The good stuff is what I've historically concentrated on, even the dull stuff I can draw some humour from but another pal's predicament is just painful and sad.
I'm too exhausted for words and it's not a journey you're wishing anyone else has to repeat but sadly the Camino Can'cerre invites us all back whether we want it or not. My tears of recognition are merely a moment of self indulgence. I know I'm not going on the journey, I'll hopefully be on the beach somewhere. It just makes me really sad. It's a regular word used in the cancer wards, a setback. Never has such a small two syllable word had such resonance. It clatters in it's onomatopoeiac way through the airwaves and into the soul.
Out of the floods of tears, wee Noah's appear and whether these nuggets are memories from a bygone age or a stolen moment chuckling during therapy, maintaining the enjoyment of life's journey is everything to me.
I strongly believe what we perceive and although we might not always believe what others perceive it's important you let it resonate a reasonable time. It's too easy to disregard what others believe as fanciful nonsense and the Camino Can'cerre has certainly banged that message home every single step of the way. Whatever works for you is the mantra. Whether patients or professionals the diverse community with a common cause keep you going. Like the Camino de Santiago we all feel we're going in the same direction and there are many ways to get there.
I often felt really strongly when I was working it was my biggest job to make myself redundant. I would take my job and dismantle it until it took me less than an hour. Every step of the way I'd take more jobs on so I could fill the day but sometimes I would just move on. On the Camino Can'cerre you're reminded to move on all too loudly. Your body is explaining your mortality, nothing complicated, just simply there's a time to party and a time to sleep.
I know we all confront mortality in our own way. Our perception of death is unique, just as living can be quite an abstract concept for some. When YOLO became a buzz-acronym I felt it was being used to justify bad behaviour and opportunistic nonsense. It felt like it was part of the "me first" movement, that generation after generations have tried their best to restrain.
There's a balance, I would laugh, that says, if others might die because I can't be arsed about COVID, that's their look out. I think I was 57, fit and thought it's my responsibility not to risk others lives. Many people did not agree with the lockdown and that's when I realised how powerful those YOLO type lobbies could become. While I might characterise them as self centred idiots, they are part of my community, so I, like the rest of society need to recognise their worth too, as hard as it feels.
Happily today i am off to the dentist at the western to assess the damage. It's also a test to see how badly I fared doing what they asked.
It was a beautiful sunrise and let's hope the day is as good. I'm back up over the 200,000 steps and hopefully see 260,000 for December before repeating last January's 550,000.
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