The lights are on, but nobody's in - I failed the fluids - bloods don't lie

Yes, problem solved, nothing more complex than dehydration. You think you drink 10 pints of fluid but if half is tea then as the stone roses would sing, it's fools gold. I'm always leaving the lights on but rarely paying attention to where the light is shed.

Again, I've had those on the Camino as recently as Simon Stu and I in Templarios de Teradillos del Camino. One of my favourite albergues and we got alcoholic food poisoning. The absolute curse of the drunk.

It was a short 17km walk from Amanecer de Campos just outside Fromista, to Carrion des los Condes, then a wee bus. Fromista being famous for the canal and the fantastic train stop on the way from Santander to Madrid. It's also a short bus across the meseta to Burgos. It's one of the quietest parts of the Camino Frances as many people bus from Burgos to Leon. It makes for great friendships as well as some wonderful morning and evening skylines.

That afternoon, however, we got a wee bit carried away. We were out early and arrived at Carrion in plenty time for the 11.30 bus. We arrived even earlier to get a 3 bed ensuite room at the albergue. What could possibly go wrong once the washing was on. 4 pints before lunch and a bottle of red with the 2.45pm dinner. Siesta was called for but nobody heeded the call.

Simon drank a bit less but his best move was having what we had had for lunch, when we had dinner. We had what he had had for lunch. What followed at 10pm was a monstrous word association of head pillow toilet. I was first to go and last to stop. I basically was up every 10-12 mins as it was endless. Stu started his synchronization about 11 and we were dove tailing as best we could until 8.Simon slept through some and listened to the rest. Albergue ensuites are usually very compact and reaching the sink from the toilet is a master stroke. 

Next day I tried to book another night but had to settle for a taxi to Sahagun and a sleep on the bench at the railway station. I was bad. When I look back now I'm reminded that I wasn't that bad on Sunday past. I think we just need balance and to check if the lights are on.

That time we arrived in Leon after Sahagun and I slept in the flat for 20 hours. Next day I was still moaning loudly and was going to get the bus to Ponferrade on my own but we decided to stop at Astorga. 

It was there that I remembered the blue juice. Powerade has been my friend on the Camino on many occasions and today I bought 2 bottles. I've just had 5 pints of water with a splash of the stuff.

Unbelievable how I keep forgetting solutions to my carcass, but the lights are on now. I'm always encouraging people to drink water, not carry it, and if you aren't seeing clear urine, you need to keep hydrating. Hmmm, it's advice I've ignored for the last fortnight.

I felt like I'd reached Estella. It's normally day 5 but Rich and I arrived here after coming down from Bilbao. We had a last night in Vitoria Gasteiz with Stu and then carried on to Estella for 3 nights. We were able to do the stretch from puente la Reina to Logrono, culminating in the fast bus up to San Sebastian.

One of my favourites on the bus timetable, there is now a fast bus from San Sebastian to the Camino stopping at day 4, Puente, day 5, Estella, and Logroño day 7. 

With lunchtime Edinburgh flights to Biarritz it makes fast track tapas a thing. Logroño and Calle Laurel is tapas central. So many options so much fun. I had fajitas last night for tea to try and bulk up and get over the sore throat thing. It sorted of worked but I could do with a wee trip south.

So today it's Wednesday and I've had the 2k shot plus water and now I'm relaxing with my teeth in their mouth guard soaking up the flourine toothpaste. At 12, I'll venture out into the heat for a stroll and get down to the western for 2:15.

Today feels like #8 of 30. That's pretty special.

I look forward to saying day #420

Another wall, well a kerb...

Yes, it was a kerb but it felt like another wall. Bed by 8pm and up by 2pm sounds about right, back to bed for 2.10pm felt wrong. Especially after a great day at the football.

I'd thought I could do this a bit more justice but it's just a pretty tough grind. I'm filling up with fluids and letting my body do the rest, except it's doing nothing. After zero alcohol for so long could a 0.5% beer really do this?

Mouth Olympics can fill the gaps until the next you tube song starts.

To be honest, Sunday's just a bed day. Try and feed but it's empty. Tried to get interested in the TV or football but there's nothing at all in the tank. It's not even fumes. It's a bad post apocalypse movie and the burnt out cars are piled up. The Penny Drops as the mushroom rises. In Camino Frances terms, I've hardly left the restaurant in St Gien pied du Porte and already I'm hunkered up in Pamplona on day 6. Pamplona would normally be day 3.

Pamplona is quite an apt analogy. In 2007 Simon and I arrived there exhausted. Our adrenaline had seen us over the Pyrenees but like my current predicament adrenaline can only get you so far. We were in a mess by the time we found a hotel at a price we were happy to pay. With hindsight we paid £90 instead of £140. We spent an extra bedraggled hour searching for the bargain. It was the same night James McFadden would score against France as we won 1-0. 

Simon was asleep on the bed I was still watching it with blackberry in hand betting on 1-0. It was 17 years ago and not far off today's date. I look back at www.500m.wordpress.com the first blog with huge affection. It proved the latest twist in my re-invention. 

We'd given up smoking, Simon, Paul P and I in 2005. We did 9 months and the plan was to start again but I never did. I still miss it but unlike the other two, found my lungs happy for the respite. Our way had been planned to lose the weight we inevitably put on from this brief smoking respite.

I learned a bit about fuel from the blog that September. Simon mentioned regularly how I needed a jump start in the mornings but one day I discovered donuts. Clearly the fuel was fast release sugars as well as the sustenance a few donuts gave to the harder miles. I feel a visit to Fisher and Donaldson for some fudge donuts this afternoon.

Not before time as I'm losing the battle today. Ground will be lost on the weight for sure as I just can't take anything on board. I'm trying the yoghurt and peaches, avocado etc but even the wee 2k shoots are like lead.

Finally managed a double Weetabix at 9pm but it seems to be coming out faster than it's going in now. Clearly I'm easily befuddled. I'm not, it's just a few self absorbed tough yards on the journey.

6am and more Weetabix but the weight damage is done. I'm half a stone down again. The weight fluctuations are myriad but 15/13 is new to me. I was 17/3 after the overnight flushing last Tuesday so it's normal, but I just need to get back to 16/2. Saturday I was 16/6 but it is just what it is.

I hope the wee bit air on the way to radiotherapy today helps. It's Monday, 2pm and time for more.

After radiotherapy it was bloods and water bubble tube change. Another new set of nurses with a 3rd year trainee working towards her frequent flyer taking the lead. I also had a mouth inspection so I need to do more gargling before these ulcers become ulcers.

The mouth is now officially sore. It just feels like a strep throat but as that was day 6/30 I would imagine it's only 3 more sessions and I'm a wee screaming bairn. More gargling and teeth support.

When in doubt resort to a cheese sandwich. Followed by ice cream and more diluted 2k shots. Then pasta then Wrexham at Birmingham, then mouth guards with toothpaste, then sleep. Then Weetabix at 5am and more juice.

It's all there is in the tank. Keep eating and drinking..food is fuel, we know it and without it we feel leggy and tired.

I feel repetition might get me to realise but sadly no. I'm just writing not eating.

It's clearly time for the donuts. I can't possibly ask someone to carry me through the rest of this.

Today is now Tuesday, my 7th session with the radiotherapy and I still laugh at the success Caitlin had in making this whole experience not just tolerable but enjoyable. I keep forgetting to take my hearing aids out or switch my alarm off but that aside I'm loving the whole acting gig I might get as an extra the other side of 2024.

I know it's crazy how quickly a selfie could transform such a scary moment into one of such joy, but somehow it did.

So much was straight from the breathing that Caitlin's Alexander technique teacher told me and the rest is just the stuff of fantasy. 

I can't wait to put the mask on with the nappy as we get the band back together for a 45 years on. Not sure there'll be an audience for it but "Fall from Grace" has a certain piquancy now and "Watch you Grow" has cancer catchy tune written all over it.

When I was listening to "Spellbound" the other day I was reminded just how that song and sound shaped our later years. Lots of intricate guitar, bit of driving drums and cavernous cacophony until it's breaks into a delicate dance where you're picking flowers from the air, casting them to the corners of the room and generally enjoying the space time continuum.

As well as getting the band back together I feel it's time to do "The T'uther Ones", a gentle 6 song tribute act playing some of the finest pieces I've ever heard, including, "Another Girl, Another Planet".

Judging by my energy levels there's a fair chance a four song set will suffice, or perhaps just a Peel session.

It must be moving towards my 14:15 so I better jump aboard. All that nonsense of walking everyday seems a good week ago. I've got the mental image, I just need the Donuts.

NEW VINYL FROM Last night from Glasgow - presenting The Cathode Ray

All the vinyl is being funded by presales so what are you waiting for. If ever an album is gonna get me through this cancer treatment it's the Cathode Ray.

Huge thanks to all associated for letting me know.

Saturday 3pm - week one is closing and the Saints are Marching

It has been an eventful week and now it draws to a close. I've not been on the clock for a long time so when Friday evening saw me in bed early I just considered myself another commuter doing their thing.

Jackie and I were both exhausted and there was no fight to do the dishes. If you ever want time to stand still this is the way to do it.

There's so much happening I felt like at times like I had left over pieces from an IKEA shelving unit. So I've got two steroids, five of these and what were those long ones for again.

In my limited research about the treatment I looked up continuous treatment and what happens with breaks. Does the cancer dig in and have a field day while you stop for the weekend. Does Cancer get paid double time on Saturdays and Sundays to restore what might have been destroyed Monday to Friday.

Well it's a bit of both, was what my study showed. To be fair, if I read it correctly, this is the boy who read two tablets, twice daily and took one twice daily, had 2 left, but if I did read it correctly, it was ok.

Cancer didn't regain full foothold. You could probably argue for any time lapse, ie daily instead of hourly. Would it be better to have 24 hourly courses of 3 seconds than one daily course of 72 seconds. The efficacy conversation could rage, which I imagine it does with oncologists as they perfect their treatments fully aware they are specifically targeting unique cancer tissue in different individuals every time. Wow, wonder why I think they're so clever, yes, there's another reason.

So I have my two days off and let's hope for a return of energy. I'm plain exhausted. I get bouts of minutes now, not hours where I'm buzzing, then the adrenaline vanishes like a Monkey magic trick.

It's 5am, I've put Weetabix, tea, Manuka and some 2k energy in. Let's get back to sleep.

Did I mention my hearing? It's worse than ever. Tinnitus is a bi-product and doubling mine is more like cubing it.

So no scratching eczema and not hearing Jackie, or would you prefer to hear better and itch like crazy. Ooh, that's far too difficult to answer.

I'll abscond back to May when this Cancer Camino was a pipedream. It's something we don't always get too nostalgic about, but when we were ornately oblivious to our celestial pathway. A wee cuddly lump in the neck as we drove up the windy road to Crail in May.

"I must go and see about this as it's now 5 days." Mumbled the back seat passenger. Here we are now, only a dreich summer later entering the last 8 weeks of a comprehensive diagnostic summer as the body got limbered up for the road ahead.

I keep referring to Scott's Macmillan marathon. He started his training before me and will complete before me but the cosmic timing is beautiful. We are both trying to do our bit. 

He's got his body into shape. He's got supplements, shoes, the gear that's bound to give him the edge and I've got my mouth Olympics, feeding tubes and other paraphernalia. 

He's lost 2 stone Ive lost some tonsils teeth and a mere 1 stone.

He's done everything he could to be ready but of course there's doubts about what else would shave another second or two. I've got the same thing except I'm trying not to shave, apparently it's another bonus, no razor required during treatment. additionally this is one time for Fat Al to add weight, he says at 9am finishing yoghurt and peaches in a light syrup. 

Yesterday I was at cafe Gallo for a spicy fish soup and some ice cream. The perks are endless 

Every morning when I'm flushing my tube I'm thinking Scott is kicking his trainers to get any stones out. It's a lovely made up metaphor, I'm sure there's no stones in his shoes. It's just preparing for the day ahead and building on the blocks of experience from the past.

As I look further back to Arnaldo and Stuart, who were treated during COVID I'm reminded of many more tips on the journey as well as the trip wires too. Who can forget the chocolate biscuits being too big for Stu to open his mouth for. There is legacy,.make no mistake, there is legacy, even when you plan as meticulously as these two did. I might joke about stones in shoes or mouth Olympics but they do feel real.

Four years on we're going to watch.the football, the crowd has changed, Frank for one is sadly.no longer watching with us but I'll be wearing my hat today in his honour, I sadly don't possess his mullet to do it justice.

This dapper auld gent, at least 5 years my senior, with a heart of.gold is buried by a number of other pals in the Craigmillar Castle park cemetery. He has a Hibs mug by his head and a few pals from the terracing nearby. His Camino would see Hibs win the cup but sadly when the cancer returned there wasn't a second strike. Frank did however, do it his way and while we miss him, his wit, his hat and his sartorial elegance, he's still a wonderful ghost on the concourse of the east terracing and every time I see a pair of sharp brown brogues I have to have a double take just to check it's not Frank.

We regularly lose to St Johnstone, Livingston and Ross County, our bogeys teams, along with Celtic, hearts and occasionally Rangers. To be fair, Rangers is probably less of a bogey team than the blue of the Saints, but I'm no historian. Ask a real supporter, I'm just a pitcher upper, 5 times a season. 

Last time I was here I was very confident we would destroy Aberdeen. We were 2-0 up very quickly and flowing well, looked great,.then just downed tools, relying on our keeper to rescue us that day. It's only a year ago but that team has gone. Some were playing for Raith Rovers last night and they looked themselves. Our old hero Lewis showed how.strong he was, almost knocking a boys head off while, Hanlon sadly turned his back to block a shot going wide and turned it into the far corner, having earlier been a bit slow on the turn which resulted in his colleague foolishly getting sent off. Strange affair last night and today all told, I think at least 6 players will be different from my last visit.

The story of Dunfermline v Raith needs a Skids moment so with the Saints coming to town I feel reference to that great song long overdue.

Stuart Adamson adorned the cover of our first 1000 sell out edition back in 1983. I think we printed 1200 and they all went inside a week. 

If you go to the home page you might be able to click the link. A great drawing by Hilary and a superb industry busting first New Order interview by Karen. She beat sounds by 3 days and we managed to get it out the day before them. 

Ha, no mobile phone hacking in our day, when a scoop was a scoop!

Day 4 flush

I'm far too excited. After my radiotherapy I was due a flush 5pm but they kindly took me early, my cashmere and fleecy double helped the canula strike vein first time and we're off.

Top marks to the staff again, in reception, radio and here in ward 1.

Never have I enjoyed 4 days of interesting medication so much.

Tomorrow no more flushes just the radiotherapy then party time.

Hibs host st Johnstone on Saturday and a fixture full of the saints turning us over, but this year feels like a 3-3. We lead 3-1, concede late, again.

We go mob handed. 4 of each side will meet in the Bellfield brewery before and after to deliver pre and post match verdicts. 

The match day mascot is local celebrity Callum.

So we've got food first as well which should be fun. It's also post match for the cancer with two Hibees in Arnaldo and Stuart, both moving to 4 years on from their own worst of times. Stuart from what I'm getting and I still feel for him when we eat. The removal of teeth and rendering of saliva glands leaves him with a legacy nobody would crave. I of course destroyed so many of my teeth before my 20's that I didn't need many removed. I'd lost my massive chew sets before the Bee Gees sang the song. I'm also known as a slavering shreck so for the saliva to slaver less has no monstrous effects excepting my dinner table diners need not adorn their poncho's when I'm eating. 

The other obvious caveat is a pulse. Without one we needn't discuss saliva, choking or chuntering about choppers.

My more precious concern is how I confess to having taken three days to read 2 pills twice a day. I even mentioned metadexanation on the blog, my two, twice daily tabs I took 1 twice daily until realising. Sounds like a Mia culpa, sorry. What do I do now? 

I took one with my 4am breakfast of yoghurt and peaches, then Weetabix with tea. It means, i'm only 2 light and 10 hours late. Less time on the naughty step but will I learn the lesson to read out loud and check with a more sane person in attendance.

As I'm sitting on the naughty step I thought it time to see how my Political manifesto is going.

I got stuck at medication the last time. I wanted a market model that was distorted European not north American.

The problem for me is that America is driven by two desperate bunches of despotic and destructive Divas. The insurers and manufacturers fighting products in the the courts, rarely counting the cost of delaying the cures. 

I met a great cancer research Professor on the Camino in 2013. We walked for a few days as he listed me many of his cures and why they reached local deadends and why he'd had to send out of Vermont to the wider world to progress, curiously to Lund in Sweden which made me chuckle at the time. He explained why the market didn't work for the many cures and the complexity the industry faced. I'm sure it still does and if he's still in the field, I'm sure he has a few more contacts he passes his intelligence to.

I understand that drug companies need their patents while insurers are protecting their insured by not allowing high octane expensive treatment to become available but neither helps the patient.

My manifesto would be patient led. I believe a left handed capitalism approach can produce a solution and it works better when you focus on the complete beneficial outcome. Right handed schematics seem to be naturally directed by immediacy of returns and not their longevity. This is normal as the cycle reflects the individuals involved. This indeed has been normalised into what management regard the 3 year cycle of change. When you have an industry called change management l, you know where you're heading for. The clue is indeed in the title. You will get change, not product, not cure, not even profit. You'll get change.

The market needs to produce, and it can produce and procure a patient package. It needn't just be about profit, we can make money from it, but maybe not low hanging fruit funny money. Not Change money where the fruit nearest the camera can obscure the frost damaged nonsense behind.

Talking of fruit I took myself down to see how the Joan were at the allotment. It was 5° at 7am here in South Edinburgh and it was chemo cold. I had my coay cashmere liner on inside my top and it was required. The allotment proved a bit too much for me but did perform it's outstanding early morning task. I did not need my sachet of Laxido, half way up the path to my plot I realised as all gardeners know it's time to get back to the house.

Superb, I thought. A handful of flowers and raspberries, leave the potatoes and all the rest 

Grab a few apples and good to go.

Yesterday evening as I gazed over the water in the park at Stockbridge I thought what a great view. 

Sun was moving slowly, a bit like me, and there was no rush. There was a calm about the moment, even the people on the benches and lying on the dewy grass just seemed caught in their own mystical moment, magical.

Many of us live in beautiful settings where we get the chance to ponder little and wonder a lot. I get that so much. I can stand at O'Cebriero for about 20 minutes in a complete Dwaam. Shiskine can do the same thing standing on the 4th tee. So many places where I feel so alive and yet I'm doing nothing. 

I read a beautiful line articulating more eloquentoy than I 'what a lot had happened in the year gone by and now a fairway at Crail......' Its resonance was perfect. There is no answer it just is.

Sometimes you just have to breathe it all in and let it settle in your lungs.

I was sat opposite a guy getting his last chemotherapy and we were talking about music. Later on ge explained how a chest infection led to his first X-ray for years and Lung and eusophagus cancer. Caught early enough and treatable. Wow, I thought, I just keep learning.

Robert Wyatt part 3 - Diving for Pearls

Tomorrow I might not be last out but today they were nearly putting out the lights on me.

What a great day. I arrived on time saw a load of great people and finished up with a wee delay as the veins didn't play ball but on the 5th attempt I heard the cry of house.

Yeah bingo! 

Fat Al veins are just proving a bit wriggly at the moment so I might jog down tomorrow. To say I'm too laid back is a massive understatement. I was so horizontal there was hardly a pulse. Chemo can do that I was assured. 

I got kicked out about 6 30 and was exhausted and hungry after all my exercises. Instead of chewing air I ventured into cafe Andaluz.

With all due respect it tasted like the pre theatre meal at evening prices. To be honest chewy batter is probably a better task for me and the peppers were fine if a bit few at £1 a pepper. The gratinadas had the wrong tatties in them but I always like my food and licked the plates clean.

Job done and my next Dexamethasone tablet taken. Two more of these with food tomorrow and that's them in the bin until week 5.

I don't mind repeating myself but there a lot of stuff behind the scenes. Staff were brilliant again today but I've got to up my game.

The following constitutes my extra training as dictated by the coach.

Teeth

I've got the pre and post food mouthwash, teeth brushing with no good after for an hour and also my mouth guards for an hour.

Exercise 

Already, the Andy Murray, show us your tonsils and growl is tougher than 3 days ago. I need to do it more. Stuart reminded me only last week of the visit to see Arnaldo and he couldn't put a club biscuit in his mouth. If Arnaldo's giving me biscuits I need to be able to eat them.

Side to side is still ok but the hold your tongue in your front teeth and swallow is tough after 3. Getting to 10 requires the magic saliva up again. That won't be an option in two weeks so a wee bit more needs doing now before it's too late.

Some of the others are also proving tough so ultimately this early it's a poor show so getting back in the mouth gym, esta muy importante.

And finally the veins.

It's not a lot to ask but tomorrow I will wear cashmere as well as normal fleece. Extra heat give the staff a break.

Job done.