arghhh.

I've got to tip my hat to Reflexology and Reiki here as Ruth has undoubtedly relaxed the jaw enough to get me to still manage a wee bit of the Andy Murray. On Monday I was down to 2 fingers from 4 when I did the measurements. Yesterday however I was back up to three of my fat fingers and it might be sore but these people know their stuff and I remember Stuart with that chocolate biscuit at Arnaldo's. I've already hit my top lip last weekend with cheesecake as I tried to shovel it in. You have muscle memory in the spoon and your hand but you need a mirror to see how shut your mouth actually is. As people who have seen me eat know, it's not a spectator sport and a mirror would be too much of a horror story for me to realise I've put people through that for 60 years. No wonder my siblings never put me in the middle of the table at family gatherings.

Enough of the horror, let's get back to the party atmosphere. In my head I'm buzzing.

So sod it I'm off to Paris with my skelly eye, neck tan and shedding beard for the weekend.
I'll have a modest celebration, go to all the old haunts, dream a little longer, then get my head back down for week 4. 

Paris was my city break during the 80's. Compared to London it was paradise back then. I was there a couple of times every year and later on during the 90's I'd stop off on the way to Limoges on my own or if we had the car we'd take in Versailles, Euro Disney or wherever. Who can forget Caitlin's face when Jackie had her one trip on the BTM. 

Ah, Big Thunder Mountain, the most gentle of 🎢 roller coasters but enough to cause a young woman to shriek and a young girl and dad to fall to the ground laughing. I just realised I didn't have vertigo back then. I could do those things and think they were fun. 
Now I'm freaked out by the bridge at Ourense never mind the one at Porto. The above picture was supposed to be a bridge, but as I like a fat finger fudge it can stay. Ah, there's the bridge at Ourense taken of Simon by Stuart, I'm down below.
We liked the strolling around Versailles did Jackie, Caitlin and I. I think we had a hotel nearby so it was walking distance and we covered the steps before steps were invented, well, computer steps, I don't want to call them mobile steps or I'll be off again on another tangent.

I can't help wondering how AI will transform the world at this moment I often think about the field of education and the subsequent appliance of science. We have a lot of AI already at work and it can be ingenious, if that's not oxymoronic. Like most things people are distracted by driverless cars but the real impact is on our Society. We are a disparate bunch at the moment and it's really being exacerbated across generations. Wealth has found itself stuck, whether it be in the scarcity of property or just the continual desire by government to make the poor poorer.

Society has a tendency to fragment and the UK with it's departure from Europe will only exacerbate that generational disconnect. We see all the time on the Camino as you wander through towns and pueblos that there's a greater sense of inclusion of all ages. I appreciate the north of Spain has a completely different mindset and this is from Spanish people from the south saying we are much less friendly. I always reply I just like seeing four generations of families out in the plaza mayor looking like they want to be together. I remember thinking that those advocating an earlier voting age like 12 or even 10 were so on the money. Why would you let people over 70 vote if under 18's can't. You can choose any upper limit you like but if working age stopped 30 years ago for you and you're still drawing a pension, you hold the scarce property that's soared in value, then it's hardly rocket science to suggest what will influence your vote, in a statistically significant number of cases. You want more money spent on you and a party who promises that would naturally get your vote. More cynically, the party that plays to your perception of society 60 years ago will also get your vote. 10 year olds have the world ahead of them and they should be able to vote for the same self interest and say we would like to do this. They might even proffer reasons why.

This can only lead to a growing massive debacle. The housing crisis is particularly due to our requirement to have more square feet per person than the generation before us. This happened largely through the 80's until 2007, but it didn't stop at the banking crisis. All that stopped was affordability. With interest rates at 0% and wages frozen the only people on the housing ladder were already on it. New additions required a leg up if they were to achieve it and the rise of homes as investment properties did the rest. The rise in overseas owners and parents of students just continued the trend. We nearly did it for Caitlin when she went to university as the case was huge. It was a political stance rather than making free money that stopped us doing it, although as I said, I did alright out of the Unite shares. It was, from a financial point of view, nothing more than shooting fish in a barrel. Buying property for your children while at university gives them that perfect leg up and then they can rent to their friends and slowly take over the mortgage, but it's really bad for the domestic housing market as it completely distorts buying a home. House prices never got away with it while there was a significant stock of public housing but of course that went in the 80's and was never replaced with the windfall we, the UK, received from selling them all off.

So enough on the property market what about the.votes for secondary school children or even Primary 7. Imagine politicians having to take this diverse community's views on board.

While politicians chunter away about exams and random measuring of performance, the children might demand to hear from those in their 20's who have recently been through this experience. What was fit for purpose 50 years ago when an MBA opened doors to make you a millionaire in double quick time is now long considered yesterday's gig. 

What does university in 2024 do for you in getting you to the starting grid. In my treatment timeline everything is geared towards how I will live my life in 2025 and beyond. How can I apply the learning from these past 4 months, or as I'll say in January, the 2024 experience.

My eyes have been blasted open and it's an unusual epiphany. It's normal behaviour to react, check the clock and bash on. How do our graduation classes of 2020's view their degrees and debt.

In my old work there was one job I did which was more successful than anything else and yet it provided no output. I was the silent gatekeeper for a number of projects. I stopped them in the pipeline when I saw how pointless they were,  how costly or unfeasible. There were many reasons why it was a good idea but if it couldn't be achieved then move on. If the purpose of the exercise was slowly being watered down it was clearly an avenue not worth pursuing. Delivery of what we could deliver was our most successful trait and we did it well. Go through open doors and remember which ones are locked. If you find keys later on that open then, revisit and then deliver but otherwise deliver what you can and don't waste other people's time with your pet pipe dream. I rarely was any good as a mentor but I did change my standard recommendations on going to university if asked by anyone.

My one management technique was the umbrella. I'd hold it over the staff when snow and hail were coming from on high then closed it on the sunny days when the words were kinder and let those responsible received the recognition. It was hardly rocket science, if watched this guy we called "I Claudius" in the 80's claim every team success for himself and blame his team for every mistake he made. It was chilling how people fell for it and I vowed to be the absolute opposite if I ever found myself in that role. I was so lucky later on to do just that. What do you like doing? What are you good at? My favourite questions to anyone thinking about working or going to Uni. If the answers don't tie up work for a year and enjoy your life. When I changed in 2nd year to do Psychology, I did a crash course 1st year to catch up during the first term of 2nd year alongside the second year class. It struck me as farcical that I passed it in 6 weeks. A course that was supposed to be 30 weeks, surely I've missed something out. It's all about the end game and what you want to do, what's your calling.

If I had received this Cancer treatment 10 years ago I think I'd probably be researching how to become a radiographer or a porter. I'm not good enough as a people person to be a receptionist, doctor or nurse. I'd love having a job using the scanner and laser everyday. I'd probably get in trouble though because I'd be wanting to take it out on the road and be 24*7. Man with a van doing your scan, yes his name is Stan.

Is that the future with AI. Will I be able to be Stan. Scan and tan, an all purpose built mobile paradise as I wander across the Camino. Maybe I just drive the professionals and have a wee walk while they perform their magic. The ultimate roadie. Rock and Pop stars listen up. If you could just bring a scanner to all your gigs we could probably get through a lot of prevention stuff. Especially the girls, you know the drill, all you swifties get on board, a scan is free. 

Talking of getting on board, the upper deck on the bus is fantastic fun for the photo opportunities. I'm not sure they're worthy photos but it is nice to conjure up images of the past.

The times when the Bank of Scotland sold the country out with their wee miscalculation in central America. Let it go, I hear you cry, but when 300 years later lightning struck again you couldn't help thinking why does society have so much faith in such a parcel of rogues.
Is it really just the Ionian pillars, which I do agree look very nice, or do I just like the old stone.
But, you rogues, Ionian pillars or not, that doesn't mean you can continue to bring a country to its knees. This bank of course is now a museum and the irony is not lost on me. That's what bank branches are now for many which leads me back to that generational divide of society 

My Dad needs a branch, our daughter never. It's just a portal. Are these competing needs actually competing? I think they are but not as much as those over 60 would have you believe.

That's just a wee bit of automation and the development of the web.

AI is the next generation and my Dad's done for if he hopes a branch will exist much longer.

What can AI do for our long term care strategy in the UK, that's what I want to know. I don't want it to write a report, I want it to develop answers to the housing and care of residents. I want to know how it can feed them physically and spiritually.

I'd also like to know what it can do for my tinnitus. I've got chemo coming up in 10 days and if it's anything like the last one I'll.never hear a word anyone says again. They'll need to sing to me to get over the pitch problems.
i stopped in cafe Gallo
For a lovely affogatto 
The sun it did shine 
And my throat said it's fine
So hoorah I've still got a swallow

It's week 3 that's come to a close
Its halfway on my radiation dose
The zapping's real fast
On my neck it does last
And the lump no longer grows.

This has been a fantastic day
now it's time for a wee curry
Some pakora to start
Red fort chicken and a tart
Then a trip to see Jim in Swanys 
The banks they lend the money
They bring our country to its knees
They talk of milk and honey
How their prudence shown will please
They take us for the fools we are
As they fuel the housing boom
With second homes both near and far
The housing crisis doth loom
The kids are studying housing 
In their newly acquired flat
They write essays alarm bells ringing
As the prices soar like that
Our society can't cope, we need to care
Politician wrong their hands claiming l'aissez fairer.

The markets always right
Until it's clearly wrong
You never get what you ask for
We've known all along.

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