I started week 8 knowing this was probably the end of the climbing a hill and as I start week 9 I think we probably would be better calling it, descending into the bottomless pit. It's pretty grim down here and I don't recommend it. The throat is clearly going to take time and I'm coughing too much from my chest but nothing is moving. Difficult to say if it's a cough the chemo brought and it's never gone or if it's something to get used to. I'll mention it again but I did have an X-ray the other week when they were helping my bowel. There's a flashback we don't need, time I went back to writing nonsense.
My latest flashback on this Camino was resurrected more recently, as it related to my collapse in front of Jackie last Monday evening. I first collapsed in front of her in the Oxford Bar some 35 years ago after tripping over a bar stool. It was normal behaviour in the 80's albeit I'd had an afternoon in the pub and it was about 8pm. Somehow the busy bar cleared a path as I went down so I could hit the floor unencumbered. From my less than lofty position I tried to woo Jackie, a manoeuvre that didn't quite come off, but I'd persevere on a more sober day while my balance was still intact. It was a life changing moment as was the passing out and collapse on Monday.
We will see how life changing it is because I learn things and forget them in equal measure, but this journey will see me change for sure. I will reread this blog and see how many of the life lessons I've chosen to ignore a few weeks and years later.
I'll probably forget the blog and just sleep. The overpowering emotion is joy at nearly completing the journey. It's just like when you get to Sarria and you see all the people arriving to do the last 100k. You've just done 700k over 3-4 weeks and they come and serenade you for the last 4 or 5 days. The pace of the Camino slows down from Sarria onwards as you find the paths get really busy. It's when you realise one of your basic freedoms has just been messed with. One of those societal rules that you adopted years ago and shed on the Camino thus far has just been reintroduced. You've been walking to the sound of your own drum and that means nobody has made you walk faster or slower, only you. Suddenly you're faced with a traffic jam where you can elbow these people out of the way, be accepted in their community or accept them into your community. It's a real sense of ouch. I've had a lovely stroll for over 3 weeks and now I feel like I need a strategy. So often has the teachings of the Camino been wiped clear so quickly. You've all chilled after having the full walk, eat, drink, sleep repeat weathered into your liver and limbs. Your he'd is clear of the mosaic moths of monotonous city living. You feel you're ready to change your life forever then someone turns a coach in front of you and drops 50 people.
Over the years I've adopted different strategies to avoid the congestion, the best of which is stopping over in Ereixe, 8km before Sarria. It's my favourite last stop on the Camino. You have lunch and serenade the pilgrims you've walked with over the last 3-4 weeks. They walk by you as you quaff away offering a share of your food and drink in the Caminoside garden of the magnificent Cafe Ligonde. I sometimes make it my last stop on the Camino and start making my way home as Josef is such a great host. His picture is on the fatal-bananas blog most years since 2011.
The pilgrims all stop for a chat and a chip or some cheese then sally forth and on to their Sarria accomodation. The next day, if I continue, you walk on to Sarria and arrive about 11.30 so happily walk through and stay between 6-12k further down the road. This means in the morning you'll have a quieter trail before the 101 Dalmatians and their tour operator appear.
Like the CAMINO Can'cerre if you're prepared for it you just roll along with it. It doesn't bother you and whilst answering the same question about "how was doing the whole thing" sounds like it might irritate, it often amuses. 'Tiring' can be the one word answer, or elaborate with 'thirsty work, nothing a good bottle of red couldn't cure', or you just relive some magical moments as you launch into a comedic storytelling of one of the many misadventures that ended hysterically.
The trick when people ask you is not to work out what they want you to say. The trick is not to answer what you interpret their question to pose but to answer the story you want to tell. That's the beauty of this Camino too. Early on I got hung up on trying to work out how to answer instead of just talking my usual nonsense. I think it's probably the art of conversation and I've just never learnt it.
I've watched many people not answer the question over the course of my life, I've listened as people regale us with their life as if I cared about the whimsical nature of a work colleague interrupting their PowerPoint meeting to go to the toilet. Those conversations which are just self justifying speeches about self importance, we've all heard them. So I've never really wanted to be that person but let's face it, we all have our moments, especially if you 'bite' easily.
I paid a bit more attention today when I got to see the doctor at the western again along with all the other support staff like speech, nutrition etc. We briefly discussed my weight being the same, more of that later, my struggle over the weekend as I focused on the burning neck and forgot to go out and exercise. I then got confused telling the story of the weekend and realised I'd not asked what I was supposed to, while the doc gave up and just got me to open my mouth and let her look at my throat. My brain seems to freeze with that conversation thing.
So it's not really the art of conversation where you listen to the other people and respond appropriately and invite them to discuss, like call and response in my songs. Maybe I should write lyrics for my next visit to the doctor. Much more chance of remembering my lines. A bit more call and response would work a treat for my memory.
I love the second verse of "Fall from Grace" for that reason. I sang both call and response but when I listen to it now it would be easy to imagine it was another member of the band singing it as it's quite a different voice singing the response. I tended to bark out the first line and had a choir of angels in my head while singing the response.
"Abraham Lincoln"
Such a fine old man
"Got some people thinking"
Heads out of the sand
"Started a Rebellion"
In a troubled land
"All the rebels yelling"
That he didn't understand
I loved the simplicity of summing up my 9-11 year old understanding of the whole civil war which still rages today on, in the USA.
Quite simply a whole lot of people realising slavery was wrong, while others believing slavery was right. You could hear the playground noises of fight fight fight.
The fact that it's so recent as being 100 years before the civil rights marches in the 60's tells you all you need to know about white male supremacy and how endemic it was in European culture and how it left our shores for the opportunity to carry it on as the European enlightenment curtailed some of our civilisation's worst traits.
I liked the idea of singing it with my childlike understanding of what I'd read when I was at school in Maryland. I think the words are distilled by my 9 -11 year old brain long before I'd heard about neuro diversity. I experienced people in my class of colour and the racism that took place in front of me. It always confused me telling my pal James Harris I couldn't have a sleep over or even play at his house and he couldn't come to mine either, but we could be friends at school and continue to be the best in the team at football. We were great pals but only at school. I just never understood why. I also never understood why so many people flew confederate flags and had them in their bedrooms. It was 1972-74, the Watergate years, I was very young and exceptionally confused. I liked to believe everyone told the truth and nobody told lies. I'm not sure how far down the good and evil route I went, I think I just had good and not so good in my head. If bad things happened there would usually be an excuse. Like when someone shot at my dad's car and a bullet lodge in the boot lining of the petrol tank. My head kept suggesting they were probably shooting at a rabbit when the car turned the corner and got in the way. I refused to believe it could be intentional. I've since come to learn that bad people can exist, not just because I may disagree with their cause, they just can. From silly little things like cheating at football through to the paedophilic PE teacher we had at school whose victims included whole year groups of young girls. I might not agree with his behaviour, he may have thought it was his right but I think there's a huge body of evidence that suggests diving for a penalty is somewhat different from sexual assault and rape. He eventually got a year for some of his crimes 25 years after. His victims had suffered at the time and for the rest of their lives. I remember crying in disbelief that having waited 25 years, these victims saw him sent down for only a year. Like Jimmy Saville, Cyril Smith, all the merry band of clergy, charity workers, teachers and other predators in positions of power over the vulnerable this is a crime we do our best not to lead to prosecution. We do our best to say it's hard to prove. Well here's a thing, how about, J'ACCUSE, how about publicly declaring someone is accused. Don't let them hide behind defamation where bankruptcy ensures it's a financial decision to accuse never mind get a prosecution. How about admitting our justice system has never been fit for purpose on these crimes.
It seems documentaries seem more persuasive and in "Until I kill you" there's no doubt Delia's book transfering to the screen will be very effective. It's a chilling way to get the point over and you hope people will understand this is what's happening throughout our world. The victims are not protected by the law, they're abused and tormented. I hope it succeeds like the post office scandal but I doubt there'll be the same sway. I think the more serious the crime on women the more they seems to be victimised and abused by the justice system. The irony of the guilty party being given Christmas Bail while the victim can't even leave the country to visit her family. My worry would be that people will see this as an extreme example and not a natural extension of all levels of abuse.
It's at the end of the road of what's normalised behaviour and it starts when somebody has wandering hands. These crimes might not fit the justice system as they seem to fall under the auspices of etiquette. They seem, like abuse of power merely deserve a reprimand in employment law.
I think the Salmond case was the perfect opportunity for the justice system to say to itself, yes it was right to prosecute and yes you've been found not guilty. There was a reason for prosecution and you've duly answered. I know there's loads of innuendo about how or why the prosecution took place but it's good that it did. What's really bad is the unique nature of the case. Another example I can think of is John Leslie's case or the current situation with the actor whose name escapes me but did house of cards in the USA version, Kevin the Spaceman, I think, but as I say they're pretty rare. These events appear blown up by the media because they don't happen regularly but we know sexual assault does happen regularly. These cases probably relate to 1 in 1m of the number of cases that should be prosecuted too. The justice system will say it's creaking so they just don't prosecute, while the police also hide behind resources and focus on easier gifts to tick their stats off, or as some argue, reinforce their prejudice.
Most of my male pals think it ridiculous that I can even make that argument on the basis that there might be innocent men put through an ordeal by being wrongly accused. I think there are probably a million victims every year who don't see any justice and are presumed to be guilty by the police or the CPS when they're told there's no case to answer. When they're told how the predator has apologiswd for any misunderstanding or just because you were tricked you did go to a hotel room voluntarily. When they're told that's not really a safe place to walk and there are no witnesses. When they say are you sure it wasn't just an over friendly greeting by your friends pal. It's just your word against them. There's the full list from diving for a penalty through to the sadistic percerted PE teacher.
Some of it could be explained by generational forces but I can't help thinking this generation that I grew up with had a lot of strange ideas in childhood. Extrapolation from a child's experience to a population of 400m is fraught so thats why I like the simplicity of the words of the song so much. I'm not able to commentate on something I know nothing about but by using that wee childhood experience and my nursery rhyme, I liked the song.
Whether you thought abolition or not in 1860, those who thought it not, saw it as necessary and that view is endemic in some of their culture. A war never wins hearts and minds it rarely even tries. It seeks to impose as the people imposing usually believe they're right and this is the only way. History judges these leaders differently, Lincoln got shot and so never got a chance to win the peace. I doubt the long term security of the state of Israel for example is being well served at the moment and Ukraine will doubtless have a long life of civil unrest under Russian rule.
I've written endlessly about the 1920'a Russian economist who viewed the economic cycle on 40-60 years and how our current technology era is coming to an end. If you trace it back to the space race and computers, through to the VHS v Betamax video wars of the 80's to the Nokia, Blackberry phone wars of the 90's and the big tech of today, it's coming to an end as our behaviour has been massively changed.
We don't run home for top of the pops or out favourite show. We don't need to spend half an hour finding out what happened in the latest episode because repeats never happened. We might meet our friends at the cinema but even there, our film is probably on 5 screens.
Fewer things in life now involve being on time and that's one learned outcome from the technology age. Another would probably be that nobody has a phone in the hall anymore or in the case of my pals across the road locked on a room that only the parents had a key for. If you missed a call it meant you were out, no question of a dinner out with friends being destroyed by a what's app exchange interrupting the conversation.
How our attention span has moved with the technology age. Our sense of direction is no longer important it's whether the phone has enough battery to open maps.
I could go on for days on the cultural differences that each micro generation has experienced or not. Those in the sporting world chase marginal gains while my dad played with golf clubs from the 1950's. The 'Mobile phone tax' has been hiked out of all proportion to the television which technology improvements during the last century saw them get cheaper. 15 years ago I saw the price creep and marvelled at the economic nonsense that saw us pay an increasing 'tax' to stay in touch. During the building of the information superhighway in the last century it was going to be like the infrastructure that we'd be so proud of. We didn't realise we'd be taxed by mobile phone companies for tapping into it. In many places on the Camino in Spain there is free WiFi. Little towns or cities have decided it should be this way. Marketing however in all these companies know the power to sell for more and for us to pay, still very strong. Coupling deals with phone upgrades, with marketing hype, makes each micro generation sleepwalk into the newest gear. Legitimate business expense makes for less price sensitivity and so a phone can readily be sold for over £1000 as there is a queue of buyers leaping aboard to hold them at a gig instead of partying at it
.
What a masterstroke, a business model masterclass even, but for how long. This now becomes part of the new poverty trap and how goes "food v phone" fight in the kitchen table debate. Do you spend £40 a month on your food or phone. What gives you more immediate and lasting pleasure. Surely good food, but maybe not as screen time rises in the necessity stakes.
So as I embark on another Camino I ask is my journey really necessary. What will be the next economic epoch. Obviously AI will if it's not already, standardised our existence and thinking. Our power to think for ourselves has been diminished as we've all been targeted into rabbit holes of habit. We don't go to a library and scan the shelves, we are handed our reading by the engines. We don't surf the racks of the Record Shak, we get handed our playlists, distracted by our sleep analysis. Our attempts to disconnect so we can discover more are thwarted to such an extent even our spelling is obligingly changed for us.
This is no more the Sci-Fi nonsense of Logan's Run or any of these films or books from our youth, it's not a fiction what is happening is now fact.
Our TV in the west is dominated by sports and our culture has gone with it, particularly in the UK where Olympic endeavours are rewarded with lottery funding but artistic or educational rewards grow more difficult to find. They rely on the philanthropy of past beneficiaries leaving a legacy bursary, to fund places to learn or perform.
Our new amphitheatres are solely interested in selling sporting greatness, even when it's abundantly clear it's not great. Whether you watch a football player fail to clear the first player at a corner or you watch the tearful documentary of a hamstring tear in the run up to an Olympics, you can't help thinking we might have our priorities a wee bit askew.
NHS and Housing, the alleged priorities for this government and what about poverty. What about the people working in the NHS. What's in it for them. Is that tax allowance moving to £20000 from the disgusting freeze put on it by Rishi Sunak? No, it's not and what's more is it continues until 2028 when they will do the big hand out ahead of the next election. That just feels fraudulent and not even old John Major Tory. It's certainly not Labour and when you know that the NHS is going to have to find all the money for the hike is NI, how can they afford to recruit? Well the good news there is there's nobody to recruit from the UK. Like the building industry there is nobody sitting around looking for work in the building industry. We're already at maximum employment there so unless you want untrained people building houses the plan can only come to fruition if we open the borders to people who have long since found work at home in Europe more rewarding.
There's a reason why bullies do a bit better than we were told they would at school. News just in, bullies don't always win but there's this thing called muscle which often does. Whether it financial, physical or just mental the things our phones keep saying to us, they become normalised and sometimes that is confused with true.
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